Why are you cool?

[hot_pastrami]

People are constantly asking me what makes me so damn cool. I usually reply by doing that about-to-shake-your-hand-but-fake-you-out-at-the-last-second-by-fixing-my-hair bit. Oh yeah. I'm so cool that it hurts. No, really... it does. Ouch.

Well, I guess I can come up with a few reasons:

• I'm married to a babe.
• I appeared briefly in the movie Footloose.
• I've owned some fine high-powered automobiles, most recently a supercharged 2000 Camaro SS (sniff).
• I create computer graphics for a living (though this is a recent change from programming).
• I CAN believe it's not butter.
• I had one of my photos published on the front page of a metropolitan newspaper, above the fold, about 8x10.
• I can burp louder than jinx. WAY louder than Lumberjim.
• I can drink an enormous amount of alcohol without being affected (ask me about the only time I ever got drunk).
• ...and many other reasons I am not at liberty to disclose.

See? Did I tell you or did I tell you?