gains of giving up

[Undertoad]

So it seems from mom, and from her own damaged childhood, she learned about how men are, and how men are to be treated.

You can't change this, she can only change it through counseling.

You are one of her step dads; and so when your relationship reached a certain point, it became uncomfortable to her, and she actively worked to destroy it. Whether she knew it or not.

She went into a long-term relationship with a man with immigration issues. Maybe that was part of it, even: the escape route clearly marked?

Now you sit there wondering WTF happened and how you could have behaved differently to make it work out. It may well be that the best intentions on your part led to a life too normal, too safe for her. Maybe she actually likes confusion in her life because that's what she grew up with. Even if it's unhealthy.

Maybe you work to pass all her tests and to be all the the things she said she wanted... and then it turns out she doesn't really know what she wants.

Maybe I'm partly just thinking out loud, but there it is, what say you?