Sycamore writes Santa Claus

elSicomoro · 12-09-2002, 08:16 PM

9 December 2002

Santa Claus
North Pole

Dear Santa:

You're going to get a ton of letters this year, but I don't think you'll be getting many from 27-year olds...ah, what do I know?

You're going to be receiving letters from kids that want Spongebob Squarepants, X boxes, and Yu-gi-oh! cards. I too am going to be asking for a few things, but I'm going to give you the option as to what to bring. I'd be happy with one, two, some, or all of them, so don't feel like you're under pressure here.

I'll get the real material things out of the way first: Playstation 2 with Madden 2003, a DVD player that will allow me to play both North American and European DVDs, a 35" TV, a new living room furniture set, a new queen size bed, $100,000 cash tax-paid, or a car.

But there are two things in particular that I would like more than anything...and they're not quite the standard "material" schtick.

I would love to have a new job. I've been looking very very hard for the past year, and just can't seem to get my foot in the door. I'm not asking for anything overly grand here...a nice admin assistant job in the city or nearby suburbs that pays at least $26,000 a year and offers vacation time and health benefits. See...I'm not asking for my own office or anything.

The other thing would be a new kidney for my fiance, Rhoda. She has been suffering from end stage renal disease for over a year. Her sickness has made it difficult for her to get a job, leaves her feeling ill a lot, and makes her rather unhappy and frustrated. As you may know, it is very hard to find African-American donors in the US, and most African-Americans can only get a kidney from another African-American. Perhaps you could gently nudge some of her family members to take the steps necessary to determine if they are donor matches. My family members are unfortunately not good matches.

I've tried to be very good this year. I've been working on making myself better physically, and have tried to be the best Sycamore I can be. I'm not perfect, but I assure you that I am trying to smooth out the wrinkles.

As I previously mentioned, there is no pressure here. Any of the above gifts would be nice, though the last two mentioned would be even more fantastic.

Well, I guess that's it. Be careful driving in the snow, and don't drink too much egg nog...you never know what's in that stuff.

Merry Christmas.

Your pal,

Sycamore

slang · 12-09-2002, 09:35 PM

Very witty stuff Syc.

I think the job thing will fall into place once Rendell gets situated. He'll need a swarm of administrative staffers to keep track of us gun nuts, in preparation for the end game, total confiscation.

Rhoda's kidney trouble seems a bit more complicated. I know nothing about organ transplant or the process of recieving one. Maybe one of the gun nuts killed in the house to house raids will be a match, and not be too terribly damaged.

Just kidding, I feel for you both. I wish I could help you.

Life often turns on a dime, don't lose hope.

wolf · 12-10-2002, 02:11 AM

Dear Syc,

I hope that Santa brings you everything you asked for.

jaguar · 12-10-2002, 06:17 AM

I'm with wolf.
Christ i'm agreeable today, you'd think i was on e or something. (no, i'm not.)

Griff · 12-10-2002, 06:22 AM

What they said brother, don't lose heart. g

elSicomoro · 12-12-2002, 11:31 PM

Thanks for the kind words, folks!

Please note, this was by no means an attempt to draw sympathy out of anybody, nor an attempt to feel sorry for myself or Rhoda.

The inspiration was two-fold:

--Back in the mid-80s, there used to be commercials on TV back in St. Louis for this group home for troubled kids. The place was called Boys Town of Missouri, and it's located near St. James, about an hour or so southwest of St. Louis...i.e. out in the middle of fucking nowhere. (Actually, it's in the Ozark Mountains, which is beautiful country.) From what I've heard, the place is rather successful in helping kids out.

In any case, the purpose of the commercial was to raise money (the place was run by a non-profit joint). And they used to run this one commercial that showed a kid that had just recently went to Boys Town...he's writing Santa, saying something like he's not sure if Santa will want to visit him, but here's his new address in case he does. Then comes the voiceover...Tim has not had a good life...he's been called a loser, a truant, a bad boy. Your donation to Boys Town can do blah blah blah... Then at the end of the commercial, they show Tim receiving a gift from "Santa Claus" and he's got this whole amazed grin going. It's a rather sad commercial now that I think about it, but we used to make fun of it all the time...I would taunt my brother with it (as his name is Timothy, and he was hell on wheels as a child) and tell my mom we should send him there.

So, in any case...whenever I think of that commercial, I tend to laugh...god, that's sad. And since I like using humor, why not write Santa?

--Inspiration # 2 is a bit more complex. Part of it is venting, part of it is trying to hold on to what optimism I have left, part of it is using Santa as a vehicle for God, I guess...

slang · 12-15-2002, 12:50 AM

Dear Santa,

I have been somewhat good this year. I was not arrested or sued and I helped a baby bird survive a fall out of the tree out back. That shows improvement , which I am certain you have noticed. I do understand though I may be on both of your "naughty" and "nice" lists. I hope I have enough credits to make a request.

