Is it over?

AlternateGray · 07-02-2006, 12:23 PM

"I am using all my might to refuse acceptance. I don't want it to be true. I love this man."

*Sigh* I'm telling you now... in my experience, and from what I've seen, you can accept the situation and forgive him, but if you do, you're setting yourself up for a long, painful relationship. He's just going to be more careful in the future.

And don't rationalize it. If he knows you're hooked, he's going to try a million different excuses, and you're going to want to believe all of them. It'll seem so easy.

But here's the truth. GOOD PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS TO THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE. If there was something intrinsically wrong with the relationship, a man who loves you will probably approach you about it instead of slapping his pic on the net and trolling for sex (at ten months?)

Good people cheat too, it's a fact. Anyone can screw up. But this isn't like he got drunk at a party, swapped spit, and things got out of hand. This was calculated. Don't forget it.

Just my opinion.

anonymousfornow · 07-02-2006, 12:32 PM

But here's the truth. GOOD PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS TO THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE. If there was something intrinsically wrong with the relationship, a man who loves you will probably approach you about it instead of slapping his pic on the net and trolling for sex (at ten months?)

Perhaps this is where the problem lies. Maybe he isn't in love with me.

Trilby · 07-02-2006, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

Perhaps this is where the problem lies. Maybe he isn't in love with me.

Would you do this to someone YOU loved?

Lose him. Dump him and thank god you dodged a major freakin' bullit. MAJOR. Maybe this guy is a sex addict? Having dated one, I can tell you that it's about as much fun as dating a crack addict. The addiction always, ALWAYS comes first. Lose him.

Elspode · 07-02-2006, 06:16 PM

If you were supposed to be in a monogamous relationship, then he is scum, and needs to be dumped.

Not all men will behave this way, but many, many of us will. I'm not even 100% sure it means he doesn't love you. It means that he's a slut and wants as much tail as he can hit, as often as he can hit it. And no, it doesn't matter how much *you* give him, because male lust isn't *about* you, or about *any*one woman.

I blame Nature, the bitch. It takes a pretty righteous dude to fight off the organic urges and be faithful in mind, spirit and body to one woman forever. Hell, even *I* haven't figured out for sure if that's the way people are actually supposed to live, but unless my partner and I *agree* to do other people, then monogamous we are.

I would be really interested in hearing his response when confronted with the facts, though. I'm betting he will not say it was his fault. He'll be a victim somehow, you watch.

Dump him.

MsSparkie · 07-03-2006, 11:30 AM

"Acceptance
Loss and subsequent grieving is a powerful, transformative time. It is a time to take care of yourself, to let go of the past and to create a future. Unfortunately, many people get stuck in one of the stages of grief, unable to complete their process and move on.

If you are experiencing loss and grief right now, if you have recently ended or are in the process of ending a relationship, I would like to support you in moving through it in an empowering way. I've created the following list of suggestions for you to keep handy to help you cope:

Remember that you...

• will feel pain

• have survived this type of pain before and will this time as well

• will feel lonely

• are ok and lovable

Accept that...

• the relationship is over
• your ex partner has both good and bad qualities; do not idealize or discount him/her

Focus on...

• yourself
• personal growth
• self care

Get complete with...

• yourself
• your ex

Own...

• the magnificence of who you are
• your part in the relationship break-up

Give yourself time to...

• grieve
• be alone
• recover

Make sure that you...

• get touch, from friends or a body therapist
• have someone to come home to sometimes, like a relative or a friend

Reinvent...

• your community
• yourself
• your future
• your dreams

If you're experiencing the end of a short-term relationship, consider the following:

Realize that...

• the pain you feel is not about your ex partner, but about your past
• if you start healing your past, the pain will subside
• holding on to anger at an ex partner will keep you attached and in pain

Get complete with...

• your ex partner
• all of your ex partners
• your parents

Give yourself...

• room to grieve
• room to grow

Build for yourself...

• a community
• self-esteem
• a life that you love

Whether you are ending a long-term or a short-term relationship:

• don't look for a new relationship until you are done grieving
• trust that when ready you will attract the right partner
• welcome the pain as an opportunity to evolve

It's through self-evolution that you will be able to create the relationship of your dreams."

by Rinatta Paries

MsSparkie · 07-03-2006, 11:35 AM

I would also add that porn is an addiction. With any addict, you are communicating with their "addiction" not the person. They are possessed. It would take, like any other addiction, first admitting it, then they have to want to stop, then they have to seek help....etc.

No one on earth can do anything to change it if they do not wish to, but certainly an "intervention" of sorts can lead to their realization that they are hooked, and your encouragement can help them confront it.

But, personally, I would not expect him to just stop.

I know it hurts.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-03-2006, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsSparkie

I would also add that porn is an addiction.

Absolutely not! Although there are people addicted to porn, or to ice cream or anything else, the majority of people that enjoy it are not addicted.

MsSparkie · 07-03-2006, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Absolutely not! Although there are people addicted to porn, or to ice cream or anything else, the majority of people that enjoy it are not addicted.

