Divorce

[DanaC]

Deuce, you haven't sounded at all mean spirited to me in your posts. You just sound like someone who is hurting.

And the fucked up part of it is that I am the source of that pain. I can't tell you how much I hate that. I would stop it in an instant if I knew what to stop. And I can do that too. I am a strong person too. I can take action, I can persevere. I do not shirk from hard work.

Sometimes it isn't about changing, isn't about hardwork. Sometimes it is simply that two people are no longer compatible, are no longer good for each other. It's entirely possible that the things your wife says she can't deal with (like you being hurtful, or not being emotionally honest) are merely manifestations of that lack of compatibility. It's equally possible (indeed probable) that the same things that drew her to you now drive her from you. What may have seemed like strength and self sufficiency when she was in love, may seem like a lack of openness now. What may have seemed like passion and fire, may now seem like frightening anger.

The things that first attract us are often the things that later repel us.

You seem to believe this is your fault Deuce. You seem to have taken on all the responsibility for making this situation: like it's all because you can't express yourself or let her in, or are too angry and explosive. More likely, but more painful as it's fundamentally unfixable, is that the person she is now is not in love with the person you are now. That doesn't mean the peson you are is wrong.

[Deuce]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Deuce, you haven't sounded at all mean spirited to me in your posts. You just sound like someone who is hurting.

Thanks. I don't want to sound mean. I am hurting. kgg, which ones were mean spirited?

Originally Posted by DanaC

Sometimes it isn't about changing, isn't about hardwork. Sometimes it is simply that two people are no longer compatible, are no longer good for each other. It's entirely possible that the things your wife says she can't deal with (like you being hurtful, or not being emotionally honest) are merely manifestations of that lack of compatibility. It's equally possible (indeed probable) that the same things that drew her to you now drive her from you.

wtf?

Originally Posted by DanaC

What may have seemed like strength and self sufficiency when she was in love, may seem like a lack of openness now. What may have seemed like passion and fire, may now seem like frightening anger.

The things that first attract us are often the things that later repel us.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, or dense, but I really don't understand what you're going on about? I get the words, but... :shakes head: I don't understand the changes stuff you described. Are you willing to try to explain it again?

Originally Posted by DanaC

You seem to believe this is your fault Deuce. You seem to have taken on all the responsibility for making this situation: like it's all because you can't express yourself or let her in, or are too angry and explosive. More likely, but more painful as it's fundamentally unfixable, is that the person she is now is not in love with the person you are now. That doesn't mean the peson you are is wrong.

shit.

I know I bear some responsibility for where we're at. Not all. My share. And whatever will become of us, will depend on how much I put into this change. Not all. My share. But if I put in as much as I can, I know I will have done my best, and that's all my Dad ever asked of me.

You could be right. Or at least partly right. I believe you are at least partly right.





Tell ya another little secret. I ain't buying the "unfixable" concept. There's a galactic gulf between can't and won't.