Tree Jumpers in Da Hood

[DanaC]

Minor point: careful not to over-emphasise the caution needed around men. There are cases of children being lured in by women.

[sexobon]

If you think having a registered sex offender in your neighborhood is bad, you should see what happens when they enter the healthcare system. They aren't refused admittance to hospitals or nursing homes where it's considerably more difficult to avoid them.

[Gravdigr]

Remember Mr. McFeely from 'Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood'?

Even as a kid, he gave me the creeps. And so did his name, to the point I still use it the way I did in the previous post.

[monster]

tree jumpers?

[footfootfoot]

Monster FTW.

[Gravdigr]

Agreed.

[BigV]

Hey footfootfoot

It seems obvious that you're concerned for the safety of your kids. I reckon you have concern for all children ("what should we do", "fertilizer", etc.). Like you, I'll forgo discussing the second, wider question and instead focus on the first question, the safety of your children.

If I were in your situation, just thinking out loud here.....

I have been informed about this man's presence and this label associated with him, and some of his background. I'd talk to him directly. I wouldn't be hostile, but I'd be definite about what I'd been told about him. I'd ask him what his plans are, how he plans to stay safe, etc. I'd tell him I have a couple young kids and that I worry about their safety. I'd make clear to him that I don't want to worry about their safety with regard to him.

As I type this, I realize it sounds very menacing, though that's not my intent. I intend to protect myself and my family by making this man aware of my awareness of him. I would want him to know that I'm alert to his presence and that my kids are alert to his presence; ffs, he's been outed/publicly stigmatized. I would hope to lead him to the conclusion that messing with my children is not worth the trouble. That I know about him and that I'm fine with live and let live, but stay away from my family. Period.

Yep. That still sounds menacing and maybe that's a problem. But I think about all the other kinds of warnings that we're exposed to and what ones are most effective. I think those with a personal touch have the greatest effect. Just what I'm hoping for here, great effect. I'm not suggesting any kind of threat, only to make clear that I and my family are not an easy, unsuspecting target.

...

From the other end of the problem, namely my kids, I'd tell them what's happening too. How to express this serious issue in an age appropriate way (you might have to have your thesaurus handy when you talk to the mm), and in a non-scarring, non-scaring way... those are critical considerations that I can't give specific advice about since I'm not there to read the kids, or the situation. I'd be specific about this fellow, including his picture. Generally speaking, I'd talk about the kinds of things they should look out for. There are the cliches like luring with candy or lost puppies, etc and they're valid, if cliched. Also talk about secrets and how not to have them. Where and what kind of touching is improper (covered by your bathing suit--never proper, for example). Who to avoid being alone with and who it's ok to be alone with (duh, you, mom, etc. a blanket rule isn't gonna work here). Also grooming, which you and I know about, but can be difficult to impossible to convey to a kid.

Those are just the ones that come to mind in this post. There are lots of resources out there to look at and learn from. If this is an area that you'd like more conversation about, say so, and I'll offer more. My point is to tell your kids about what's going on so they're not unsuspecting, oblivious, easy, ignorant victims. How you do that without going too far... that's up to your artfulness as a parent. Frequent, regular check-ins with them helps keep you aware, or at least the chance to be aware about what's going on with them. Help them defend themselves with knowledge and preparation for action.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Visit him long enough to take his picture and leave.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by BigV

I would hope to lead him to the conclusion that messing with my children is not worth the trouble. That I know about him and that I'm fine with live and let live, but stay away from my family. Period.

To do this, foot would have to show the abuser a photo of his particular kids, so he'd know which ones to stay away from. Not a good idea to bring them to the forefront of the abuser's mind, in my opinion. I do support showing the kids a picture of him, if you can get one, but around here photos are not included in the public record. Maybe driving past his house so they know for sure where to stay away from. But frankly, the whole "personal threat" thing usually backfires, in my experience. Abusers often abuse women and children for the sense of power that comes with it. If a big scary man threatens the abuser, it just exacerbates his inferiority and makes him more likely to commit another act of abuse sooner rather than later.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

To do this, foot would have to show the abuser a photo of his particular kids, so he'd know which ones to stay away from. Not a good idea to bring them to the forefront of the abuser's mind, in my opinion. I do support showing the kids a picture of him, if you can get one, but around here photos are not included in the public record. Maybe driving past his house so they know for sure where to stay away from. But frankly, the whole "personal threat" thing usually backfires, in my experience. Abusers often abuse women and children for the sense of power that comes with it. If a big scary man threatens the abuser, it just exacerbates his inferiority and makes him more likely to commit another act of abuse sooner rather than later.

