Single parent children

it · 06-09-2015, 03:05 PM

For those of you who grew up in single parent families:

How do you remember your mother's old husbands and boyfriends?
Have you established parental relationships with any of them and thought of them as your father? Do you remember feeling loved by them? How did you deal when they separated from your mother? Have you ever tried reconnecting with them or keeping your relationships with them? Have they with you? How do you feel about them now as adults?

(Replace genders for the case of a single-father families).

classicman · 06-09-2015, 04:24 PM

I am a single parent, but I wasn't a single parent child...

it · 06-09-2015, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

I am a single parent, but I wasn't a single parent child...

I guess it should have been "single parent's children".

I don't suppose any of your children are old enough to answer those?

Undertoad · 06-09-2015, 06:03 PM

They were generally annoying, depending on how much drama was involved. I could not discern whether any of them had any concern for me. I was generally happier when there were no others involved. By the time something got serious enough to result in marriage, I was a teenager; he turned out to be a dick and one of his adult daughters was cruel to me* and nobody seemed to give much of a crap.

I feel like this is important for you to understand, Trace... as a young person, I did not have the capacity to understand the adult relationships that went on. I still don't know whether certain males were, uh, suitors or whatever you might say.

My own reaction to them was wholly based on my mother's reaction. It is as a dog: if you have a dog, they look to you to determine their own reaction. If they attempted to love me or concern me in any way, I looked to mom to know how to feel about that. My only concern was what it meant for her and what it would do to our situation. I had a lack of understanding at age 7 and I still had it at age 14.

I have not had children of my own. But I know for sure that with a single parent situation, the stability is what the child wants. Our life is already fucked up enough. If you, my single parent, go missing or unstable, I'm really fucked. So, when you are weak, I feel vulnerable. When you are threatened, I am terrified.

*Ah, sometimes, the beauty of the Internet hooking people back up. I wrote her a few sentences about her father's passing, and she apologized with some embarrassment. I realized I had forced her to recall the whole situation and the memory was unpleasant. I imagined her thinking, He was so nice to say something and I was always a horrible cunt to him. That's right bitch, victory is mine, because I play the long game. 30 years or more. Do whatever you like to me today. I'll be back.

monster · 06-09-2015, 08:44 PM

Didn't like any of them particularly, hated one or two, mostly felt sorry for them. They had no idea what they were getting in to. Rarely thinkabout them -haven't seen her for 15 years, no, no, no, no and no, pretty much covers the rest of it

Clodfobble · 06-09-2015, 09:17 PM

Stepdad was an emotionally abusive asshole. He certainly thought that he loved me, because he never understood that what he really wanted was to control me. My mom left him about 13 years ago and I took the opportunity to never speak to or see his again.

Stepmom (really just very serious multi-year girlfriend) was great, but bipolar. I never saw much of the bad times, but it was apparently enough that my dad couldn't handle it, so they didn't last. It was a shame because I really liked her. Haven't seen her since she and my dad broke up, but only because it happened to work out that way. My dad has talked to her kids once or twice now that they are adults, after they called for help with a specialized thing that he does for a living.

it · 06-10-2015, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

My mom left him about 13 years ago and I took the opportunity to never speak to or see his again.

Can I ask how old were you at the time?

Clodfobble · 06-10-2015, 11:15 AM

It was right around my 21st birthday, maybe a couple weeks after.

BigV · 06-10-2015, 01:50 PM

I've been a step child and a step parent. I was the child of a single parent for a good portion of my childhood. A lot of that time, I have no memory of my parent's romantic life, so, no opinion there. My parents divorced when I was very young and my sister and I lived with our Dad. My Dad died when I was ten, and then we went and lived with my Mom. She was already with another man who would become my stepdad.

Before they married, I was ready to attach to W as my new father figure. He treated me and my sister well. He was obviously in love with my Mom, which was as I thought it should be (to the extent that I thought of it at all). W had three sons from his recently deceased wife he brought to the union. It was not exactly the Brady Bunch, but it was pretty close.

Mom married W and he became my father. I referred to him as Dad, and still do, without missing a beat. He loved me (and my sister and my step brother and my half-sister) until the day he died. And I loved him and love him still.

