Oldest son reaching out - Page 3

DanaC · 01-03-2010, 03:10 PM

You're doin your best hon. That's as good as it gets.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-03-2010, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaydaan

We are hoping that because he *has* hit rock bottom, he will never want to be there again.

And hopefully realizes the people he thought were cool, and had found a better way, aren't and didn't. Then there's no temptation to seek out the same sort of friends.

Sounds to me like you've got just the right (and unusual) balance of smart and compassionate.

Madman · 01-04-2010, 02:53 PM

I really hope it works out for you and your son Jaydaan. It really sucks when you have a kid that disappears and refuses to communicate with you.

I agree... compassion and brains have you.

Jaydaan · 02-20-2010, 11:54 AM

Well, so far so good. He is healthy, eating, and gaining a bit of weight. He is helping out around the house and has not had any temper issues or drug re-lapses so far. Now to get him working so he can pay room and board, and have some spending money for himself.
He is liking my best freind's boyfreind, so they are hanging out together a few hours a week. (they are close to his age, my best freind is 16 years younger than me) The boyfreind is a hard worker with a steady job he has had for 4 years, and has good freinds and influences around him. It was a great thing when they started becoming freinds.
hopefully things will just get better as time goes on.

Clodfobble · 02-20-2010, 12:52 PM

That's great, Jaydaan! Keep up the good work.

Cloud · 02-20-2010, 03:08 PM

progress, not perfection. yay!

xoxoxoBruce · 02-20-2010, 08:47 PM

Good point, Cloud. Even if future bumps in the road happen, Jaydaan can now be pretty sure they are bumps and not failure.

skysidhe · 02-20-2010, 10:43 PM

I am happy for you all Jaydaan.

Jaydaan · 02-21-2010, 01:01 PM

Not perfection... but no serious issues either. That might change once he meets more people, so far he only knows people we know and/or work with, and a few freinds of my best freind's boyfreind. We made sure the first few months he was out and about with us lots. We took him to our hotel xmas party in Jan, he was able to meet several people his own age there. He has gone to a few parties with us, again with mixed ages and hung out with some his own age there too. For the most part he is a quiet person who mostly likes to be alone. When he does socialize he has picked good people to do it with. Once his care card comes in, and he can then go get picture id, he will be able to go out even more. Right now he cannot go into any pub/bar/club etc. He has been invited to a wine festival, our weekly pool league and a UFC pay-per-view that he has had to decline because of no id. That is also stopping him from getting a job in any place that serves alcohol..... so he can't even get a job as a food runner in a pub without id. Quite frustrating.

limey · 02-21-2010, 02:34 PM

Keeping my fingers crossed for you all!

classicman · 02-21-2010, 07:14 PM

Sounds like things are on the right track. Wonderful to hear.

Jaydaan · 12-17-2010, 10:13 PM

So, its been almost a year, 2 weeks off of a year, actually. How are we doing? well... He is healthy, he has gained a bit of weight, still skinny. He is moody, and does the SIIIGGHHHHSSSS when we ask him too many questions. He spend most of his time in his room. He smokes pot, but does not do hard drugs, in fact has told a freind of his if the freind did E again, he would not hang out with him anymore. He have only had on slip up with "borrowing" money from me, and that was early on.
BUT! he sometimes joins us for socializing, meals and helping out ever so slightly with chores. He is working, part time as a dishwasher, but he works hard when he is there. When I walk through work's kitchen I am told on a regular basis how good a worker he is. He wants to progress to a cook. This is a great thing!

I am looking forward to Christmas, it will be our first Christmas morning together in 7 years. Hubby is looking forward to him moving out... lol more so because of the lack of privacy, than anything else.

Was it a good thing... yes!

monster · 12-17-2010, 10:47 PM

Great to hear, J. I'm happy for you

xoxoxoBruce · 12-17-2010, 11:56 PM

You went into this "last chance" with your eyes wide open, and without unrealistic expectations. You've maintained your determination he follow your rules, and the ability to see changes casual observers might miss.
Madam, you done fucking wonderful!

limey · 12-18-2010, 12:52 AM

What xob said!