OK....revision: for the addictive type personality it is. My ex, a severe alcoholic, "transferred" his addiction when in detox to porn and smokes.

I am a good example of those who enjoy it but are not addicted. LOL

skysidhe · 06-14-2007, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

I am in shock and looking for some magic.

I feel for ya there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Men like 'plenty' but they like 'plenty of DIFFERENT' even more.

What do you love about him? His duplicity? His sneaky-ness? His ability to pose for XXX pix to send to complete strangers?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlternateGray

This was calculated. Don't forget it.

sneaky,caculated...and wanting to try on the playboy role.

I think they already gave pretty good reasons to split.It's a matter of self respect. You were not treated with dignity, respect or honesty so no loyalty should be comming to a scoundrel.

07-02-2006, 12:23 PM	#1
AlternateGray red-shirt guy Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Colorado Posts: 101	"I am using all my might to refuse acceptance. I don't want it to be true. I love this man." Sigh I'm telling you now... in my experience, and from what I've seen, you can accept the situation and forgive him, but if you do, you're setting yourself up for a long, painful relationship. He's just going to be more careful in the future. And don't rationalize it. If he knows you're hooked, he's going to try a million different excuses, and you're going to want to believe all of them. It'll seem so easy. But here's the truth. GOOD PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS TO THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE. If there was something intrinsically wrong with the relationship, a man who loves you will probably approach you about it instead of slapping his pic on the net and trolling for sex (at ten months?) Good people cheat too, it's a fact. Anyone can screw up. But this isn't like he got drunk at a party, swapped spit, and things got out of hand. This was calculated. Don't forget it. Just my opinion. __________________ If it wasn't for hypergraphia, I wouldn't have put anything here at all.

07-02-2006, 06:16 PM	#4
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	If you were supposed to be in a monogamous relationship, then he is scum, and needs to be dumped. Not all men will behave this way, but many, many of us will. I'm not even 100% sure it means he doesn't love you. It means that he's a slut and wants as much tail as he can hit, as often as he can hit it. And no, it doesn't matter how much you give him, because male lust isn't about you, or about anyone woman. I blame Nature, the bitch. It takes a pretty righteous dude to fight off the organic urges and be faithful in mind, spirit and body to one woman forever. Hell, even I haven't figured out for sure if that's the way people are actually supposed to live, but unless my partner and I agree to do other people, then monogamous we are. I would be really interested in hearing his response when confronted with the facts, though. I'm betting he will not say it was his fault. He'll be a victim somehow, you watch. Dump him. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

07-03-2006, 11:30 AM	#5
MsSparkie Curious Sagittarius Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 302	"Acceptance Loss and subsequent grieving is a powerful, transformative time. It is a time to take care of yourself, to let go of the past and to create a future. Unfortunately, many people get stuck in one of the stages of grief, unable to complete their process and move on. If you are experiencing loss and grief right now, if you have recently ended or are in the process of ending a relationship, I would like to support you in moving through it in an empowering way. I've created the following list of suggestions for you to keep handy to help you cope: Remember that you... • will feel pain • have survived this type of pain before and will this time as well • will feel lonely • are ok and lovable Accept that... • the relationship is over • your ex partner has both good and bad qualities; do not idealize or discount him/her Focus on... • yourself • personal growth • self care Get complete with... • yourself • your ex Own... • the magnificence of who you are • your part in the relationship break-up Give yourself time to... • grieve • be alone • recover Make sure that you... • get touch, from friends or a body therapist • have someone to come home to sometimes, like a relative or a friend Reinvent... • your community • yourself • your future • your dreams If you're experiencing the end of a short-term relationship, consider the following: Realize that... • the pain you feel is not about your ex partner, but about your past • if you start healing your past, the pain will subside • holding on to anger at an ex partner will keep you attached and in pain Get complete with... • your ex partner • all of your ex partners • your parents Give yourself... • room to grieve • room to grow Build for yourself... • a community • self-esteem • a life that you love Whether you are ending a long-term or a short-term relationship: • don't look for a new relationship until you are done grieving • trust that when ready you will attract the right partner • welcome the pain as an opportunity to evolve It's through self-evolution that you will be able to create the relationship of your dreams." by Rinatta Paries __________________ ~There is a forest in an acorn......

07-03-2006, 11:35 AM	#6
MsSparkie Curious Sagittarius Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 302	I would also add that porn is an addiction. With any addict, you are communicating with their "addiction" not the person. They are possessed. It would take, like any other addiction, first admitting it, then they have to want to stop, then they have to seek help....etc. No one on earth can do anything to change it if they do not wish to, but certainly an "intervention" of sorts can lead to their realization that they are hooked, and your encouragement can help them confront it. But, personally, I would not expect him to just stop. I know it hurts. __________________ ~There is a forest in an acorn......

07-02-2006, 12:32 PM	#2
anonymousfornow May Ter Dee Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 26	But here's the truth. GOOD PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS TO THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE. If there was something intrinsically wrong with the relationship, a man who loves you will probably approach you about it instead of slapping his pic on the net and trolling for sex (at ten months?) Perhaps this is where the problem lies. Maybe he isn't in love with me.

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