Putting Out the Lights

glatt · 01-23-2015, 08:27 AM

Hi Sandy! Welcome back. I'm glad the Cellar is still here for you. I remember your name, but don't really remember much about you.

It looks like just being able to post about what you are thinking and feeling is of some help to you. If you find yourself having trouble connecting with people in real life, why not try to connect with people online? There are communities like the Cellar where you can do things like share your experiences on a trip to Burma (I can't bring myself to call it Myanmar) and get interaction with people that way. Suicide seems like such a permanent and drastic solution to the problem. Don't you have any curiosity about what's going to happen next? What more you can do and experience in the world? It seems to me that if you are willing to do something so drastic, that you could do something less drastic just for the experience. After all, there is always the suicide option later.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-23-2015, 01:35 PM

Sandy, round sunburned face with freckles and a killer smile, as I recall. Hi!
A lot of us had parents with notions of child rearing that haven’t proven to give the most desirable results… and some were really fucked up. The same goes for family, schools, employers, and the people in general, but like it or not they shape who we become. Since we can’t change the past, the best we can do is decide what we’re working with and what we want the future to be. Should we change ourselves, or our perception of ourselves, or work with what we feel we have?

You seem to be firmly convinced of who and what you are, and you’re the reason friends don’t come easy or last long. Is that because your idea of what a friendship should entail, how it should work, is out of step with other people? I’m guessing Trish was offended by Derek and feels you betrayed her by forgiving him. She wouldn’t feel betrayed by your husband because she didn’t consider him a friend.

At 53 you’ve been through the mill long enough to see a pattern you don’t like, but feel you-am-who-you-am-and-that’s-all-that-you-am.
Avoiding lame jokes about living upside down in Australia, the $64 question is can you figure out an acceptable future? Can you write a script of a life where you, with all your perceived pluses/minuses, can control your environment enough to avoid conflict and aggravation.

It’s a tall order and shit happens, but by trying to avoid situations you feel won’t turn out well, if shit happens you know you tried, so fuck it, their problem not yours. If you have a craving for a Doris Day/Donna Reed lifestyle, that’s going to be a problem unless you change yourself… a lot. But if you can be reasonably happy on the farm with your husband and minimum outside people, you’ve got a shot at it.

Hope your trip is as good as you've dreamed it would be, and let us know how you’re making out, because we’re family and we care, goddamn it, that's why!

sandypossum · 01-23-2015, 08:40 PM

Thank you so much: Sundae, Glatt, Bruce and Infinite Monkey. Like others before me in this thread, I dreaded finding that no one would respond, but you have all been what I have needed. No "count your blessings and STFU" stuff. I don't have anyone here in the real world who has been able to say anything like this, other than my therapist, who is a real find. And you are all Cellarites that I remember, so even nicer.

I find it hard to think or write clearly these days. My therapist says it is typical when in deep depression. And I cannot multi-task even slightly. My life is a mess in more ways than one. But how the house looks is not really something I worry about.

I felt so sad when I read about Brianna. I remember seeing her in threads, but didn't know how she ended. How did you find out? When did it happen? I would have thought most cellarites would just disappear and you wouldn't know what happened to them. I did see that there was an APB thread for missing cellarites.

Right now I can't think clearly enough to reply to any of your messages properly, but I wanted to give a big, warm, tearful thank you (I am crying now after reading your posts) to all of you for that support, and I will be back to update you.

monster · 01-23-2015, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandypossum

And I cannot multi-task even slightly. .

This.

It's like suddenly finding you can't breathe.

I have nothing useful to add, sorry, but please don't turn off the lights. There are others using your light to see their way, even if you don't know them and they don't know you. Just by posting here, you added a lumen or two in someone's pathway.

01-23-2015, 01:35 PM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Sandy, round sunburned face with freckles and a killer smile, as I recall. Hi! A lot of us had parents with notions of child rearing that haven’t proven to give the most desirable results… and some were really fucked up. The same goes for family, schools, employers, and the people in general, but like it or not they shape who we become. Since we can’t change the past, the best we can do is decide what we’re working with and what we want the future to be. Should we change ourselves, or our perception of ourselves, or work with what we feel we have? You seem to be firmly convinced of who and what you are, and you’re the reason friends don’t come easy or last long. Is that because your idea of what a friendship should entail, how it should work, is out of step with other people? I’m guessing Trish was offended by Derek and feels you betrayed her by forgiving him. She wouldn’t feel betrayed by your husband because she didn’t consider him a friend. At 53 you’ve been through the mill long enough to see a pattern you don’t like, but feel you-am-who-you-am-and-that’s-all-that-you-am. Avoiding lame jokes about living upside down in Australia, the $64 question is can you figure out an acceptable future? Can you write a script of a life where you, with all your perceived pluses/minuses, can control your environment enough to avoid conflict and aggravation. It’s a tall order and shit happens, but by trying to avoid situations you feel won’t turn out well, if shit happens you know you tried, so fuck it, their problem not yours. If you have a craving for a Doris Day/Donna Reed lifestyle, that’s going to be a problem unless you change yourself… a lot. But if you can be reasonably happy on the farm with your husband and minimum outside people, you’ve got a shot at it. Hope your trip is as good as you've dreamed it would be, and let us know how you’re making out, because we’re family and we care, goddamn it, that's why! __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-23-2015, 08:40 PM	#3
sandypossum tri-continental dag hag Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 247	Thank you so much: Sundae, Glatt, Bruce and Infinite Monkey. Like others before me in this thread, I dreaded finding that no one would respond, but you have all been what I have needed. No "count your blessings and STFU" stuff. I don't have anyone here in the real world who has been able to say anything like this, other than my therapist, who is a real find. And you are all Cellarites that I remember, so even nicer. I find it hard to think or write clearly these days. My therapist says it is typical when in deep depression. And I cannot multi-task even slightly. My life is a mess in more ways than one. But how the house looks is not really something I worry about. I felt so sad when I read about Brianna. I remember seeing her in threads, but didn't know how she ended. How did you find out? When did it happen? I would have thought most cellarites would just disappear and you wouldn't know what happened to them. I did see that there was an APB thread for missing cellarites. Right now I can't think clearly enough to reply to any of your messages properly, but I wanted to give a big, warm, tearful thank you (I am crying now after reading your posts) to all of you for that support, and I will be back to update you. __________________ you're never too old to have a happy childhood

01-23-2015, 08:27 AM	#1
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Hi Sandy! Welcome back. I'm glad the Cellar is still here for you. I remember your name, but don't really remember much about you. It looks like just being able to post about what you are thinking and feeling is of some help to you. If you find yourself having trouble connecting with people in real life, why not try to connect with people online? There are communities like the Cellar where you can do things like share your experiences on a trip to Burma (I can't bring myself to call it Myanmar) and get interaction with people that way. Suicide seems like such a permanent and drastic solution to the problem. Don't you have any curiosity about what's going to happen next? What more you can do and experience in the world? It seems to me that if you are willing to do something so drastic, that you could do something less drastic just for the experience. After all, there is always the suicide option later.

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