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Old 02-07-2013, 03:40 PM   #1
infinite monkey
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The Landshark Thread

http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php?t=7734

Post your landshark interpretation here! I'll start with the original landshark.

[Scene: Interior. A New York apartment. There is a knock at the door.]
Woman: [speaking through closed door] Yes?
Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Arlsburgerhhh?
Woman: Who?
Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Johannesburrrr?
Woman: Who is it?
Voice: [pause] Flowers.
Woman: Flowers for whom?
Voice: [long pause] Plumber, ma'am.
Woman: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?
Voice: [pause] Candygram.
Woman: Candygram, my foot! You get out of here before I call the police! You're the shark, and you know it!
Voice: Wait. I-I'm only a dolphin, ma'am.
Woman: A dolphin? Well... Okay. [opens door]
[Huge latex and foam-rubber shark head lunges through open door, chomps down on woman's head, and drags her out of the apartment, as Jaws attack music plays.]
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Old 02-07-2013, 04:00 PM   #2
footfootfoot
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I loved landshark. i have no idea what you want me to write though.
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Old 02-07-2013, 04:03 PM   #3
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Quote:
It's Grandma.
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Old 02-07-2013, 04:04 PM   #4
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Quote:
Laaaaandshaaaaark.
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Old 02-07-2013, 05:28 PM   #5
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Well, that beer chart, for instance, pointed to Landshark beer for parrotheads, and google images is chockful of interesting pictures. Or you could write a poem. Or draw one. Or knap one!
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:25 PM   #6
toranokaze
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I thought I wasn't supposed to drink and post
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:39 PM   #7
footfootfoot
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Rules were meant to be broken.
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Old 02-08-2013, 12:27 AM   #8
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Land ..... Dolphin
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Old 02-08-2013, 06:41 AM   #9
footfootfoot
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I'm not 100% sure I 'get' furries.

Maybe the Scottish Squirrel

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Old 02-08-2013, 08:08 AM   #10
infinite monkey
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Hark! Hark!
Is that the landshark?
Knocking on my door is he wanting more
Flesh?

The peephole doesn't help people
Distinguish between dolphin and shark
Is it a harmless mammal
Or a fish knocking on doors in the dark?

Don't! Stop!
Don't open that door!
And don't go into that basement
It's full of monsters galore. At least FOUR!

And also don't move to Amityville.
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Old 02-08-2013, 10:00 AM   #11
infinite monkey
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I have always depended on the cleverness of strangers.

Oh wait, that must be somewhere else.

No shark snark. I am disappoint.

Come on, all the cool kids are doing it. I am, and I AM the cool kid.

You coulda been a contender. You coulda been somebody, instead of a bum-sitter, which is what you are, let's face it. (Get it? Huh? Waterfront? Shark?)

I won't be here all week, but eat something!

Last edited by infinite monkey; 02-08-2013 at 10:33 AM.
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Old 02-08-2013, 11:15 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
I'm not 100% sure I 'get' furries.
It saves a paper bag.
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Old 02-11-2013, 01:03 AM   #13
toranokaze
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What is not to get it is having sex as an animal
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Old 02-11-2013, 09:08 AM   #14
footfootfoot
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Having sex with an animal?
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Old 02-11-2013, 09:31 AM   #15
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Wait, if I squirell things away does that makes me Michelle Gomez?
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