What is the ethical thing to do?

[chrisinhouston]

Ok, here is my dilemma:

I borrowed my step son's 2008 Ford Edge on Wednesday. I had to take my mother in law (his maternal grandmother) to a couple of doctor's appointments and my wife needed her car to get to a client for some meetings and mom can't physically get into my car. I am the usual one taking her to appointments as I work from home and am available.

The Ford Edge is their older family car and sits in the driveway most days because my step son and his wife both have a newer car and either drive separately to work or car pool. But sometimes my step son uses it, mostly if his new 2015 Corvette is in the shop (seems like quite often with software glitches) or he just doesn't want to put the miles on it. Daughter in law only drives her new Ford Explorer. I've borrowed the Edge in the past when my car was needing a repair, if I had to take mom places or if I was taking their 5 kids somewhere since they won't legally fit in my car of my wife's.

So on Friday I gassed it up with a full tank and vacummed it out so I would return it in better shape then I when I got it. Wife and I planned to return it on Saturday morning. On the way home from the gas station to my house on Friday at 4pm I suddenly notice the temperature is rising fast on the gauge so I pull into a grocery store parking lot and check under the hood only to find virtually no water in the sealed reservoir bottle for the radiator. I quickly purchased 3 gallons of water and proceeded to pout it in and fill it up. And then I noticed the water was dripping out under the car. I figured some hose out of sight had failed.

I called my step son but got no answer so left a message and also texted him. Then I left a message for my daughter in law. Got a call back from her later with a "So what have you done to our car?" question. I explained I thought a hose had given out and she said her husband had had the car completely serviced in November by Ford. So I asked her to ask him what he wanted me to do? Should I tow it to Ford or a local shop? Did he have towing insurance coverage? She said she would get back to me. I called my wife who left work and came and got me. We sat in the parking lot waiting for an hour and finally went home as we had no reply.

I tried calling her after an hour and got her voice mail and tried again at the 2 hour mark. She replied that he didn't want to talk to me or deal with it as he had to take a final for an online class towards his degree. "Ok" I said, "I'll leave it at the store for the night and have it towed to a repair shop in the morning and not to the dealer since they charge so much more."

Next morning I follow it on the tow truck to the shop and leave it and they call back at 2PM and say it is the water pump seal and that they don't do that repair as it is pretty major on an Edge and that it would need to go to the dealer. They indicated the labor alone is $1000!

At this point I still had not heard from my step son so I called him. He was cordial enough and I asked if he had towing coverage as it had to be taken to the dealer. He said he would check and called me back saying he did. I said I would take care of the bill at the local shop and the towing. I kind of felt responsible as I had decided to take it there. The bill was only $125 (70 for towing, the rest was diagnostic). He asked if I could follow the tow to the dealer, he had called them to advise it was coming but both he and his wife were doing other things with kids so couldn't take care of it. I agreed.

Later that evening, my wife said she had spoken with her son and he was really mad at me for damaging his car and expected me to pay for the repairs. I was speechless. The water pump failed on a car with 100 thousand miles and is 7 years old in Houston where summertime is really hot. Nonetheless he felt I was responsible as I was at the wheel.

So I texted him and suggested we get together today to talk about what would be fair. He sent back an angry text saying I was always borrowing his car and putting miles on it and he was tired of it. Funny but he never indicated that in the past. Now, keep in mind that I unselfishly give up countless hours helping both of them out with kids who are home sick from school or doing minor and major repairs around their home. Last fall I even did a major electrical job for their new double oven in their kitchen and installed it perfectly into the existing cabinet. Well, that didn't seem to carry any weight, he insisted I was responsible. So I went on line to my financial site for my few investments and initiated a transfer of $2000 since I have no idea what it will end up costing.

Sorry this is so long. I just don't feel ethically bound to pay for the entire repair, I would agree to pay half or help out but I fail to see how a wear and tear part on an older car failing is my fault. Funny but my step son had used the car earlier this week to go to the city for jury duty. Wish it had broken on him! I would feel the opposite and responsible if I had caused damage like in an accident. I even feel glad it was me in a small way because I regularly monitor my dashboard and saw the overheating happening. I doubt he or his wife would have.

I guess my further dilemma is that I have had a rough relationship with him over the years. His mother was widdowed and he never fully liked our getting married 16 years ago but I thought we had moved beyond that. We have had a few big arguments on issues over the years but always have been able to forgive and forget. But now I am having this sense that while I will pay for the car if that will make him happy I really won't do him any favors in the future. I feel bad because in the end it might make relations worse. I fell like the next time they ask me to get the grand kids or watch them I would just say I am already committed elsewhere. I'd like to suggest he or his wife take time off from work to get his grandmother to her next doctor's appointment. Need a repair at home or my advice? Sorry buddy... Is that being petty? Maybe, but I feel really taken advantage of and not treated fairly.