As I said, I was just thinking out loud, I didn't intend to give the impression I had a completely worked out plan.

However, I don't agree with your first statement anyhow. He can stay away from footfootfoot's children by staying away from all children without knowing which ones are his. That's the most desirable result of all, and it's certainly possible.

I did try to make clear that there's no "personal threat" involved--I repeatedly said that I want this fellow to know that he's a known person and a known quantity to me, that I and my family are alert to him and his past offenses, that every other target is less undesirable than mine. Don't know which is mine? Not my problem, not a problem at all. I'm not giving him any kind of permission to prey on anyone, only to say that me and mine are not easy, unsuspecting prey.

Your last point about the motivations of abusers, etc. Well. I can imagine your logic might fit for some kinds of abuse, namely spousal abuse for example, where power is at play. But it doesn't seem as good a fit for the motivation of sexual abuse of children. Physical abuse? Yeah, I could see that. Babies get shaken all the time by frustrated men who can't "control" the crying of the baby, etc. Like I said, I have scant details about the situation in his neighborhood. But to take the opposite tack, lie low, don't draw attention, don't make him mad or feel inferior... That doesn't sound like a good safety plan. There is no security through obscurity. Inciting him to commit further sexual abuse of children because I "made him feel more inferior" doesn't sound logical, BUT THEN, the whole fucked up situation inside the head of child abusers isn't logical to me either, so wtf.

One is tempted to say there is no defense against such assaults, but that's not true. There ARE ways to reduce the risk, and all of them involve awareness, mostly on the part of the parents, and of the children. I've had training that talked about how to help reduce the risks to the children. It is not hopeless, children are not helpless.

• doing nothing distinguishes me and mine not at all from the rest of the population
• you've suggested that my ideas about speaking up may well put my children at greater risk because I've made him feel even more inferior by my breast-beating; that he'd abuse sooner (though upon rereading, you didn't say abuse **my** kids sooner, just "sooner")
• this doesn't follow for me, I've never gotten the sense that abusers abuse (sexual abuse, not physical abuse) out of revenge.

[footfootfoot]

Can't really address this now, but will try to later.

[lumberjim]

I'm reading a book called 'the passage' right now. It's about vampires, but the story explains how they came to be. It's set in the near future, and what happens is that the government stumbles upon a virus that cures all known diseases, but also turns it's victims into glow in the dark vampires.

The project that follows the discovery is a super secret, off the books scientific trial, in which they infect death row inmates with varying strains of the virus and try to fine tune it to get the right mix of... Didn't die from the virus and useful to the army super soldiers....

For whatever reason, the caretakers they hire / abduct to watch over and feed the test subjects are all castrated pedophiles.

Inevitably, the vampires escape containment and the virus is unleashed. And so the story goes on like that.... I'm at a point just after this happens. But the people take to calling the monsters 'Jumpers' because they travel in the tree tops and jump on their victims when they attack.

So, 'Tree Jumpers' kind of ties in. Have you read this book, foot? Cuz I can't figure out why else you refer to those types this way.

[footfootfoot]

That's prison slang for any sexual offenders. i.e. they jump out from behind a tree...

In my early days at the cellar there was a user called 404error or something who used to be a prison guard, he used that term and there was a discussion about it.


Here it is:http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=7...ht=tree+jumper

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

But the people take to calling the monsters 'Jumpers' because they travel in the tree tops and jump on their victims when they attack.

So, 'Tree Jumpers' kind of ties in. Have you read this book, foot? Cuz I can't figure out why else you refer to those types this way.

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

That's prison slang for any sexual offenders. i.e. they jump out from behind a tree...

In my early days at the cellar there was a user called 404error or something who used to be a prison guard, he used that term and there was a discussion about it.


Here it is:http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=7...ht=tree+jumper

Thank God. I'd about warped my fragile little mind. I kept hearing 'tree jumper' in my head, and could only work out a cross between a drop bear and a molester.

[Sundae]

We say nonce over here.
Can't tell you if there's a different term inside, but that's what the Police use in unguarded moments.