Passed Away

Spectacle · 11-26-2007, 07:19 PM

My landlord took his own life last week.

Didn't see that one coming.

I started to post here because I enjoy commenting or giving advice to others. But I rarely, seldom disclose personal information. And yet here I am, feeling confused and empty. He was not a friend of mine, just an acquaintance for the years I've lived here. He wasn't very personable, so I never felt the need to be personable with him. I know him as well as you home owners know your mailman.

But I have been thinking more than I usually do. What motivates someone to do this? Should I feel more sorrow? I don't think I am a terrible person, but I just might be.

Aliantha · 11-26-2007, 07:29 PM

you're not terrible mate. If you don't know someone then it's pretty natural not to be too upset by their passing.

I can't answer the question as to why people do stuff like that other than to say that lots of us have low points in our lives where we've entertained the idea in our minds. I know I have, but there was something that stopped me from going ahead with it.

I think that happens to most people. For some though, there's nothing - in their minds - to stop them.

Maybe you can go to the funeral anyway? Or maybe you can just go about your business as per usual. The choice is yours, and your feelings are yours. It's not up to anyone else to tell you how to feel, and there's nothing wrong with you feeling nothing.

Cloud · 11-26-2007, 07:32 PM

I think it's natural to be upset at the death of anyone you know, and suicide is especially upsetting. Such things make us look at our own lives and the spectre of death.

Even if you don't know the person well, I think the stages of grief could apply.

classicman · 11-26-2007, 08:05 PM

Thats really too bad - people who take their own lives mostly leave a wake of problems and grief for those that cared about them. To me, it is the most selfish act of all. Feel bad that he passed? perhaps, but not the way he did it. Just my opinion - worth what you paid for it.

glatt · 11-26-2007, 10:47 PM

A homeless guy jumped off my work building a few years ago and splattered in the alley. It made me sad for a day or so. I didn't even know the guy or see the aftermath. Just heard about it and saw others' reactions. That's more messed up. Getting sad over someone you never saw or knew, wtf was up with that?

The real question is, how does this affect you? You have a copy of your lease, right? Any new owner should still be bound by that.

Clodfobble · 11-26-2007, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

The real question is, how does this affect you? You have a copy of your lease, right? Any new owner should still be bound by that.

That was my first thought too, to be honest. You'll be a lot sadder if you are unexpectedly evicted by whoever his estate passes to.

LJ · 11-27-2007, 12:00 AM

a person wonders what is beyond. he has nothing that keeps him here. he goes.

Aliantha · 11-27-2007, 12:05 AM

profound Jimbo. I never knew you had it in you. I knew you had a lot of other stuff in you...but not that.

Shawnee123 · 11-27-2007, 09:00 AM

A person is in so much pain they kill themselves. Then everyone talks about how selfish it is. Though it may be, I can just see the tortured soul in some beyond place saying "See, I even fucked that up."

I feel very sad when I hear of a suicide. There but for the grace of god go many of us. Same with homelessness or a million other things that lead to such despair. It's heartbreaking.

BigV · 11-27-2007, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spectacle

My landlord took his own life last week.
--snip--
But I have been thinking more than I usually do. What motivates someone to do this? Should I feel more sorrow? I don't think I am a terrible person, but I just might be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

A person is in so much pain they kill themselves. Then everyone talks about how selfish it is. Though it may be, I can just see the tortured soul in some beyond place saying "See, I even fucked that up."

I feel very sad when I hear of a suicide. There but for the grace of god go many of us. Same with homelessness or a million other things that lead to such despair. It's heartbreaking.

I've thought about this, at length, many times. Shawnee123 has named the core reason, in my opinion. When despair overcomes hope, suicide is the result.

Kitsune · 11-27-2007, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LJ

a person wonders what is beyond. he has nothing that keeps him here. he goes.

Seconding Aliantha's comment. This is a keeper.

TheMercenary · 11-27-2007, 03:05 PM

When we lived in military housing it was a three story building built in the late 30's, very sturdy. One family had the first floor, we had the second, they were about 2000 sq feet each. The third floor were old maids quarters. Very tall. Our babysitter lived down stairs, about 16 years old, lovely girl. She jumped off the top and killed herself during a large neighborhood block party. I did CPR on her till the ambulance arrived while all the kids and parents from the neighborhood got to watch her die. She actually died a few hours later. I find suicide to be a very selfish act, you get relief and everyone else you know gets fucked by your act. My kids have had 2 or 3 teens commit suicide while they were in high school. One kid hung himself from a tree in the back yard. Everyone took a hit, the kid, the mother who had to come home from work to find him hanging from the tree, all his close friends, suicide is selfish.

Shawnee123 · 11-27-2007, 03:24 PM

If only these people in inexplicable, unfathomable pain would stop and THINK about what a selfish asshole they are.

Yes, suicide is a horrible, selfish act. It leaves pain in the living far greater than any pain I can imagine. But isn't that just it? Their pain and turmoil is SO great that it doesn't fucking matter who else it hurts?

I hope none of us ever have to go through that kind of pain: the pain of the person who commits suicide OR the pain of those left behind.

But, I'm compassionate and just can't dismiss the selfish assholes as selfish assholes.

