Is it ever *ok* to cheat?

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by yesman065

Iggy that polyamorous attitude seems contradictory to "That is why I feel we can be together for the rest of our lives." I just don't understand how that can work. I'm not being judgemental - I'm honestly tying to understand that philosophy.

For some, being certain of the continued love and trust of one's S.O./Spouse is the only way they can even begin to think about a polyamorous/open relationship.

If anyone here thinks for one moment that I'd be letting my wife have off with other men if I didn't love and trust her completely, they'd have another think coming. I assume she feels the same way about me (although I am not exactly active at the moment).

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Sounds to me like you love each other but both are afraid to declare an exclusive commitment for fear that will screw up what you have.

I don't have the answer as to why, just observed the phenomenon. But I think it can be avoided by focusing on how you and your lover treat each other, and put how the rest of the world labels you in the background.

That makes sense. It doesn’t really fit us though. We were monogamous for most of our relationship. The poly change is fairly recent, and we may decide that it isn’t our thing after all. Right now it seems to fit who we are and what we want so that is what we are doing. It is understood that if either of us decide we don’t want to do the poly thing then those wishes will be respected.

It wasn’t until he proposed to me that we seriously thought about trying to have a poly relationship. I know this seems strange to most of you, but like Elspode said:

Originally Posted by Elspode

For some, being certain of the continued love and trust of one's S.O./Spouse is the only way they can even begin to think about a polyamorous/open relationship.

If anyone here thinks for one moment that I'd be letting my wife have off with other men if I didn't love and trust her completely, they'd have another think coming. I assume she feels the same way about me (although I am not exactly active at the moment).

That is they way it worked for us. It wasn’t until we had decided that no matter what happened we would be there for each other that we thought having an open relationship would be possible. It is what works for us at the moment and we will re-evaluate the situation if that changes.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Iggy

snip~

That is they way it worked for us. It wasn’t until we had decided that no matter what happened we would be there for each other that we thought having an open relationship would be possible. It is what works for us at the moment and we will re-evaluate the situation if that changes.

Whatever blows your skirt(s) up, only you can determine what's right for you.
Besides, I could be entirely wrong...it wouldn't be the first time.