Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 318

toranokaze · 08-19-2013, 01:22 AM

NO OTHER EXPLANATION

Sundae · 08-19-2013, 06:13 AM

Of all my fears, the murderer behind the shower curtain has never signified.

Unless he appears in the bathroom mirror.
See Shaun of the Dead for that specially-aimed-at-me slice of shock.

Nirvana · 08-21-2013, 10:34 PM

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.

The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?

These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."

Lamplighter · 08-22-2013, 08:28 AM

footfootfoot · 08-22-2013, 04:57 PM

A favorite of mine

Clodfobble · 08-26-2013, 01:58 PM

Quote:

The first nun has a stroke.

This is my new replacement for, "The nun fainted."

BigV · 08-26-2013, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

This is my new replacement for, "The nun fainted."

You want some more material to choose from? Nun tops this list.

limegreenc · 08-26-2013, 10:17 PM

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

Q: What can a husband do when his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If he's handy with tools, he can finish the basement. Then when he's finished, he'll have a place to live.

lumberjim · 08-27-2013, 06:10 AM

The difference between oral sex and anal sex? ( I know that this is a repost, but for the new guy...)

Oral sex will make your day, anal sex will make your hole weak

Gravdigr · 08-28-2013, 09:26 AM

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Gravdigr · 08-29-2013, 03:35 PM

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Nirvana · 08-31-2013, 10:03 PM

*

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infinite monkey · 08-31-2013, 11:12 PM

Oh HALE no! That is so funny!

Gravdigr · 09-02-2013, 03:06 PM

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This one is kinda like a Far Side strip.

Gravdigr · 09-05-2013, 03:15 PM

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08-19-2013, 01:22 AM	#1
toranokaze I'm still a jerk Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Little Mexico Posts: 1,817	NO OTHER EXPLANATION __________________ "Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering.

08-19-2013, 06:13 AM	#2
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Of all my fears, the murderer behind the shower curtain has never signified. Unless he appears in the bathroom mirror. See Shaun of the Dead for that specially-aimed-at-me slice of shock. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

08-21-2013, 10:34 PM	#3
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly. The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK? These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142." __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

08-22-2013, 04:57 PM	#5
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	A favorite of mine __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

08-27-2013, 06:10 AM	#9
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	The difference between oral sex and anal sex? ( I know that this is a repost, but for the new guy...) Oral sex will make your day, anal sex will make your hole weak __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

08-22-2013, 08:28 AM	#4
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402

08-26-2013, 10:17 PM	#8
limegreenc shed door curio Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 406	I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling. Q: What can a husband do when his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If he's handy with tools, he can finish the basement. Then when he's finished, he'll have a place to live.

08-28-2013, 09:26 AM	#10
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

08-29-2013, 03:35 PM	#11
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

08-31-2013, 10:03 PM	#12
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	* __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

08-31-2013, 11:12 PM	#13
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Oh HALE no! That is so funny!

09-02-2013, 03:06 PM	#14
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	This one is kinda like a Far Side strip. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

09-05-2013, 03:15 PM	#15
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

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