WCWC Thursday 4/22/04 how not to die

I died while going door to door, trying to drum up votes for Radar as president. I was carrying a brief case weighed down with the novels of Ayn Rand and Libertarian fliers. I had just used the briefcase to knock down a homeless person on crutches who had been standing in my way when I tried to cross the street. In the resulting commotion, I didn't realize that I had stepped directly in the path of George Bush's limo which was careening down the road as part of a parade to get Republican votes for George's sixth term as president (Bush had managed to change the laws regarding the number of terms a president can serve in office). My lifeless body was then trampled by a marching band made up of neo-conservatives who were playing the melody to "Afternoon Delight."