Potential sub looking for guidance

[morethanpretty]

*Ahem*
I would like to point out that I have been a very good writer long before I was 17 and that not only am I the product of an American school, I was the product a Texan school. My parents deserve the most credit for my success. My mom taught me to read and pushed me to get the best grades at all times because she knew I was capable of them. I think parents should take more responsibility for their children's education and not expect the school to be completely responsible. This attitude that "the school is at fault" pisses me off a bit, the teachers are not there to raise your kids and instill them with the self reliability and curiosity it takes to learn. My mother was not highly educated herself, she got her GED (equivalent of a high school diploma) after I was born. Her mother had not even been able to complete middle school. Despite those obstacles, my grandma instilled in my mom the importance of learning and my mom instilled that value in me.



Back to the subject of this thread:
Why do we always get female subs? Where are the men subs?
Kay, do be cautious about who you trust even if there is not supposed to be any sex involved. Also, maybe see a counselor. I'm not trying to be insulting, but from my personal experience I have not met a sub who was emotionally/mentally stable. I might just know the wrong subs, but from that experience, you might benefit from talking to a professional and exploring the reason why you're a sub. I don't mean to suggest that you need to change, but I am just saying that you are young and you might benefit from some professional insight. If you're already seeing a counselor, I'll just STFU.


****Disclaimer: Any spelling or grammatical mistakes in this post that may discredit my claim at being a decent writer were made under the influence of pain killers and are therefor not subject to scrutiny. I reserve the right to change/edit/add/retract any statement I have made at a later date without warning.****

[GunMaster357]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Back to the subject of this thread:

Allright, time for some fun and a bit of a coming out.

I am what is considered by some as a Dominant.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Why do we always get female subs? Where are the men subs?

Well, there are male subs, but they are quite rare at least from an heterosexual point of view. I think it's because we're wired that way both physically and culturally. Don't get me wrong : I'm for the equality between men and women. It's just the way we are.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Kay, do be cautious about who you trust even if there is not supposed to be any sex involved.

That is the main point : TRUST. I cannot stress it enough. Kay, the kind of relationship you're looking for is NOT for casual sex. You have to know your partner literaly inside out. And it goes both way.

In my own case, I'm not currently involved with anyone. That's because when I encounter a woman that may become my partner, I put everything on the table. Otherwise, it's like any other sexual relationship. It may go on for some time

I consider a D/s relationship as something that has to stay behind the bedroom door. In everyday life, my partner would do as every independant woman should do : make her own decisions.

Another important point : SAFETY. If you ever decide to become involved with someone, start to experiment lightly. Especially if the Dominant hasn't much experience. There may be times you'll put your very LIFE in his hands.

So, no bullwhip on the first session.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Also, maybe see a counselor. I'm not trying to be insulting, but from my personal experience I have not met a sub who was emotionally/mentally stable. I might just know the wrong subs, but from that experience, you might benefit from talking to a professional and exploring the reason why you're a sub. I don't mean to suggest that you need to change, but I am just saying that you are young and you might benefit from some professional insight. If you're already seeing a counselor, I'll just STFU.

I've met with female subs that were very happy in their life (married and with children). Submission was only a side of their private life. An itch they sometimes wanted to scratch.

I've also met some that were a bit askew because they had a very bad image of themselves, not necessarily coming from their D/s relation.

I've never met with a true sex slave.

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by GunMaster357

That is the main point : TRUST. I cannot stress it enough. Kay, the kind of relationship you're looking for is NOT for casual sex. You have to know your partner literaly inside out. And it goes both way.

In my own case, I'm not currently involved with anyone. That's because when I encounter a woman that may become my partner, I put everything on the table. Otherwise, it's like any other sexual relationship. It may go on for some time

I consider a D/s relationship as something that has to stay behind the bedroom door. In everyday life, my partner would do as every independant woman should do : make her own decisions.

Another important point : SAFETY. If you ever decide to become involved with someone, start to experiment lightly. Especially if the Dominant hasn't much experience. There may be times you'll put your very LIFE in his hands.

So, no bullwhip on the first session.



I've met with female subs that were very happy in their life (married and with children). Submission was only a side of their private life. An itch they sometimes wanted to scratch.

I've also met some that were a bit askew because they had a very bad image of themselves, not necessarily coming from their D/s relation.

I've never met with a true sex slave.

I'm not worried about her sex life, just her life life. Why does she want someone else to control every aspect of that? Those are the types of subs that I've known who have had serious emotional issues. A little D/s play in the bedroom isn't a big deal. I'm talking about LIFESTYLE, day to day, the little bitty shit that someone feels they need someone else to control. Thats too far over the line for me to say "yeah, this person is of a healthy mindset." No, when you want someone else to run your life for you, that is not healthy.

[Rrrraven]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Also, maybe see a counselor. I'm not trying to be insulting, but from my personal experience I have not met a sub who was emotionally/mentally stable. I might just know the wrong subs, but from that experience, you might benefit from talking to a professional and exploring the reason why you're a sub. I don't mean to suggest that you need to change, but I am just saying that you are young and you might benefit from some professional insight.

I think that suggesting someone might need counseling to explore why they identify as a sub is like telling someone they're not okay for something as basic as sexual orientation. Different is not deviant.

I also think that there tends to be some misinformation outside of the D/s world as to who actually has the *power* in a D/s relationship. Most subs I know are extremely dominant in their professional lives/family lives and choose to submit in their sexual lives. One could argue that the sub has all the power, or even better that a D/s relationship is all about power exchange. Negotiation is optimal in D/s relationships, if you can't negotiate your relationship, your limits, then there is no D/s relationship.

Just my .02

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by Rrrraven

I think that suggesting someone might need counseling to explore why they identify as a sub is like telling someone they're not okay for something as basic as sexual orientation. Different is not deviant.

I also think that there tends to be some misinformation outside of the D/s world as to who actually has the *power* in a D/s relationship. Most subs I know are extremely dominant in their professional lives/family lives and choose to submit in their sexual lives. One could argue that the sub has all the power, or even better that a D/s relationship is all about power exchange. Negotiation is optimal in D/s relationships, if you can't negotiate your relationship, your limits, then there is no D/s relationship.

Just my .02

Sexual orientation and lifestyle are not synonymous. Your life should not revolve around another person, or be in the control of someone else. This poster is talking about having a dom tell her what to do on a day to day basis.

where I can surrender control to a dominant on some daily activites (e.g. clothes I wear, food I eat etc.).

Basic vocabulary lesson: different and deviant are synonyms. Just FYI.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Sexual orientation and lifestyle are not synonymous. Your life should not revolve around another person, or be in the control of someone else. This poster is talking about having a dom tell her what to do on a day to day basis.

She's talking about surrendering control on certain specified things. This is essentially a form of deep roleplay. Your post shows a fundamental lack of understanding of the BDSM experience.

From her posts, Katie seems self-aware and curious. What better way to try the concept out than by playing the role with an internet dom, in a context that she, the sub, actually controls entirely?

Just because it doesn't float your boat, please don't assume it is sinister.