My friend Sycamore sent you a letter about a week or so ago. He's a liberal pussy, but I hope you at least read his letter. I saw a copy of the letter he sent you and he wants some pretty tough to find items for Christmas. He also wrote that he had been good but didn't really define what good is, that's your call. Anyway, I have an amendment for his list and I thought you might be too busy this late in the season to actually check up on things.

We both know that a good firearm makes the perfect gift. This is where you come in. I know the BATF frowns on people giving out weapons without documentation. Maybe you could give Sycamore a gift certificate for a handgun. It wouldnt have to be a great big manly gun, just something to grow a little hair on his chest. Something he may be able to raise some cash with, you know, until he finds the job he wants. I thought you might leave a gift certificate instead of the other material things he put on his list. This would also be a lot easier on you and the reindeer. Leave him something he will always remember and own (until the feds confiscate all firearms) with pride.

I also wanted to apologize for not apologizing much earlier about the little incident last year. When the silent alarm went off I was startled. Before I remembered it might be you, I'd already dumped a clip. You move pretty quick for an old guy too I might add. I tried to catch up with you on the roof, but you were already gone by the time I got up there. I sincerely regret shooting at you and not apologizing. It was a poor choice of reactions and was insensitive and I am very sorry. I grew up in an environment that condoned policies and views that we now know were wrong and immoral, and I repudiate them. It is my hope that you will understand that this was a mistake of my trigger finger and not my heart. This year of you decide to visit again I will have the alarm off, the dogs caged up, and a big pile of cookies for you. Again, I am sorry and apologize for not regretting that I didnt apologize for the lack of an apology.

Slang

elSicomoro · 12-15-2002, 01:07 PM

Ummm...me and a gun...not a good idea.

slang · 12-15-2002, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sycamore
Ummm...me and a gun...not a good idea.

Ok Syc. I'll write him back and cancel. How about a good sword?

wolf · 12-16-2002, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sycamore
Ummm...me and a gun...not a good idea.

How do you know until you've tried?

C'mon ... just once ... it'll be fun ...

slang · 12-16-2002, 09:28 PM

(make sure you are alone and your health insurance is current first)

wolf · 12-16-2002, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slang
(make sure you are alone and your health insurance is current first)

You're just jealous because I can shoot better than you can.

slang · 12-16-2002, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf

You're just jealous because I can shoot better than you can.

Only if I'm drunk and riding a moose backwards.:p

MaggieL · 12-17-2002, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by slang
Dear Santa...
I also wanted to apologize for not apologizing much earlier about the little incident last year. When the silent alarm went off I was startled. Before I remembered it might be you, I'd already dumped a clip....

MaggieL · 12-17-2002, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf

How do you know until you've tried?
C'mon ... just once ... it'll be fun ...

Sure...we'll both help you, if you want.

And the Pink Pistol shoot is on Saturday. Come have lunch with us and then c'mon to the range. You can rent a gun there or I'll show you how to shoot one of ours.

12-09-2002, 08:16 PM	#1
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Sycamore writes Santa Claus 9 December 2002 Santa Claus North Pole Dear Santa: You're going to get a ton of letters this year, but I don't think you'll be getting many from 27-year olds...ah, what do I know? You're going to be receiving letters from kids that want Spongebob Squarepants, X boxes, and Yu-gi-oh! cards. I too am going to be asking for a few things, but I'm going to give you the option as to what to bring. I'd be happy with one, two, some, or all of them, so don't feel like you're under pressure here. I'll get the real material things out of the way first: Playstation 2 with Madden 2003, a DVD player that will allow me to play both North American and European DVDs, a 35" TV, a new living room furniture set, a new queen size bed, $100,000 cash tax-paid, or a car. But there are two things in particular that I would like more than anything...and they're not quite the standard "material" schtick. I would love to have a new job. I've been looking very very hard for the past year, and just can't seem to get my foot in the door. I'm not asking for anything overly grand here...a nice admin assistant job in the city or nearby suburbs that pays at least $26,000 a year and offers vacation time and health benefits. See...I'm not asking for my own office or anything. The other thing would be a new kidney for my fiance, Rhoda. She has been suffering from end stage renal disease for over a year. Her sickness has made it difficult for her to get a job, leaves her feeling ill a lot, and makes her rather unhappy and frustrated. As you may know, it is very hard to find African-American donors in the US, and most African-Americans can only get a kidney from another African-American. Perhaps you could gently nudge some of her family members to take the steps necessary to determine if they are donor matches. My family members are unfortunately not good matches. I've tried to be very good this year. I've been working on making myself better physically, and have tried to be the best Sycamore I can be. I'm not perfect, but I assure you that I am trying to smooth out the wrinkles. As I previously mentioned, there is no pressure here. Any of the above gifts would be nice, though the last two mentioned would be even more fantastic. Well, I guess that's it. Be careful driving in the snow, and don't drink too much egg nog...you never know what's in that stuff. Merry Christmas. Your pal, Sycamore

