Humor...I Need Humor...

Clodfobble · 03-03-2017, 11:31 AM

You will never look at Patrick Stewart the same way...

xoxoxoBruce · 03-04-2017, 07:40 PM

Epitaphs of Key West Cemetery

"I told you I was sick"

"I'm just resting my eyes"

“good citizen”

“devoted fan of Julio Iglesias”

"the best flan maker"

"If you're reading this, you desperately need a hobby"

"I'll always remember my so-called friends"

"I always dreamed of owning a small place in Key West"

"Jesus Christ, These People Are Horrible"

“Sloppy”

Statue of naked women with her hands tied behind her back

Gravdigr · 03-06-2017, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

You will never look at Patrick Stewart the same way...

I always thought of the man as reasonably intelligent, but, if you don't know whether you're circumcised...

Hilarious, though.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-11-2017, 06:55 PM

A bumper sticker for LJ...

xoxoxoBruce · 03-12-2017, 05:46 PM

Monster knows, but doesn't share it with the kids.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-13-2017, 11:27 PM

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.

“What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor.
“Not a chance” she replied. “He won’t even take an aspirin”.

“Not a problem,” said the doctor. “Give him an Irish Viagra.”
“What on Earth is Irish Viagra?” she asked.

“It’s Viagra dissolved in his morning cup of coffee. He won’t even taste it. Let me know how it goes,” he said.

She called the doctor the very next afternoon. “How did it go?” he asked.
“Oh faith, bejaysus and begorrah, doctor, it was terrible. Just horrid, I tell ya! I’m beside meself!”

“Oh, no! What in the world happened?”
“Well, I did the deed, Doctor, just as you advised. I put the Viagra in his morning coffee, and he drank it. Well, you know, it took effect almost immediately, and he jumped straight up out of his chair with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye, and his pants a-bulging. Then, with one fierce swoop of his arm, he sent the cups, saucers, and everything else that was on the table flying across the room, ripped me clothes to tatters and passionately took me then and there, right on top of the table. T’was a nightmare, I tell ya, an absolute nightmare!”

“Why so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Wasn’t the sex good?”
“Freakin’ Jaysus it was the best sex I’ve had in me last 25 years, but sure as I’m sittin here, doctor, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”

03-03-2017, 11:31 AM	#1
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	You will never look at Patrick Stewart the same way... __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

03-04-2017, 07:40 PM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Epitaphs of Key West Cemetery "I told you I was sick" "I'm just resting my eyes" “good citizen” “devoted fan of Julio Iglesias” "the best flan maker" "If you're reading this, you desperately need a hobby" "I'll always remember my so-called friends" "I always dreamed of owning a small place in Key West" "Jesus Christ, These People Are Horrible" “Sloppy” Statue of naked women with her hands tied behind her back __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-11-2017, 06:55 PM	#4
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	A bumper sticker for LJ... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-12-2017, 05:46 PM	#5
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Monster knows, but doesn't share it with the kids. Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-13-2017, 11:27 PM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido. “What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor. “Not a chance” she replied. “He won’t even take an aspirin”. “Not a problem,” said the doctor. “Give him an Irish Viagra.” “What on Earth is Irish Viagra?” she asked. “It’s Viagra dissolved in his morning cup of coffee. He won’t even taste it. Let me know how it goes,” he said. She called the doctor the very next afternoon. “How did it go?” he asked. “Oh faith, bejaysus and begorrah, doctor, it was terrible. Just horrid, I tell ya! I’m beside meself!” “Oh, no! What in the world happened?” “Well, I did the deed, Doctor, just as you advised. I put the Viagra in his morning coffee, and he drank it. Well, you know, it took effect almost immediately, and he jumped straight up out of his chair with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye, and his pants a-bulging. Then, with one fierce swoop of his arm, he sent the cups, saucers, and everything else that was on the table flying across the room, ripped me clothes to tatters and passionately took me then and there, right on top of the table. T’was a nightmare, I tell ya, an absolute nightmare!” “Why so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Wasn’t the sex good?” “Freakin’ Jaysus it was the best sex I’ve had in me last 25 years, but sure as I’m sittin here, doctor, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!” __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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