Is it ever *ok* to cheat?

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by yesman065

Iggy that polyamorous attitude seems contradictory to "That is why I feel we can be together for the rest of our lives." I just don't understand how that can work. I'm not being judgemental - I'm honestly tying to understand that philosophy.

Well, that might have been a bad choice of words. We want to be together for as long as possible. I guess the best way to put it is if we have the freedom to be who we want to be, then why leave? We love each other very much and trust each other very much and we can expand our horizons while staying in the relationship. There isn't going to be a day where we get bored and want to go elsewhere and are forced to cheat or separate. If that makes sense. We both know that there could be things in the future that cause us to not want to be together, but we have been through so much it is hard to imagine. I honestly don't know how to describe it. But I do know that from where I sit right now I can't see any reason for him to leave me or for me to leave him. I will mull this over some more and try to find a more satisfactory answer.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Iggy

Well, that might have been a bad choice of words. We want to be together for as long as possible.

Sounds to me like you love each other but both are afraid to declare an exclusive commitment for fear that will screw up what you have.

That's not an unreasonable fear. I've seen it happen many times, where a happy pair decide to marry, or just declare they are exclusive, and somehow they change..... quickly too. Like they've reached a goal and can relax, not have to work at it anymore.

Maybe it's a change in attitude, or in expectations, or taking things for granted. Maybe they have set perceptions on the proper behavior/expectations for, dating, going steady, engaged, and married, then slip into those roles unconsciously.

I don't have the answer as to why, just observed the phenomenon. But I think it can be avoided by focusing on how you and your lover treat each other, and put how the rest of the world labels you in the background.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

I've seen it happen many times, where a happy pair decide to marry, or just declare they are exclusive, and somehow they change..... quickly too. Like they've reached a goal and can relax, not have to work at it anymore.

Excellent insight. I agree with your take on this. Working on things is constant. You never "arrive" at a destination. It is all a journey, and you don't stop until you divorce or die.