Seriousness That Changed You

Undertoad · 01-24-2007, 08:17 PM

For starts Jackie's lad is 19 and has as many if not more issues as an ADHD sufferer with a dad who, unfortunately, survived and thrived to turn the kids against her systematically and provide no support. So I have seen it. I have seen the boy screaming at the top of his lungs that he hates her, in the back of my vehicle, and resisted the urge to stop the truck right there and then and toss him out in the middle of nowhere. Because even though he's 19, he's a boy, and he's confused. This is what ADHD boys with father issues are. (Plus, it's not my business)

Of course my best parenting decision ever was not to become one. So what do I know? Nothing. That said,

= I would stop putting control issues into "man/not-a-man/pussy" terms at all. You don't do the lad any favors by accidentally or on-purpose emasculating him in the middle of trying to figure it all out. And you're not a man, if I may be so bold, and so you really have no idea. So neither does he.

= You don't like each other. You press each other's buttons. When was that license for you to indignantly give up before the job of parenting was done? Wasn't it harder because he needed you more than you thought? Wasn't that need fulfilling to you in some way? Isn't that the root of what it is to be a parent?

= If you were given the terms of living with someone for free but under their bizarre and strict rules, including determining the nature and extent of your relationships... or just leaving for whichever way the four winds blew... wouldn't you pick the latter? Wouldn't the bright, adventurous, young person always take the latter? Wouldn't you think much less of a young person who chose the safe but rule-laden route?

01-24-2007, 08:17 PM	#10
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	For starts Jackie's lad is 19 and has as many if not more issues as an ADHD sufferer with a dad who, unfortunately, survived and thrived to turn the kids against her systematically and provide no support. So I have seen it. I have seen the boy screaming at the top of his lungs that he hates her, in the back of my vehicle, and resisted the urge to stop the truck right there and then and toss him out in the middle of nowhere. Because even though he's 19, he's a boy, and he's confused. This is what ADHD boys with father issues are. (Plus, it's not my business) Of course my best parenting decision ever was not to become one. So what do I know? Nothing. That said, = I would stop putting control issues into "man/not-a-man/pussy" terms at all. You don't do the lad any favors by accidentally or on-purpose emasculating him in the middle of trying to figure it all out. And you're not a man, if I may be so bold, and so you really have no idea. So neither does he. = You don't like each other. You press each other's buttons. When was that license for you to indignantly give up before the job of parenting was done? Wasn't it harder because he needed you more than you thought? Wasn't that need fulfilling to you in some way? Isn't that the root of what it is to be a parent? = If you were given the terms of living with someone for free but under their bizarre and strict rules, including determining the nature and extent of your relationships... or just leaving for whichever way the four winds blew... wouldn't you pick the latter? Wouldn't the bright, adventurous, young person always take the latter? Wouldn't you think much less of a young person who chose the safe but rule-laden route?

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