George Will has left the building

[infinite monkey]

Demetri Martin, who is so funny...almost foot-level funny. I want to marry him. Demetri, not foot.

“Are you the Spirit, sir, whose coming was foretold to me?” asked Scrooge.

“I am,” replied the ghost.

“By what name shall I call you?”

“I am the Ghost of Christmas Future Perfect.”

Scrooge stared at the ghost.

“I’m sorry. Did you say the ‘Ghost of Christmas Future’?”

“No, Ebenezer, I said that I am the ‘Ghost of Christmas Future Perfect’,” replied the Spirit, in a most ominous tone.

Now, Scrooge, bring a man of considerable education, knew immediately that this apparition was of a less-common conjugation, one which employed helping verbs of some sort; still, he could not remember the tense’s rudiments.

Scrooge thought for a moment. “To offer me, Spirit, some glimpse of what is to come?”

The ghost hovered for a moment, and peered at Ebenezer. “No. That is incorrect. I am here, Ebenezer Scrooge, to show you what shall have happened to you on a Christmas that will have passed at some point in the future.”

“Ah, yes, of course. Right,” replied Scrooge.

The Spirit continued. “You shall see after certain future things have happened, what will have become of you after that.”

Damn,” said the ghost quietly to himself. “I could swear I had my notes with me.”

“Oh, Spirit, tell me that I shall not have been horrified by what I might discover that I shall have been doing when-“

“Just cool it for a sec, all right? I can’t find my notes and this is a very complicated declension I have to deal with here. So, just give me a sec. All right?”

The ghost shook his bright, glowing head in frustration and then howled, “I can’t find my notes. They’re not here. To try and wing this would be a huge mistake. I mean, we could end up in the Conditional or Present Progressive, and that would be a total disaster.” He paused, composed himself, and then said in a chilling tone, “I shall have been back by the time you’ve seen your future.”

Full text here

[footfootfoot]

[quote=infinite monkey;963420]Demetri Martin, who is so funny...almost foot-level funny. I want to marry him. Demetri, not foot.




Don't lie, you totally want to marry me and have, like 1,000 of my babies.

[infinite monkey]

[quote=footfootfoot;963461]

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

Demetri Martin, who is so funny...almost foot-level funny. I want to marry him. Demetri, not foot.




Don't lie, you totally want to marry me and have, like 1,000 of my babies.

Angela Hayes: You total slut, you have a crush on him. You're defending him, you love him, you wanna have, like, ten thousand of his babies.