Is it ever *ok* to cheat?

[kerosene]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

this is a thread about cheating, and that implies secrecy. if you know your spouse has a friend that they love, or if you know they are boinking someone else, and you're ok with it....then it's not really cheating, is it?

Nope.

Originally Posted by lumberjim

do you always feel the same way about it, or does your opinion waver? You allude to 'experiencing' other people. In thinking about this logically, I would expect that it would be easier to deal with your partner becoming emotionally attached to someone else if it were a platonic relationship. the posts elspode has shared about selene being out on dates, however, have the opposite impact on my imagination.

Hmmm....I feel the same way about this all the time. In the beginning of our relationship it wasn't quite the same as it is now, but it has changed and I expect,accept and embrace that. Platonic relationships are cool. Platonic can mean anything you want it to. I am not sure what you are asking me, here but I hope I have sufficiently clarified.

Originally Posted by lumberjim

I think it might be harder for me to deal with it if my spouse started spending time away from me with another man.....even if I was positive that nothing physical went down....and definitely if there were. harder than dealing with a temporary infidelity, that is. neither would be any fun...as you say, if there were dishonesty involved, and it would take time to heal....I just think that it would be a whole lot easier to forgive a roll in the hay then it would to forgive a secret love on the side.

I could completely understand that it would be harder to forgive a roll in the hay than a secret love, but if there is no secret and an understanding of our expectations (or lack thereof) there is nothing to forgive. We enjoy giving each other this freedom. The way I see it: I don't really have a right to limit him to what he should experience and I don't want to be limited either.

I want to also mention that this has not been an excuse to "boink" everyone out there. Honesty with each other is not exclusive. I would never want to hurt another person for my own desires just because I have a desire to "experience" something. These things have been pretty rare.