Divorce: perparing for the war

[it]

emo moment:

the suckier part... i miss her.

i have the best list of reasons to hate her guts, and a lot of the time i do... we had problems in the first year, she treated me like trash for over 5 months no matter what i did for her, she took away my step son...

but despite all of those, i find myself missing this woman.
there isn't a thing right now i wouldn't give to turn back time to be there a year ago, or in an alternative reality where we would have chosen to go to israel where i could get a job when she couldn't find a job in canada, which we where going to do if her mother wouldn't have convinced her otherwise. or... something, any escuse to bend reality into a world where the bad times in our relationship never came.

even just talking to her without that shitload of mutual hate and resentment, would be so awesome right now. i know its not an option, and with her nature its very unlikely to ever be, but god damn i wish it was.