Sundae

[classicman]

I think a floral arrangement or plant and whatever is left going to her mum is a great idea. She is going through a very difficult time right now and (most likely) will be dealing with the passing of her husband in the very near future as well. Thats the best "charity" we could possibly donate to. In that, I'm with Bruce.
Limey, please let me know where to send my contribution.

[monster]

Originally Posted by limey

We brits are notoriously embarrassed about receiving financial gifts

This.

From what I understand about Sundae's mom from her posts, she was generally very traditional and did worry about "what people would think". I worry that a cash donation to her directly would cause awkwardness for her, no matter how much it would undoubtedly help and how well-intended

[infinite monkey]

Originally Posted by monster

This.

From what I understand about Sundae's mom from her posts, she was generally very traditional and did worry about "what people would think". I worry that a cash donation to her directly would cause awkwardness for her, no matter how much it would undoubtedly help and how well-intended

How is this only obvious to limey and monster? This is the deal, folks, whether it jibes with our sensibilities or not. We have to be together on this.

[xoxoxoBruce]

If Mum doesn't tell her peers, I won't. If it bothers her, then she can chose a charity and pass it on.

[lumberjim]

With respect to funeral expenses... In the UK, is it like it is here? Would she have had some type of insurance in place to cover the expense of the burial? Is she to be buried or cremated?

Wanting to give her mom money is maybe an action that would make us feel better. We're powerless to attempt to console her family because of the distance. Yet we need to do something. Do we need it for her, or for ourselves?

In my estimation, the cellar was Cherrys best friend. Collectively. But for Carruthers, limey and Dana, we are all to remote to attend the funeral, to hug her mum, to cry tears over her grave. It's frustrating. But that's our problem.

Is it possible for one of you that have spoken to her mum to ask what she would allow us to do? I know it's a lot of pressure to represent this community. And I appreciate whatever guidance you can offer.

This sucks so bad

[fargon]

I'm in.

[monster]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

If Mum doesn't tell her peers, I won't. If it bothers her, then she can chose a charity and pass it on.

that's just not how it works ... That would be rude and ungrateful, even if the giftor didn't know about it. Limey, Carruthers, Dana and other Brits right there right now will know best, but.... this stuff is instilled from birth. That would be a terrible burden, not a terrible relief. I can't explain better than that, I'm sorry. The only way you might ever get away with helping with funeral costs is to make an anonymous donation directly to to funeral director and have them discretely apply it to the bill. But that's a lot to ask someone to do on behalf of a collective. It's just an entirely different culture.

[monster]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

With respect to funeral expenses... In the UK, is it like it is here? Would she have had some type of insurance in place to cover the expense of the burial? Is she to be buried or cremated?

prepaid/insurance highly unlikely. Too young and no income

It's not as expensive, but I see costs have been rising exponentially recently.

Most are cremated these days, unless religious reasons prevent. There is no space for burial

[monster]

OK I finally had an idea

Sundae liked parks and feeding the birds etc. Her mom might be OK with us buying a bench in a public park with a dedication plaque if it was possible. Or in a city center

[elSicomoro]

^^^I'm down with this. I'm also down with sending money directly to Limey or one of the other Brits to do what they believe is best in this situation.

[xoxoxoBruce]

that's just not how it works

They are indoctrinated with their customs. That's why we threw the tea in the goddamn harbor, and do things our way.

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by monster

OK I finally had an idea

Sundae liked parks and feeding the birds etc. Her mom might be OK with us buying a bench in a public park with a dedication plaque if it was possible. Or in a city center

There was a shaded arch of trees she posted pictures of a couple times. Like a path exiting a garden.... I can see it in my mind, but have no idea where to begin searching for those pics.

[Spexxvet]

I'm devastated. She was the perfect woman

[bbro]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

They are indoctrinated with their customs. That's why we threw the tea in the goddamn harbor, and do things our way.

This isn't about us and making us feel better. It's about making her family feel better. If that means we don't give money, as has been stated multiple times as being unwelcome in the British culture, then we don't.

Why force the issue? Do you really want to make her mum feel even worse?

[limey]

Let's not squabble over the details when our intentions are all of one accord, and for the best.
I am sure that the gesture of "taking up a collection" in Sundae's memory would be very positively received. We could send a plant with a message of condolence from the Cellar, and that would also be very well received. We could certainly convey to Sundae's mum that Dwellars would be very happy for any "leftover" funds to be used to cover funeral costs, but also give her the option to donate to a charity of her choosing if that is what she prefers.
As to a memorial bench - I think you are thinking of the park in Otley, LJ. Although she loved the park, Otley was not a particularly happy place for Sundae. Also, there can be a lot of red tape around getting permission to put new benches in such places.
Sundae's mum is grappling with red tape in Leeds and won't get home until tomorrow. We'll let you know what's decided about the time and place of the funeral - that would be a good deadline for donations.
I'm happy to collect donations, if everyone else is happy with that. Paypal payments as a "between friends" transaction so that there are no costs. I'd be grateful if you could put "Sundae's memorial" in the description so that if the taxman takes an interest I can show him that it's not a commercial transaction. PM me for my email address - discretion as to your participation is assured.