12-10-2002, 02:11 AM	#3
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Dear Syc, I hope that Santa brings you everything you asked for. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-10-2002, 06:17 AM	#4
jaguar whig Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 5,075	I'm with wolf. Christ i'm agreeable today, you'd think i was on e or something. (no, i'm not.) __________________ Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Twain

12-10-2002, 06:22 AM	#5
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	What they said brother, don't lose heart. g __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

12-12-2002, 11:31 PM	#6
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Thanks for the kind words, folks! Please note, this was by no means an attempt to draw sympathy out of anybody, nor an attempt to feel sorry for myself or Rhoda. The inspiration was two-fold: --Back in the mid-80s, there used to be commercials on TV back in St. Louis for this group home for troubled kids. The place was called Boys Town of Missouri, and it's located near St. James, about an hour or so southwest of St. Louis...i.e. out in the middle of fucking nowhere. (Actually, it's in the Ozark Mountains, which is beautiful country.) From what I've heard, the place is rather successful in helping kids out. In any case, the purpose of the commercial was to raise money (the place was run by a non-profit joint). And they used to run this one commercial that showed a kid that had just recently went to Boys Town...he's writing Santa, saying something like he's not sure if Santa will want to visit him, but here's his new address in case he does. Then comes the voiceover...Tim has not had a good life...he's been called a loser, a truant, a bad boy. Your donation to Boys Town can do blah blah blah... Then at the end of the commercial, they show Tim receiving a gift from "Santa Claus" and he's got this whole amazed grin going. It's a rather sad commercial now that I think about it, but we used to make fun of it all the time...I would taunt my brother with it (as his name is Timothy, and he was hell on wheels as a child) and tell my mom we should send him there. So, in any case...whenever I think of that commercial, I tend to laugh...god, that's sad. And since I like using humor, why not write Santa? --Inspiration # 2 is a bit more complex. Part of it is venting, part of it is trying to hold on to what optimism I have left, part of it is using Santa as a vehicle for God, I guess... Last edited by elSicomoro; 12-13-2002 at 12:37 AM.

12-09-2002, 09:35 PM	#2
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Very witty stuff Syc. I think the job thing will fall into place once Rendell gets situated. He'll need a swarm of administrative staffers to keep track of us gun nuts, in preparation for the end game, total confiscation. Rhoda's kidney trouble seems a bit more complicated. I know nothing about organ transplant or the process of recieving one. Maybe one of the gun nuts killed in the house to house raids will be a match, and not be too terribly damaged. Just kidding, I feel for you both. I wish I could help you. Life often turns on a dime, don't lose hope.

12-15-2002, 12:50 AM	#7
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Dear Santa, I have been somewhat good this year. I was not arrested or sued and I helped a baby bird survive a fall out of the tree out back. That shows improvement , which I am certain you have noticed. I do understand though I may be on both of your "naughty" and "nice" lists. I hope I have enough credits to make a request. My friend Sycamore sent you a letter about a week or so ago. He's a liberal pussy, but I hope you at least read his letter. I saw a copy of the letter he sent you and he wants some pretty tough to find items for Christmas. He also wrote that he had been good but didn't really define what good is, that's your call. Anyway, I have an amendment for his list and I thought you might be too busy this late in the season to actually check up on things. We both know that a good firearm makes the perfect gift. This is where you come in. I know the BATF frowns on people giving out weapons without documentation. Maybe you could give Sycamore a gift certificate for a handgun. It wouldnt have to be a great big manly gun, just something to grow a little hair on his chest. Something he may be able to raise some cash with, you know, until he finds the job he wants. I thought you might leave a gift certificate instead of the other material things he put on his list. This would also be a lot easier on you and the reindeer. Leave him something he will always remember and own (until the feds confiscate all firearms) with pride. I also wanted to apologize for not apologizing much earlier about the little incident last year. When the silent alarm went off I was startled. Before I remembered it might be you, I'd already dumped a clip. You move pretty quick for an old guy too I might add. I tried to catch up with you on the roof, but you were already gone by the time I got up there. I sincerely regret shooting at you and not apologizing. It was a poor choice of reactions and was insensitive and I am very sorry. I grew up in an environment that condoned policies and views that we now know were wrong and immoral, and I repudiate them. It is my hope that you will understand that this was a mistake of my trigger finger and not my heart. This year of you decide to visit again I will have the alarm off, the dogs caged up, and a big pile of cookies for you. Again, I am sorry and apologize for not regretting that I didnt apologize for the lack of an apology. Slang __________________ FTFF

12-15-2002, 01:07 PM	#8
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Ummm...me and a gun...not a good idea.

12-16-2002, 09:28 PM	#11
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	(make sure you are alone and your health insurance is current first)

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