Is it over?

07-03-2006, 03:27 PM

Porn is not cheating, the two have nothing to do with each other. In no way can that stretch be made.

Do what I used to do, send him a Thank You card... thanks for letting me know who you are and what you are now, before I spent any more of my valuable time on you. If if was very bad I sent a gift or flowers, usually at work.
Was not a drunken one-night-mistake, premeditated cheat... he has done it before and was going to do it again. That is why he had the pictures on hand.
I am very sorry this happened to you and am sending you loving and healing energy.

anonymousfornow · 07-04-2006, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Porn is not cheating, the two have nothing to do with each other. In no way can that stretch be made.

Do what I used to do, send him a Thank You card... thanks for letting me know who you are and what you are now, before I spent any more of my valuable time on you. If if was very bad I sent a gift or flowers, usually at work.
Was not a drunken one-night-mistake, premeditated cheat... he has done it before and was going to do it again. That is why he had the pictures on hand.
I am very sorry this happened to you and am sending you loving and healing energy.

I have no issues with porn in moderation. As a woman, I enjoy it sometimes. I dont mind videos, or magazines laying around the house. I don't mind going to the strip club once in awhile either. I've decided that men are going to do these things and it cannot be stopped. Only hidden. Given all the above criteria...I am suppose to be in a monogamous relationship and I draw the line at invitations to his apartment. We are 3 days out from my original post and although I'm trying to deal with this I am not doing a very good job. I had an all out anxiety attack on the way to work yesterday morning. We went out last night and I look at him differently. I hate that this component has crept into our relationship and so early on at that. I have made an internal decision not to make any more emotional deposits in his bank, because if I look at this objectively...he has never made a deposit...only withdrawls. I'm still looking to get in touch with my anger but I've looked for it and it isnt there. I'm just sad.

AlternateGray · 07-04-2006, 10:37 AM

Now, I obviously do not know either of you, and me offering advice to you on this subject is either hypocritical or ironic. Probably both. And making judgements based on your last post alone is foolhardy at best.

BUT. It sounds very much like you're not going to end this relationship. You're waiting for your anger to do it for you; some magical wave of willpower and indignation that's going to free you from the bonds of giving a rat's ass about this guy.

It's not going to happen. No more emotional deposits? Every second you spend in this relationship will be a deposit; whether you tell him or not, every bit of sadness (and eventually, anger) you choke down is going to be an emotional deposit. Just not a healthy one. Don't fool yourself. If you're in love with him, there is no halfway point. Your emotions are not like water from a faucet that you can cut down to a trickle and control. Just leave.

If you, God forbid, do stay with him, keep in mind that this is when you form the foundation of your relationship... and for that foundation to be halfway decent, certain things have to happen.
1. You have to confront him with what he's done
2. He needs to own up to what he's done, and sincerely express regret. No excuses. If he gets defensive, you've got a bad, rough road ahead of you.
3. He needs to be honest about why he did it, and
4. You have to able to at least start to forgive him for it.
Now, mind you, I would ask you why in the hell you'd even want to go down this path. IMH-andhypocritical-O, it's the wrong one. But I know why. And I'm tellin' you now, if you stay, and those four steps don't get done...

anonymousfornow · 07-04-2006, 01:15 PM

1. You have to confront him with what he's done
2. He needs to own up to what he's done, and sincerely express regret. No excuses. If he gets defensive, you've got a bad, rough road ahead of you.
3. He needs to be honest about why he did it, and
4. You have to able to at least start to forgive him for it.

These 4 things have happened.

Trilby · 07-04-2006, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

1. You have to confront him with what he's done
2. He needs to own up to what he's done, and sincerely express regret. No excuses. If he gets defensive, you've got a bad, rough road ahead of you.
3. He needs to be honest about why he did it, and
4. You have to able to at least start to forgive him for it.

These 4 things have happened.

Then your back to being the happy couple?

anonymousfornow · 07-06-2006, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Then your back to being the happy couple?

Not exactly.

Elspode · 07-06-2006, 03:12 PM

So do you have his yarbles hanging from your mirror, then?

limey · 07-06-2006, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

Not exactly.

This is like pulling teeth ... go on, give us a little more information so we can give you a little more support ...

MsSparkie · 07-04-2006, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

.......I have made an internal decision not to make any more emotional deposits in his bank, because if I look at this objectively...he has never made a deposit...only withdrawls. I'm still looking to get in touch with my anger but I've looked for it and it isnt there. I'm just sad.

(((((((((((anonymousfornow)))))))))))))))

That is a great decision, and I bet you might fluxuate on it, some back and forth....that's normal. Maintaining your dignity is important.

What is he saying about things? Did he agree that you were exclusive? Where does he want your relationship to go?

I wish you both the very best.

07-04-2006, 10:37 AM	#3
AlternateGray red-shirt guy Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Colorado Posts: 101	Now, I obviously do not know either of you, and me offering advice to you on this subject is either hypocritical or ironic. Probably both. And making judgements based on your last post alone is foolhardy at best. BUT. It sounds very much like you're not going to end this relationship. You're waiting for your anger to do it for you; some magical wave of willpower and indignation that's going to free you from the bonds of giving a rat's ass about this guy. It's not going to happen. No more emotional deposits? Every second you spend in this relationship will be a deposit; whether you tell him or not, every bit of sadness (and eventually, anger) you choke down is going to be an emotional deposit. Just not a healthy one. Don't fool yourself. If you're in love with him, there is no halfway point. Your emotions are not like water from a faucet that you can cut down to a trickle and control. Just leave. If you, God forbid, do stay with him, keep in mind that this is when you form the foundation of your relationship... and for that foundation to be halfway decent, certain things have to happen. 1. You have to confront him with what he's done 2. He needs to own up to what he's done, and sincerely express regret. No excuses. If he gets defensive, you've got a bad, rough road ahead of you. 3. He needs to be honest about why he did it, and 4. You have to able to at least start to forgive him for it. Now, mind you, I would ask you why in the hell you'd even want to go down this path. IMH-andhypocritical-O, it's the wrong one. But I know why. And I'm tellin' you now, if you stay, and those four steps don't get done... __________________ If it wasn't for hypergraphia, I wouldn't have put anything here at all.

07-06-2006, 03:12 PM	#7
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	So do you have his yarbles hanging from your mirror, then? __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

07-03-2006, 03:27 PM	#1
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Porn is not cheating, the two have nothing to do with each other. In no way can that stretch be made. Do what I used to do, send him a Thank You card... thanks for letting me know who you are and what you are now, before I spent any more of my valuable time on you. If if was very bad I sent a gift or flowers, usually at work. Was not a drunken one-night-mistake, premeditated cheat... he has done it before and was going to do it again. That is why he had the pictures on hand. I am very sorry this happened to you and am sending you loving and healing energy.

07-04-2006, 01:15 PM	#4
anonymousfornow May Ter Dee Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 26	1. You have to confront him with what he's done 2. He needs to own up to what he's done, and sincerely express regret. No excuses. If he gets defensive, you've got a bad, rough road ahead of you. 3. He needs to be honest about why he did it, and 4. You have to able to at least start to forgive him for it. These 4 things have happened.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)