I want to die - Page 5

Griff · 07-20-2007, 12:12 PM

Good idea. Please take care.

DanaC · 07-20-2007, 12:13 PM

Glad to hear that Deuce.

Shawnee123 · 07-20-2007, 12:15 PM

THank goodness. Please post whenever you need to.

We are here for you.

Uisge Beatha · 07-20-2007, 12:40 PM

Hang in there, Deuce. Get professional assistance and keep talking to us, as you want. You are important to us, and others, I am sure.

yesman065 · 07-20-2007, 12:45 PM

Duece please post so that at least we know you are ok. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If there is anything I can do......

limey · 07-20-2007, 01:27 PM

Deuce, I am so glad you called for help. Please never be afraid to ask for help or take help that's offered. You cannot imagine what an appalling tragedy it would be for your family if you were to kill yourself. Believe me - I do know what I am talking about.
I'm with all the others here - your life has worth, but you cannot see that yourself right now. Please stay with us.

theotherguy · 07-20-2007, 02:19 PM

Thank you Duece.

Sundae · 07-21-2007, 08:34 AM

Well I did it, I've moved - with a lot of help. Dana didn't give any sense of what a lifesaver she was in her post - I felt incapable of moving from my sofa, let alone Leicester until she came into my flat. In fact I tried to persuade her not to help me but for the two of us to sneak off to an all you can eat South Indian buffet instead... but she's made of stronger stuff than me.

Anyway, I will post more in the Cities & Travel thread re my new living arrangements, but just to say I've arrived safely. I am going to try and get registered on Monday at my HM's doctors and try to start getting straightened out.

Thanks again - a million times - to Dana, and to everyone kind enough to offer online support.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-21-2007, 08:44 AM

Ah, the first step.... the tough one. It's all good from here on in. Congratulations. Thanks, Dana.

Undertoad · 07-21-2007, 08:50 AM

Well done Dana, well done SG!

Uisge Beatha · 07-21-2007, 08:54 AM

Hey, Sundae, good to hear from you. I'm glad things are looking better for you, and it's also good to know that modesty is on Dana's long list of virtues.

I hope your new home will be a very happy one. Keep up the good work; you deserve all the benefits that will come from it.

Clodfobble · 07-21-2007, 11:05 AM

Glad to hear from you, Sundae. I hope you'll be around more often now that you've finished your move. And thanks, Dana--the world needs more people who are insistent on helping others in need.

Sundae · 07-28-2007, 06:19 AM

Well I'm getting organised, and happier. My first emotion when I wake up isn't fear, and the knot in my stomach seems to be loosening. It doesn't feel like real life yet, but that's possibly because it doesn't conform to what I have been brought up to see as normal - get up, go to work, earn some money, spend some money, come home.

I am registered with a good, modern practice and my GP has put me back on paroxetine (Seroxat/ Paxil). I go back in 30 days to see how I'm getting on. I'm waiting for the side effects to kick in like they did last time - the loss of appetite would be helpful for a start! I don't know if it has less effect if you've taken it before - that sounds like dodgy science, but I have to think of some reason I'm not twitching like a fool this time...

I seem to be eligible for a number of benefits that will allow me to mend myself before having to find work. I feel slightly sheepish about this, and certainly about admitting it here where I know benefits are considered to be a cop-out unless you are actually physically incapable of work. In my defence I do have a very strong work ethic and have had two or three simultaneous jobs most of my adult life. I have never had any form of support from the system (aside from things that everyone has like education and healthcare) and I genuinely feel if I take this time and get myself properly well I will be able to make a much more effective contribution to society. And yes, I'm justifying it to myself more than you.

Unfortunately I had to get back in contact with my previous workplace to get my final payslip (lost in the move) before I can complete my claim. Despite asking them on Monday and explaining I was penniless until the forms were processed, I have still not received this - which I feel is a little disrespectful when I worked hard for them for over 3 years and bent over backwards to be helpful and accommodating. So the short term money situation is grim - probably another 2 weeks before I get it sorted. Still, there is food in the freezer and cupboard, I have a huge plasma screen tv with satellite channels and the boys and I have a clean, safe home over our heads so I really mustn't sulk - things could be so much worse.

