Divorce

[Deuce]

Originally Posted by kgg

Obviously the restraining order doesn't say "no contact whatsoever" as he has stated, he has seen and talked to his son. So that is a good thing. Obviously she is not being vindictive otherwise it would be no contact period, over and out.

Wait a minute. Where did I say that the restraining order says "no contact whatsoever"?

You're absolutely right about contact with our son. That is a very good thing, a boy needs his father. There are some things a mother can't do for a adolescent boy. For him to be the best, most complete person possible, he needs both parents. There are some things that only a Dad can do. And the overwhelming evidence of the harm suffered by children across the country from not having a Dad around is terrifying. And tragic in this case, since I am not being a deadbeat dad, I **want** to be there, but I am being prevented from being there. That is wrong, and directly harmful to our son.

As to the vindictiveness.... there is plenty hurt to go around here, and adults can fight mean. But injuring our child because one parent is mad at the other is wrong. I won't stand for it.

Originally Posted by kgg

Yes, there are two sides to every story, I agree and even though he is a dwellar, she still has a story that perhaps has truth to it as well.

Well, for sure everybody here has had an earful of my side of the story. Obviously, I can't tell her side of the story. ***That's exactly*** the problem, she doesn't believe I understand her, and I guess I don't. I wish she'd tell her side of the story. Undoubtedly there is truth to her side as well. But every time I try to repeat back to her what I understand she's saying, I get it wrong. And when she tells me what I'm thinking and meaning, that's often wrong. It is fucked up. You want her side of the story, ask her. I've tried explaining it here, apparently I can't make myself understood to y'all any better than I can make myself understood to her.

Originally Posted by kgg

She is being portrayed as someone who is saying "I;m scared" just to be mean. I don't get that feeling.

I'm curious, what feeling do you get?

Here's my take on it. First the bad news. She can be mean. Some of the things she says to me,


heh.

I put up a whole freakin thread about it. Y'know what it's called? I want to die. You could look it up. I dont' know if you've seen it or posted there... She has an ability, unmatched in the whole world, to hurt me more than anyone or anything else. And it's because I have deliberately left my heart open to her. I love her. While I remain open to sharing my love for her and the possiblity for her love for me, I remain open as well for the hurt. I could protect myself from such hurt, by closing my heart. But I won't. I can't.

I have taken an enormous amount of shit from a lot of people who say why put up with that?, read the thread here for yourself. I can't explain it any better than that. I love her, and that make me vulnerable to her.

Now the .. what? less bad news. I think she's saying "I'm scared" because she is scared. But unreasonably so. The things she's told me she's scared about all hinge on how someday I'll blow up and hurt everybody. She's told me she's lain awake with 9-1- already dialed with her finger on the 1, cause she's afraid I'm going to try to kill her.

That just makes me want to cry.

Kill her? Somebody who's afraid like that, how can *I* put them at ease? I'm the very source of the fear? If you have a suggestion, I'm all ears.

I don't think it's because she is trying to be mean, despite the fact that the results of her actions hurt me far more than she knows, and hurts our son far more than she knows. I think she's acting, no, overreacting out of fear. But those fears are completely unfounded. I don't know how to tell her that. I wish I did.