Is it ever *ok* to cheat? - Page 7

Hime · 04-30-2007, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dagney

For me, it's the 'appearance of evil'. If what you do, or how you act when you're not around me could lead others to believe that something untoward is going on between you and another person - that is leading down the path to being unfaithful in someway.

Because of this, we have an agreement. He has female friends he knew before he met me. (Friends of his, and of his late wife) I have male friends I knew before I met him. Those friends will always be a part of our lives - and neither of us mind if we spend time with them without the other one of us around. However, we will not have 'single' opposite sex friends outside of our marriage. Let's see if this makes sense. I go to the bookstore. I meet a person who happens to be male. Said person asks me to go do something with him. Would I go? No. Because to us - that opens the door for people to assume that something is going on outside of our marriage.

But what if one of your close male friends has a breakup/divorce? Will you stop being friends?

When Daniel and I moved here, our best friends were a couple called "Jim" and "Andrea." They had been dating for eight years. Both Daniel and I really liked Jim and got along ok with Andrea, and we did couple's stuff together. Then, shortly after we moved here, they broke up in a rather awful fashion (cheating was not involved, but really nasty things were said). Even if I had wanted to stay friends with Andrea, she sent me a polite but distant email afterwards that strongly implied that she did not want further contact with us. So now Jim is a very close friend to both of us. Sometimes the three of us hang out, sometimes he hangs out with just me, sometimes with just Daniel. If he's seeing someone at the time, the four of us might hang out together. Daniel sometimes teases me about liking him because, well, he is a very attractive man, but he trusts both of us and knows that there is nothing going on and no potential for anything to go on.

Your rules probably work for a lot of people. I don't think they would work for me, though, mostly because I don't get along as well with women as I do with men, generally. My best friends are my brother, the above-mentioned Jim, and my best friend from college, who is a gay man. For a long time I thought that guys weren't interested in me at all, until I realized that the big reason I didn't get hit on a lot was because almost every time I went out, I was with a guy!

Sheldonrs · 04-30-2007, 01:14 PM

Just my 2 cents. My bf and I love eachother very much.
But, we like different things when it comes to sex. So we play with others. No secrets and sometimes we all play together. ;-)

limey · 04-30-2007, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

Just my 2 cents. My bf and I love eachother very much.
But, we like different things when it comes to sex. So we play with others. No secrets and sometimes we all play together. ;-)

But that's not cheating. "Cheating" implies hiding what you're doing from your partner because you think (or know) that they wouldn't like you to do whatever you're doing (IMHO, of course).

freshnesschronic · 04-30-2007, 01:47 PM

I didn't mean to offend anyone who online dates, but I'm just confused about how people can take it seriously. But I guess I don't know the world of work, soooo meh. I mean I never had a girlfriend until junior year in high school and that took hard social effort for me, a guy no girls had interest in in junior high ever. That is all.
I did create an account at match.com and so did my girlfriend and we tried to see if we would match up but we didn't. That's why I'm like "this is silly."

Dagney · 04-30-2007, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hime

But what if one of your close male friends has a breakup/divorce? Will you stop being friends?

If one of my existing friends has a life altering relationship change (breakup/divorce/death), we wouldn't change how we feel about that person. Our guidelines start from the point Charles and I started dating, and move forward - friends that existed prior to that point are 'grandfathered in'. Couples friends made after that point - aren't 'eliminated' based on relationship changes - we're just not out looking for single friends to hang out with.

Dagney · 04-30-2007, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

I didn't mean to offend anyone who online dates, but I'm just confused about how people can take it seriously.

I'm not offended, was simply trying to explain that the Internet has made things a lot different when it comes to people getting together. The world is a MUCH smaller place these days. I would have never met my husband if it wasn't for the Internet - and we live in the same town. Although we're both interested in many of the same things, I was traveling for work, and he was wrapped up in his own time intensive issues before we got together.
How did I take it seriously? Perhaps it's because I'm beyond the 'quick and dirty hookup' stage of life. BTDT. I wasn't looking for a husband when I met Charles. I was looking for a friend - someone to spend the weekends I was stuck in North Carolina with. He was looking for similar. The relationship grew out of that.

Don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of players out there. Men who lie about being married. Women who lie about their age. Vice Versa. et cetera. You have to have your bullshit meter pegged to HIGH to weed out the goofballs.

xoxoxoBruce · 05-01-2007, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

I didn't mean to offend anyone who online dates, but I'm just confused about how people can take it seriously. But I guess I don't know the world of work, soooo meh. I mean I never had a girlfriend until junior year in high school and that took hard social effort for me, a guy no girls had interest in in junior high ever. That is all.
I did create an account at match.com and so did my girlfriend and we tried to see if we would match up but we didn't. That's why I'm like "this is silly."

