Bitch, moan, kvetch

[anonymous]

I don't know when I have ever been so conflicted. ever.

one minute, I'm cool, getting my work done. The next minute, I'm freaked out that all my waiting will be my undoing. Not answering calls is not getting easier.

Basically, I don't know what to do. I want someone to take charge for a while.

The mood swings, from neutral to panic, man, that's new and I am not digging it. I have a very thin thread to hold onto here to keep the *very bad things* from happening, and I swear, it does not look like it will hold me. I'm scared.

I am incommunicado. That is hell for me. I appreciate solitude, I enjoy quiet. But the pleasure of quiet is that it is a break from the noise. The prospect of no communication at all in the future drains all the pleasure from the solitude.

Sleeping on the floor? What's to come "home" to? No wonder I tarry.

And I'm conflicted on the goals. My goals. Her goals. His goals. Their goals.

What do they want and how is it related to what they're saying. Cause they don't match. Not even all the communication matches.

My brain hurts. My gut hurts.


My heart is broken.