On Monday I go to a clinic to discuss my issues with alcohol. The counselling service I was originally referred to suggested I may be alcohol dependent, so I have to see a medical service before they can take me. Although I've been referred, it's essentially a self-referral clinic and Monday is their drop in day, so it's not like I'm considered a serious problem to the rest of the population. I just figured while I was trying to sort my life out I may as well try to sort it all out.

I feel I've been given a period of grace - it might be the eye of the storm but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts at least. I've been reading, watching tv and taking reasonably long walks. I've been able to unpack all my belongings, arrange my room, keep myself and my clothes and this place clean and contact the various authorities in order to get in order, if you see what I mean. I see all this as very positive. I can only trust that there will be progress, in its own time, and ambition, and a return to normal life.

Uisge Beatha · 07-28-2007, 06:46 AM

More positives - that's great, SG. It sounds like you're being honest with yourself; while that's not always easy it can make all the difference in the world. You keep taking good care of yourself. Good luck with the wankers and that payslip, too.

DucksNuts · 07-28-2007, 07:02 AM

Hey SG - nice to see you heading in the direction thats right for *you*.

Dont give the benefits a second thought, this is you time and you have done more than your fair share to contribute to the time you need to take now.

I am constantly amazed at what lies behind dwellars every day posts and I have to selfishly admit that it makes it a tiny bit easier for me when I have those *moments*. It just helps me remember that everyone has issues in some shape or form and I am not broken when I have them.

Sorry SG, didnt mean to hijack your posts, it just amazes me that someone as kind and giving as you, and someone who can put together the kind of posts you do....some issues that need to be dealt with too.

I hope that doesnt offend you (or anyone) at all, I'm having trouble putting thoughts into words tonite.

07-20-2007, 12:12 PM	#61
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Good idea. Please take care. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

07-20-2007, 12:15 PM	#63
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	THank goodness. Please post whenever you need to. We are here for you. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

07-20-2007, 01:27 PM	#66
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Deuce, I am so glad you called for help. Please never be afraid to ask for help or take help that's offered. You cannot imagine what an appalling tragedy it would be for your family if you were to kill yourself. Believe me - I do know what I am talking about. I'm with all the others here - your life has worth, but you cannot see that yourself right now. Please stay with us. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

07-20-2007, 02:19 PM	#67
theotherguy no not that other guy, the other one Join Date: May 2007 Location: TN Posts: 640	Thank you Duece. __________________ I should be working.

07-21-2007, 08:34 AM	#68
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Well I did it, I've moved - with a lot of help. Dana didn't give any sense of what a lifesaver she was in her post - I felt incapable of moving from my sofa, let alone Leicester until she came into my flat. In fact I tried to persuade her not to help me but for the two of us to sneak off to an all you can eat South Indian buffet instead... but she's made of stronger stuff than me. Anyway, I will post more in the Cities & Travel thread re my new living arrangements, but just to say I've arrived safely. I am going to try and get registered on Monday at my HM's doctors and try to start getting straightened out. Thanks again - a million times - to Dana, and to everyone kind enough to offer online support. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

07-20-2007, 12:13 PM	#62
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Glad to hear that Deuce.

07-20-2007, 12:40 PM	#64
Uisge Beatha Lecturer Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 945	Hang in there, Deuce. Get professional assistance and keep talking to us, as you want. You are important to us, and others, I am sure.

07-20-2007, 12:45 PM	#65
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Duece please post so that at least we know you are ok. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If there is anything I can do......

07-21-2007, 08:44 AM	#69
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Ah, the first step.... the tough one. It's all good from here on in. Congratulations. Thanks, Dana. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-21-2007, 08:50 AM	#70
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Well done Dana, well done SG!

