The Thoughts I Don't Speak

[anonymous]

At times I've understood that everyone shares certain things--being scared, uncertain, needy, but putting on a brave face. Usually I forget this, and assume by default that everyone is above me. My inner dialogue is dominated by negative feelings. I say positive affirmations, and sometimes I can relax a little bit.

But, I don't really face things, I just manage to scrape by, and avoid, delay, disregard the huge task of living the life I have the potential to live. I manage to appear somewhat functional, but my ability to get things done is not good enough, and it's not improving. I'm expending a huge amount of effort just to navigate my inner turmoil. And I'm tired.

I need to meditate, exercise, read.
I need to study, I need to work, I have responsibilities piling up.

I know that things can get better. But... I'll still be me. That's the problem.
I make things hard, and I don't know a better way. I'm tired of lingering between hope and despair. That is the basic overview.