Dad jokes

[Lamplighter]

More peas !

[xoxoxoBruce]

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?
He just took it in stride.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...
You can hide but you can't run.

I've deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.
Now it's Hans free.

Lone Ranger sees Tonto riding with a dustbin, "Where are you going Tonto?"
"to-the-dump-to-the dump-to-the-dump-dump dump..."

This bouncy castle's twice the price of last year
That's inflation for you!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief?
He had loco motives

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.