07-21-2007, 08:54 AM	#71
Uisge Beatha Lecturer Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 945	Hey, Sundae, good to hear from you. I'm glad things are looking better for you, and it's also good to know that modesty is on Dana's long list of virtues. I hope your new home will be a very happy one. Keep up the good work; you deserve all the benefits that will come from it.

07-21-2007, 11:05 AM	#72
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Glad to hear from you, Sundae. I hope you'll be around more often now that you've finished your move. And thanks, Dana--the world needs more people who are insistent on helping others in need.

07-28-2007, 06:19 AM	#73
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Well I'm getting organised, and happier. My first emotion when I wake up isn't fear, and the knot in my stomach seems to be loosening. It doesn't feel like real life yet, but that's possibly because it doesn't conform to what I have been brought up to see as normal - get up, go to work, earn some money, spend some money, come home. I am registered with a good, modern practice and my GP has put me back on paroxetine (Seroxat/ Paxil). I go back in 30 days to see how I'm getting on. I'm waiting for the side effects to kick in like they did last time - the loss of appetite would be helpful for a start! I don't know if it has less effect if you've taken it before - that sounds like dodgy science, but I have to think of some reason I'm not twitching like a fool this time... I seem to be eligible for a number of benefits that will allow me to mend myself before having to find work. I feel slightly sheepish about this, and certainly about admitting it here where I know benefits are considered to be a cop-out unless you are actually physically incapable of work. In my defence I do have a very strong work ethic and have had two or three simultaneous jobs most of my adult life. I have never had any form of support from the system (aside from things that everyone has like education and healthcare) and I genuinely feel if I take this time and get myself properly well I will be able to make a much more effective contribution to society. And yes, I'm justifying it to myself more than you. Unfortunately I had to get back in contact with my previous workplace to get my final payslip (lost in the move) before I can complete my claim. Despite asking them on Monday and explaining I was penniless until the forms were processed, I have still not received this - which I feel is a little disrespectful when I worked hard for them for over 3 years and bent over backwards to be helpful and accommodating. So the short term money situation is grim - probably another 2 weeks before I get it sorted. Still, there is food in the freezer and cupboard, I have a huge plasma screen tv with satellite channels and the boys and I have a clean, safe home over our heads so I really mustn't sulk - things could be so much worse. On Monday I go to a clinic to discuss my issues with alcohol. The counselling service I was originally referred to suggested I may be alcohol dependent, so I have to see a medical service before they can take me. Although I've been referred, it's essentially a self-referral clinic and Monday is their drop in day, so it's not like I'm considered a serious problem to the rest of the population. I just figured while I was trying to sort my life out I may as well try to sort it all out. I feel I've been given a period of grace - it might be the eye of the storm but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts at least. I've been reading, watching tv and taking reasonably long walks. I've been able to unpack all my belongings, arrange my room, keep myself and my clothes and this place clean and contact the various authorities in order to get in order, if you see what I mean. I see all this as very positive. I can only trust that there will be progress, in its own time, and ambition, and a return to normal life. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

07-28-2007, 06:46 AM	#74
Uisge Beatha Lecturer Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 945	More positives - that's great, SG. It sounds like you're being honest with yourself; while that's not always easy it can make all the difference in the world. You keep taking good care of yourself. Good luck with the wankers and that payslip, too.

07-28-2007, 07:02 AM	#75
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Hey SG - nice to see you heading in the direction thats right for you. Dont give the benefits a second thought, this is you time and you have done more than your fair share to contribute to the time you need to take now. I am constantly amazed at what lies behind dwellars every day posts and I have to selfishly admit that it makes it a tiny bit easier for me when I have those moments. It just helps me remember that everyone has issues in some shape or form and I am not broken when I have them. Sorry SG, didnt mean to hijack your posts, it just amazes me that someone as kind and giving as you, and someone who can put together the kind of posts you do....some issues that need to be dealt with too. I hope that doesnt offend you (or anyone) at all, I'm having trouble putting thoughts into words tonite.

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