My Mom lives a few miles away from me today, and I see her regularly. We have a good relationship. I miss both my Dads, but they live on in me and in my kids. They taught me how to be a man and a father. I can never repay that debt.

06-09-2015, 03:05 PM	#1
it Banned Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 772	Single parent children For those of you who grew up in single parent families: How do you remember your mother's old husbands and boyfriends? Have you established parental relationships with any of them and thought of them as your father? Do you remember feeling loved by them? How did you deal when they separated from your mother? Have you ever tried reconnecting with them or keeping your relationships with them? Have they with you? How do you feel about them now as adults? (Replace genders for the case of a single-father families).

06-09-2015, 04:24 PM	#2
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	I am a single parent, but I wasn't a single parent child... __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

06-09-2015, 08:44 PM	#5
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Didn't like any of them particularly, hated one or two, mostly felt sorry for them. They had no idea what they were getting in to. Rarely thinkabout them -haven't seen her for 15 years, no, no, no, no and no, pretty much covers the rest of it __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-09-2015, 09:17 PM	#6
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Stepdad was an emotionally abusive asshole. He certainly thought that he loved me, because he never understood that what he really wanted was to control me. My mom left him about 13 years ago and I took the opportunity to never speak to or see his again. Stepmom (really just very serious multi-year girlfriend) was great, but bipolar. I never saw much of the bad times, but it was apparently enough that my dad couldn't handle it, so they didn't last. It was a shame because I really liked her. Haven't seen her since she and my dad broke up, but only because it happened to work out that way. My dad has talked to her kids once or twice now that they are adults, after they called for help with a specialized thing that he does for a living. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

06-10-2015, 11:15 AM	#8
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	It was right around my 21st birthday, maybe a couple weeks after. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

06-09-2015, 06:03 PM	#4
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	They were generally annoying, depending on how much drama was involved. I could not discern whether any of them had any concern for me. I was generally happier when there were no others involved. By the time something got serious enough to result in marriage, I was a teenager; he turned out to be a dick and one of his adult daughters was cruel to me* and nobody seemed to give much of a crap. I feel like this is important for you to understand, Trace... as a young person, I did not have the capacity to understand the adult relationships that went on. I still don't know whether certain males were, uh, suitors or whatever you might say. My own reaction to them was wholly based on my mother's reaction. It is as a dog: if you have a dog, they look to you to determine their own reaction. If they attempted to love me or concern me in any way, I looked to mom to know how to feel about that. My only concern was what it meant for her and what it would do to our situation. I had a lack of understanding at age 7 and I still had it at age 14. I have not had children of my own. But I know for sure that with a single parent situation, the stability is what the child wants. Our life is already fucked up enough. If you, my single parent, go missing or unstable, I'm really fucked. So, when you are weak, I feel vulnerable. When you are threatened, I am terrified. Ah, sometimes, the beauty of the Internet hooking people back up. I wrote her a few sentences about her father's passing, and she apologized with some embarrassment. I realized I had forced her to recall the whole situation and the memory was unpleasant. I imagined her thinking, He was so nice to say something and I was always a horrible cunt to him.* That's right bitch, victory is mine, because I play the long game. 30 years or more. Do whatever you like to me today. I'll be back.

06-10-2015, 01:50 PM	#9
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I've been a step child and a step parent. I was the child of a single parent for a good portion of my childhood. A lot of that time, I have no memory of my parent's romantic life, so, no opinion there. My parents divorced when I was very young and my sister and I lived with our Dad. My Dad died when I was ten, and then we went and lived with my Mom. She was already with another man who would become my stepdad. Before they married, I was ready to attach to W as my new father figure. He treated me and my sister well. He was obviously in love with my Mom, which was as I thought it should be (to the extent that I thought of it at all). W had three sons from his recently deceased wife he brought to the union. It was not exactly the Brady Bunch, but it was pretty close. Mom married W and he became my father. I referred to him as Dad, and still do, without missing a beat. He loved me (and my sister and my step brother and my half-sister) until the day he died. And I loved him and love him still. My Mom lives a few miles away from me today, and I see her regularly. We have a good relationship. I miss both my Dads, but they live on in me and in my kids. They taught me how to be a man and a father. I can never repay that debt. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

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