Kitsune · 11-27-2007, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

If only these people in inexplicable, unfathomable pain would stop and THINK about what a selfish asshole they are.

I don't think people suffering from the kind of depression that leads to suicide can really do that. It just doesn't work.

When it does, it often gets worse. A good friend of mine got notified about a month ago that his ex-wife, who had been suffering from deep depression for years, committed suicide -- police entered her apartment and found her dead of a self inflicted gunshot wound after she hadn't answered the phone for days. While no one will ever be sure of what she was thinking (she left no note), she seemed to not want her new son to endure the pain of her leaving this world, so she shot him to death just before turning the gun on herself.

Shawnee123 · 11-27-2007, 03:43 PM

I know, I was being sarcastic.

I guess I feel bad when someone who has been through all these things we cannot fathom, then in their death even they get ridiculed and beaten down.

11-26-2007, 07:19 PM	#1
Spectacle Observing the Wine Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 85	Passed Away My landlord took his own life last week. Didn't see that one coming. I started to post here because I enjoy commenting or giving advice to others. But I rarely, seldom disclose personal information. And yet here I am, feeling confused and empty. He was not a friend of mine, just an acquaintance for the years I've lived here. He wasn't very personable, so I never felt the need to be personable with him. I know him as well as you home owners know your mailman. But I have been thinking more than I usually do. What motivates someone to do this? Should I feel more sorrow? I don't think I am a terrible person, but I just might be. __________________ I see.

11-26-2007, 07:29 PM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	you're not terrible mate. If you don't know someone then it's pretty natural not to be too upset by their passing. I can't answer the question as to why people do stuff like that other than to say that lots of us have low points in our lives where we've entertained the idea in our minds. I know I have, but there was something that stopped me from going ahead with it. I think that happens to most people. For some though, there's nothing - in their minds - to stop them. Maybe you can go to the funeral anyway? Or maybe you can just go about your business as per usual. The choice is yours, and your feelings are yours. It's not up to anyone else to tell you how to feel, and there's nothing wrong with you feeling nothing. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-26-2007, 07:32 PM	#3
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	I think it's natural to be upset at the death of anyone you know, and suicide is especially upsetting. Such things make us look at our own lives and the spectre of death. Even if you don't know the person well, I think the stages of grief could apply. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

11-27-2007, 12:05 AM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	profound Jimbo. I never knew you had it in you. I knew you had a lot of other stuff in you...but not that. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-27-2007, 03:05 PM	#12
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	When we lived in military housing it was a three story building built in the late 30's, very sturdy. One family had the first floor, we had the second, they were about 2000 sq feet each. The third floor were old maids quarters. Very tall. Our babysitter lived down stairs, about 16 years old, lovely girl. She jumped off the top and killed herself during a large neighborhood block party. I did CPR on her till the ambulance arrived while all the kids and parents from the neighborhood got to watch her die. She actually died a few hours later. I find suicide to be a very selfish act, you get relief and everyone else you know gets fucked by your act. My kids have had 2 or 3 teens commit suicide while they were in high school. One kid hung himself from a tree in the back yard. Everyone took a hit, the kid, the mother who had to come home from work to find him hanging from the tree, all his close friends, suicide is selfish. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

11-26-2007, 08:05 PM	#4
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Thats really too bad - people who take their own lives mostly leave a wake of problems and grief for those that cared about them. To me, it is the most selfish act of all. Feel bad that he passed? perhaps, but not the way he did it. Just my opinion - worth what you paid for it.

11-26-2007, 10:47 PM	#5
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	A homeless guy jumped off my work building a few years ago and splattered in the alley. It made me sad for a day or so. I didn't even know the guy or see the aftermath. Just heard about it and saw others' reactions. That's more messed up. Getting sad over someone you never saw or knew, wtf was up with that? The real question is, how does this affect you? You have a copy of your lease, right? Any new owner should still be bound by that.

11-27-2007, 12:00 AM	#7
LJ i am myself Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: via blackberry, maybe Posts: 750	a person wonders what is beyond. he has nothing that keeps him here. he goes.

11-27-2007, 09:00 AM	#9
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	A person is in so much pain they kill themselves. Then everyone talks about how selfish it is. Though it may be, I can just see the tortured soul in some beyond place saying "See, I even fucked that up." I feel very sad when I hear of a suicide. There but for the grace of god go many of us. Same with homelessness or a million other things that lead to such despair. It's heartbreaking.

11-27-2007, 03:24 PM	#13
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	If only these people in inexplicable, unfathomable pain would stop and THINK about what a selfish asshole they are. Yes, suicide is a horrible, selfish act. It leaves pain in the living far greater than any pain I can imagine. But isn't that just it? Their pain and turmoil is SO great that it doesn't fucking matter who else it hurts? I hope none of us ever have to go through that kind of pain: the pain of the person who commits suicide OR the pain of those left behind. But, I'm compassionate and just can't dismiss the selfish assholes as selfish assholes.

11-27-2007, 03:43 PM	#15
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I know, I was being sarcastic. I guess I feel bad when someone who has been through all these things we cannot fathom, then in their death even they get ridiculed and beaten down.

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