This is one of those things that won't make sense till you get there. There are many more surprises coming, too.

elSicomoro · 05-01-2007, 07:22 PM

I could never cheat on April, and I don't think April would ever cheat on me. Having said that, if she cheated on me, I don't think I could forgive her, and I suspect she'd be of the same mindset.

If you're in a closed committed relationship and you decide to violate that commitment, that's not okay, IMO. And, barring some highly unusual situations, there are no situations where it would be okay to cheat.

DucksNuts · 05-01-2007, 07:48 PM

Haha,

I just realised, remember I was bagging my gf out for getting involved with a married man???

My situation is a little different (she says NOW), I dont want this guy to leave his wife, and I dont want a relationship with him. He's just a married fuck buddy.

Iggy · 05-02-2007, 10:33 PM

He must be really good in bed. I wouldn't want that kind of baggage and worry if he was just "good" and not "amazingly mind blowing" But that is just me.

Good luck Ducks!

monster · 05-02-2007, 11:09 PM

Many of the Brit expats I know are so because they met their American other-halves online. And they are generally very happy, normal people -but people with cross-cultural peronalities. You know how some people feel they were born into the wrong sex/race body? Some people feel born into the wrong culture. But that's easier to deal with....

DucksNuts · 05-02-2007, 11:51 PM

Thanks Iggy, look seriously, its just a thing of convenience.

He manages a s*wanky hotel, so its easy and it works for both of us...at this stage.

Iggy · 05-03-2007, 12:10 AM

Then it sounds like fun. I do seriously wish you all the best. I wouldn't want any of my fellow dwellars to be unhappy.
You should give us some sordid details...

Perry Winkle · 05-03-2007, 08:12 AM

And pictures and video...

DucksNuts · 05-03-2007, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy

Then it sounds like fun. I do seriously wish you all the best. I wouldn't want any of my fellow dwellars to be unhappy.
You should give us some sordid details...

Quote:

Originally Posted by grant

And pictures and video...

I may be able to hook you up after tonnite

04-30-2007, 01:14 PM	#92
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	Just my 2 cents. My bf and I love eachother very much. But, we like different things when it comes to sex. So we play with others. No secrets and sometimes we all play together. ;-) __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

05-02-2007, 10:33 PM	#100
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	He must be really good in bed. I wouldn't want that kind of baggage and worry if he was just "good" and not "amazingly mind blowing" But that is just me. Good luck Ducks! __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

05-02-2007, 11:09 PM	#101
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Many of the Brit expats I know are so because they met their American other-halves online. And they are generally very happy, normal people -but people with cross-cultural peronalities. You know how some people feel they were born into the wrong sex/race body? Some people feel born into the wrong culture. But that's easier to deal with.... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-03-2007, 12:10 AM	#103
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	Then it sounds like fun. I do seriously wish you all the best. I wouldn't want any of my fellow dwellars to be unhappy. You should give us some sordid details... __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

04-30-2007, 01:47 PM	#94
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	I didn't mean to offend anyone who online dates, but I'm just confused about how people can take it seriously. But I guess I don't know the world of work, soooo meh. I mean I never had a girlfriend until junior year in high school and that took hard social effort for me, a guy no girls had interest in in junior high ever. That is all. I did create an account at match.com and so did my girlfriend and we tried to see if we would match up but we didn't. That's why I'm like "this is silly."

05-01-2007, 07:22 PM	#98
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	I could never cheat on April, and I don't think April would ever cheat on me. Having said that, if she cheated on me, I don't think I could forgive her, and I suspect she'd be of the same mindset. If you're in a closed committed relationship and you decide to violate that commitment, that's not okay, IMO. And, barring some highly unusual situations, there are no situations where it would be okay to cheat.

05-01-2007, 07:48 PM	#99
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Haha, I just realised, remember I was bagging my gf out for getting involved with a married man??? My situation is a little different (she says NOW), I dont want this guy to leave his wife, and I dont want a relationship with him. He's just a married fuck buddy.

05-02-2007, 11:51 PM	#102
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Thanks Iggy, look seriously, its just a thing of convenience. He manages a s*wanky hotel, so its easy and it works for both of us...at this stage.

05-03-2007, 08:12 AM	#104
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	And pictures and video...

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