Opinions wanted

[Big Sarge]

Sheldon - I am pwd, but I think you should reach out to the old bastard to allow him to attempt to atone for his sins. I should know, because I left my family and played army despite their needs and wishes. I am truly sorry for being so selfish

[Sheldonrs]

My father left in the middle of the night after moving us
To a trailer park, taking the last $40.00 from my mothers' purse.
I don't think I'll lose any sleep by not contacting him. :-)

[Aliantha]

Something i thought of too. Maybe there are siblings who want to know you? Just be careful though. They may just be in it for the kidneys.

[Sheldonrs]

Even more reason to not see him. I have enough problems with the siblings I have now. LOL

[glatt]

So you made up your mind, but the opinions keep coming. People in the Cellar are not shy about speaking their mind, especially when you ask them to.

I want to make a joke about how you're getting lots of opinions, and opinions are like assholes, and you're gay, and how that must be a great thing for you that you're getting so many opinions, but I'm not sure how to pull it off. So I'll just make this awkward post instead.

[nowhereman]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

... Just be careful though. They may just be in it for the kidneys.

With some fava beans and a nice chianti? (Oh wait, that's liver). From your posts, it seems that you are a caring person with a good life. That in itself is the best revenge, as they say.

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by glatt

So you made up your mind, but the opinions keep coming. People in the Cellar are not shy about speaking their mind, especially when you ask them to.

I want to make a joke about how you're getting lots of opinions, and opinions are like assholes, and you're gay, and how that must be a great thing for you that you're getting so many opinions, but I'm not sure how to pull it off. So I'll just make this awkward post instead.

I like seeing the other opinions regardless of my decision.
Let me know if you need help pulling it off. ;-)

[Big Sarge]

do some of us need to load up and go pay him a visit as in I don't have money but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

as a matter of public disclosure, i must state i do not condone any form of violence nor do i own any weapons, sharp objects, or blunt objects. i am a practicing Buddhist

[Aliantha]

I have knives and spatulas. Some are sharp.

[Big Sarge]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I have knives and spatulas. Some are sharp.

shhhhhhh. the nsa is everywhere

[Gravdigr]

I'd prefer a four foot length of wet, half-inch, grass rope.

Doesn't do as much damage as a sharp spatula, but makes your point.

[Cyclefrance]

Hi Sheldon. I don't think we have been introduced. - maybe we have when I used to be an active member of this community back in 2005 and 2006. I have only just returned after a long absence.

Given the above, I hope you won't mind me adding to the observations already expressed by pothers with regards to your predicament. It struck me that the way he generated contact with you, through a letter from a third party to your sisters in which you are mentioned, indicates to me that he is well aware of the reception he is likely to get and so is approaching the desire he has to make contact as un-encroaching as possible. That's one way I think he may view what he is doing, forgetting another consequence of adopting this method.

You say you have made your decision to ignore the request . I don't think he will be surprised at this. Something his approach suggests. Who knows why he has made the decision to do this. Maybe he is ill, likely to die, or maybe he has witnessed or had an experience to realise what a terrible thing he did to you, your mother and your sisters.

Something has made him reach out, and when someone does that, in my case, I would find it hard to ignore, even in a situation similar to yours. Most of the responses here go along with the idea of responding, not ignoring, and I tend to go along with that, but I would use the opportunity to let your father know the scars he left behind and how visible to you they are even today, that your first reaction was to ignore his letter, and that assuming he must realise the situation he created, at least to give you the reason why he has tried to make this contact now. His answer, if there is one, will, or should confirm for you if your first intention to ignore him is the right answer or not.

At the moment the method he has used and the absence of this information is just screwing up your emotions and both you and your sisters deserve better than this. He clearly doesn't realise this other effect and if nothing else you should be entitled to put him straight on this point, without feeling that you are in some way giving him something he doesn't deserve by responding rather than ignoring.

[limey]

Hey, Cyclefrance! Great post. Welcome back! [/thread drift]


Sent by thought transference

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

It struck me that the way he generated contact with you, through a letter from a third party to your sisters in which you are mentioned, indicates to me that he is well aware of the reception he is likely to get and so is approaching the desire he has to make contact as un-encroaching as possible. That's one way I think he may view what he is doing, forgetting another consequence of adopting this method.

I think it's entirely possible that the guy doesn't even know that a letter was sent on his behalf. How many men say, "Sure honey, you reach out to my estranged family for me, that sounds like a good idea." And I bet Mary chose to contact the sisters first because she knows women are more likely to be receptive to that sort of thing. It's always the women who are the fence-menders between the stubbornly feuding men.

But if that's the case, ignoring the olive branch isn't going to do much harm, since it's not like the guy poured his own heart into some lengthy personal apology. At best, he's just willing to meet if they are. He's obviously not being eaten alive by guilt.

[sexobon]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

... And I bet Mary chose to contact the sisters first because she knows women are more likely to be receptive to that sort of thing. It's always the women who are the fence-menders between the stubbornly feuding men. ...

Maybe Mary is a beautiful woman, who is almost 21, initiating a meaningful relationship with his father where the desired goal is children. So many things may be racing through her mind. Should she be concerned that he had prior relationships with now estranged daughters and an estranged son? She seems very supportive of said relationships.

Did you ever consider that, huh huh, did you, huh? Smarty-pants.