Halloween Humor

[classicman]

...........................

[ZenGum]

That's, uh, like, racist? [giggle]

[Clodfobble]

You're so ignorant. Blonde isn't a race, it's a religion.

[skysidhe]

Stranger At The Window

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up.

After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly.

The passenger screamed, "Look at he window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window.

The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror.

A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again.

The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now."

All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.

"There he is again," the passenger yelled.

He rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked.

The passenger threw a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!"

They were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping.

"Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?"

The old man gently replied, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"


http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/page...halloween.html

[Lamplighter]

Very good !

[infinite monkey]

HAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA! Funny. I'm using that one this weekend.

[Nirvana]

*

[Nirvana]

Pumpkin Dalek

[monster]

now I need to go out and buy another pumpkin..... a tall one.....

[footfootfoot]

Recycled from an earlier post:

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knocks the mini Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window, leans out and shouts, "GET THE FUCK OFF OUR CAR!"

[monster]

Bob the landlord finally had to have his old, old dog Shep put to sleep. They'd been together for eighteen years, through Bob's marriage, the births of his children, his divorce..... Shep was a fixture at the Rose and Crown, slurping from his own bowl of Guinness and sharing pork crackling with the regulars. Bob knew they'd miss him too, so he asked the vet if he could keep Shep's tail to display in the pub as a memento of their mate.

Three days after Shep's death. Bob was wiping down the counters after the bar had closed, when Shep came racing through the door. Literally. one minute he seemed all solid and the next wispy and then all solid again......

Shep, is that you? or have I just been working too hard?
Yes it's me, but I am a ghost. I've come back because I can't get into doggie heaven
Whyever not, lad? -you were the best companion a man could ever had, loyal to the last and you must've saved my life -or at least my sanity a few times....Is there anything I can do to vouch for you? I'll do anything I can to help.
I need my tail back. You can't be in doggie heaven without a tail!
Oh I'm sorry, lad, I just can't do that. You know I can't retail spirits after closing....



Thanks, I'll be here all month, try the spotted dick...

[BigV]

which just proves that the detail's in the devil. or something like that.

[footfootfoot]

It seems there was a man whose last name was Strange...

[classicman]

Ima?

[Sundae]

Depends how you are at carving, Monster?
I've said before that I think you are meticulous.
I can imagine a great Dalek simply carved into a pumpkin skin for someone with a steady hand and patience.

Same as any carving - drawing, pricked out as a template than carved.

Sounds easy!
Well, okay - not to me...
I'm an appreciator rather than an artist.

Things being what they are this year I'm probably not even going to have one
Oh, I lie - payday is Halloween!!!
Get the rents to pick on up in the morning for me (may even be discounted by then!)
No time for fancy Dalek pumpskins by then though.

Maybe next year.

I am decorating with things from last year.
Mum has bought the choc.
I think Dads is sorting out the razor blades in apples.