02-20-2010, 12:52 PM	#35
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	That's great, Jaydaan! Keep up the good work. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

02-20-2010, 03:08 PM	#36
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	progress, not perfection. yay! __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

02-20-2010, 08:47 PM	#37
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Good point, Cloud. Even if future bumps in the road happen, Jaydaan can now be pretty sure they are bumps and not failure. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 02-20-2010 at 10:49 PM. Reason: Damn, it is spelled right.

02-21-2010, 02:34 PM	#40
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Keeping my fingers crossed for you all! __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

02-21-2010, 07:14 PM	#41
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Sounds like things are on the right track. Wonderful to hear. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

01-04-2010, 02:53 PM	#33
Madman has left the building. Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 455	I really hope it works out for you and your son Jaydaan. It really sucks when you have a kid that disappears and refuses to communicate with you. I agree... compassion and brains have you.

02-20-2010, 11:54 AM	#34
Jaydaan Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Vernon, BC, Canada Posts: 378	Well, so far so good. He is healthy, eating, and gaining a bit of weight. He is helping out around the house and has not had any temper issues or drug re-lapses so far. Now to get him working so he can pay room and board, and have some spending money for himself. He is liking my best freind's boyfreind, so they are hanging out together a few hours a week. (they are close to his age, my best freind is 16 years younger than me) The boyfreind is a hard worker with a steady job he has had for 4 years, and has good freinds and influences around him. It was a great thing when they started becoming freinds. hopefully things will just get better as time goes on.

02-20-2010, 10:43 PM	#38
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	I am happy for you all Jaydaan.

02-21-2010, 01:01 PM	#39
Jaydaan Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Vernon, BC, Canada Posts: 378	Not perfection... but no serious issues either. That might change once he meets more people, so far he only knows people we know and/or work with, and a few freinds of my best freind's boyfreind. We made sure the first few months he was out and about with us lots. We took him to our hotel xmas party in Jan, he was able to meet several people his own age there. He has gone to a few parties with us, again with mixed ages and hung out with some his own age there too. For the most part he is a quiet person who mostly likes to be alone. When he does socialize he has picked good people to do it with. Once his care card comes in, and he can then go get picture id, he will be able to go out even more. Right now he cannot go into any pub/bar/club etc. He has been invited to a wine festival, our weekly pool league and a UFC pay-per-view that he has had to decline because of no id. That is also stopping him from getting a job in any place that serves alcohol..... so he can't even get a job as a food runner in a pub without id. Quite frustrating.

12-17-2010, 10:13 PM	#42
Jaydaan Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Vernon, BC, Canada Posts: 378	So, its been almost a year, 2 weeks off of a year, actually. How are we doing? well... He is healthy, he has gained a bit of weight, still skinny. He is moody, and does the SIIIGGHHHHSSSS when we ask him too many questions. He spend most of his time in his room. He smokes pot, but does not do hard drugs, in fact has told a freind of his if the freind did E again, he would not hang out with him anymore. He have only had on slip up with "borrowing" money from me, and that was early on. BUT! he sometimes joins us for socializing, meals and helping out ever so slightly with chores. He is working, part time as a dishwasher, but he works hard when he is there. When I walk through work's kitchen I am told on a regular basis how good a worker he is. He wants to progress to a cook. This is a great thing! I am looking forward to Christmas, it will be our first Christmas morning together in 7 years. Hubby is looking forward to him moving out... lol more so because of the lack of privacy, than anything else. Was it a good thing... yes!

12-17-2010, 10:47 PM	#43
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Great to hear, J. I'm happy for you __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-17-2010, 11:56 PM	#44
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You went into this "last chance" with your eyes wide open, and without unrealistic expectations. You've maintained your determination he follow your rules, and the ability to see changes casual observers might miss. Madam, you done fucking wonderful! __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-18-2010, 12:52 AM	#45
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	What xob said! __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

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