Seriousness That Changed You

[Undertoad]

You gave him a my-way-or-leave-the-house ultimatum over a necklace when he was 17.

When he chose to leave you took it as stupidly sneaky for him to provide his own way back in. (Not "a boy in trouble is still asking, in his own way, for my support")

You irrationally hated his girlfriend, disrespected her belief systems, and called her defiling names because of his changes in behavior.

You called him a pussy for not being directly confrontational with you. You called him worse when he *was* confrontational. And now you wonder why he's passive-aggressive?? That's a classic response to "You're gonna get it if you do -- and you're gonna get it worse if you don't." His only way to control the situation is to do withdraw.

[OnyxCougar]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

You gave him a my-way-or-leave-the-house ultimatum over a necklace when he was 17.

No. I gave him a my way or the highway over him being openly disrespectful and defiant of me, my rules, in MY home.

When he chose to leave you took it as stupidly sneaky for him to provide his own way back in. (Not "a boy in trouble is still asking, in his own way, for my support")

No, he did it strictly so that he could come back while I was at work at get the rest of his stuff that he didn't take when he left the first time. He told my husband as much when he DID come back the first time.

You irrationally hated his girlfriend, disrespected her belief systems, and called her defiling names because of his changes in behavior.

I never hated her. I hated how my son behaved when he was with her. (I'm assuming you mean the one here, not the pregnant one down there.) I never disrespected her belief systems. I used to be a high priestess in her belief system. In fact, she once asked me to teach her about her belief system. I told her I no longer practiced, and why, and she was fine with that.

You called him a pussy for not being directly confrontational with you. You called him worse when he *was* confrontational. And now you wonder why he's passive-aggressive?? That's a classic response to "You're gonna get it if you do -- and you're gonna get it worse if you don't." His only way to control the situation is to do withdraw.

I'm not proud of how I handled that. I lost my cool and yes, I overreacted. I was stressed out from all of the stuff that had happened, and all of this going on while I've got my other kids to worry about, my friend and her husband and newborn baby staying with us, shit going down at work, and basically life in general. It's not like all these events happened in a vaccuum. I told you all that in an effort to be as fair and balanced in my posts as I can. I don't "wonder why he's passive aggressive". He's got way more reasons to be passive-aggressive than me calling him a pussy when he won't back up his mouth.

As I said, everything was fine until he started dating Miss Thang and the dick took over day to day functions. I don't like the dick, and after REPEATED requests for him to fall in line, and HOURS of talking and trying to reason with him, he did it anyway. I had lost positive control and it was literally a matter of foster care or Dave's house.

Which would you have had me do?