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Parenting Bringing up the shorties so they aren't completely messed up

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Old 03-08-2014, 01:18 PM   #16
sexobon
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If you think having a registered sex offender in your neighborhood is bad, you should see what happens when they enter the healthcare system. They aren't refused admittance to hospitals or nursing homes where it's considerably more difficult to avoid them.
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Old 03-08-2014, 03:15 PM   #17
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Feet, I noticed you said your kids' walk to school is in the opposite direction of the kiddyfiddler.

Just how close does Mr McFeely live to the school? There are restrictions regarding how close sex offenders (of any type, I think) can live to places where there will be children.

See what your local laws are regarding this.
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Old 03-08-2014, 03:18 PM   #18
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Remember Mr. McFeely from 'Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood'?

Even as a kid, he gave me the creeps. And so did his name, to the point I still use it the way I did in the previous post.
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Old 03-08-2014, 06:03 PM   #19
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tree jumpers?
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Old 03-09-2014, 09:00 AM   #20
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Monster FTW.
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Old 03-10-2014, 03:48 PM   #21
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Agreed.
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Old 03-10-2014, 05:31 PM   #22
BigV
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Hey footfootfoot

It seems obvious that you're concerned for the safety of your kids. I reckon you have concern for all children ("what should we do", "fertilizer", etc.). Like you, I'll forgo discussing the second, wider question and instead focus on the first question, the safety of your children.

If I were in your situation, just thinking out loud here.....

I have been informed about this man's presence and this label associated with him, and some of his background. I'd talk to him directly. I wouldn't be hostile, but I'd be definite about what I'd been told about him. I'd ask him what his plans are, how he plans to stay safe, etc. I'd tell him I have a couple young kids and that I worry about their safety. I'd make clear to him that I don't want to worry about their safety with regard to him.

As I type this, I realize it sounds very menacing, though that's not my intent. I intend to protect myself and my family by making this man aware of my awareness of him. I would want him to know that I'm alert to his presence and that my kids are alert to his presence; ffs, he's been outed/publicly stigmatized. I would hope to lead him to the conclusion that messing with my children is not worth the trouble. That I know about him and that I'm fine with live and let live, but stay away from my family. Period.

Yep. That still sounds menacing and maybe that's a problem. But I think about all the other kinds of warnings that we're exposed to and what ones are most effective. I think those with a personal touch have the greatest effect. Just what I'm hoping for here, great effect. I'm not suggesting any kind of threat, only to make clear that I and my family are not an easy, unsuspecting target.

...

From the other end of the problem, namely my kids, I'd tell them what's happening too. How to express this serious issue in an age appropriate way (you might have to have your thesaurus handy when you talk to the mm), and in a non-scarring, non-scaring way... those are critical considerations that I can't give specific advice about since I'm not there to read the kids, or the situation. I'd be specific about this fellow, including his picture. Generally speaking, I'd talk about the kinds of things they should look out for. There are the cliches like luring with candy or lost puppies, etc and they're valid, if cliched. Also talk about secrets and how not to have them. Where and what kind of touching is improper (covered by your bathing suit--never proper, for example). Who to avoid being alone with and who it's ok to be alone with (duh, you, mom, etc. a blanket rule isn't gonna work here). Also grooming, which you and I know about, but can be difficult to impossible to convey to a kid.

Those are just the ones that come to mind in this post. There are lots of resources out there to look at and learn from. If this is an area that you'd like more conversation about, say so, and I'll offer more. My point is to tell your kids about what's going on so they're not unsuspecting, oblivious, easy, ignorant victims. How you do that without going too far... that's up to your artfulness as a parent. Frequent, regular check-ins with them helps keep you aware, or at least the chance to be aware about what's going on with them. Help them defend themselves with knowledge and preparation for action.
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Old 03-10-2014, 07:58 PM   #23
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Visit him long enough to take his picture and leave.
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Old 03-10-2014, 08:04 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigV View Post
I would hope to lead him to the conclusion that messing with my children is not worth the trouble. That I know about him and that I'm fine with live and let live, but stay away from my family. Period.
To do this, foot would have to show the abuser a photo of his particular kids, so he'd know which ones to stay away from. Not a good idea to bring them to the forefront of the abuser's mind, in my opinion. I do support showing the kids a picture of him, if you can get one, but around here photos are not included in the public record. Maybe driving past his house so they know for sure where to stay away from. But frankly, the whole "personal threat" thing usually backfires, in my experience. Abusers often abuse women and children for the sense of power that comes with it. If a big scary man threatens the abuser, it just exacerbates his inferiority and makes him more likely to commit another act of abuse sooner rather than later.
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Old 03-11-2014, 09:30 AM   #25
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Can't really address this now, but will try to later.
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Old 03-11-2014, 09:54 AM   #26
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I'm reading a book called 'the passage' right now. It's about vampires, but the story explains how they came to be. It's set in the near future, and what happens is that the government stumbles upon a virus that cures all known diseases, but also turns it's victims into glow in the dark vampires.

The project that follows the discovery is a super secret, off the books scientific trial, in which they infect death row inmates with varying strains of the virus and try to fine tune it to get the right mix of... Didn't die from the virus and useful to the army super soldiers....

For whatever reason, the caretakers they hire / abduct to watch over and feed the test subjects are all castrated pedophiles.

Inevitably, the vampires escape containment and the virus is unleashed. And so the story goes on like that.... I'm at a point just after this happens. But the people take to calling the monsters 'Jumpers' because they travel in the tree tops and jump on their victims when they attack.

So, 'Tree Jumpers' kind of ties in. Have you read this book, foot? Cuz I can't figure out why else you refer to those types this way.
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Old 03-11-2014, 11:05 AM   #27
footfootfoot
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That's prison slang for any sexual offenders. i.e. they jump out from behind a tree...

In my early days at the cellar there was a user called 404error or something who used to be a prison guard, he used that term and there was a discussion about it.


Here it is:http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=7...ht=tree+jumper
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Last edited by footfootfoot; 03-11-2014 at 11:13 AM.
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:17 PM   #28
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We say nonce over here.
Can't tell you if there's a different term inside, but that's what the Police use in unguarded moments.
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Old 03-11-2014, 01:35 PM   #29
footfootfoot
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I thought nonce meant a short span of time.
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Old 03-11-2014, 01:39 PM   #30
DanaC
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Well, it means for the time being (for the nonce). But it's only used like that within that phrase.

Mostly, if you hear someone use the word nonce it means sex offender.



[eta] according to wikipedia:

Quote:
Nonce may refer to:

*Cryptographic nonce a number or bit string used only once, in security engineering
*Nonce (slang), a British and Australian slang term for a sex offender, usually a sexual abuser of children
*Nonce, time being: the present occasion; "for the nonce"
*Nonce word, a word used to meet a need that is not expected to recur
*The Nonce, American rap duo
*Nonce orders, an architectural term
That made me giggle. I doubt they have much of a British following, or at least not one that would wear the name on t-shirts :P
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