Happiness is a Choice

[sexobon]

Perhaps happiness is a choice to not be too choosy. If your not choosy at all you'll be happy with anything.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by sexobon

Perhaps happiness is a choice to not be too choosy. If your not choosy at all you'll be happy with anything.

That is actually a really good point.

To say that happiness is a choice does not mean that it is always a choice, or that one's ability to choose to be happy is always available. But it also, I think, misconstrues happiness. It isn't so much that we choose to be happy - so much as choosing a kind of acceptance - possibly even contentment and enough self-awareness to know what will allow that. I think one of the most important things to learn in life is to not to be concerned with where you sit on the scale - not to be concerned about the things others have that you do not (setting aside absolute poverty obviously - difficult not to envy that guy's cupboard full of food if you skip-diving to feed the kids) - whether that is a wonderful spouse, children, wealth, better looks, nicer clothes a more fulfilling career etc.

Depression is a whole other beast. There are still choices to be made about state of mind - live with any form of depression for long enough and there will be times that you can feel its progression clearly enough to respond - but not always and for some people that's a rarity. And those choices are not ones of happiness versus unhappiness - they're about the coping strategies and tricks we learn, through experience or counselling, that can help us ride the storm.

But choosing to be happy? Take depression out of the equation and I think there is a large degree of choice involved. It may involve choosing to change direction because the life being lived is causing unhappiness - but it may also involve reframing that life, or understanding of what happiness means, to be able to be content.

Part of that is about managing our expectations. People say they want to be 'happy' and our culture emphasises personal happiness as an end goal. Our entertainment hammers it home constantly. So many of us are cynical about Hollywood happy endings - and yet, if we do not personally achieve the kind of happiness they sell, then we somehow absorb that as our own failure.

But what gets taught to us as 'happiness', from our childhoods and onward is really joy. A fleeting moment which cannot last.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Back in the day, I recall the common response to "Hey, how are you doing", or "How goes it", would usually be, "Fair to middlin'" or "Can't complain".
The attitude was not looking for happiness or joy, but aware that shit happens and quite satisfied with nothing out of the ordinary to bitch about.

Although not pleasant, potholes were expected, but blowouts sucked.