Probable Fruitless Gyration

[Troubleshooter]

Originally posted by Elspode

It is finding the time to do a *good* job that will be challenging.

Something that I think that might surprise you is that if you formalized what you know you might find that you know more than you know. *blink*blink* I think I have that right...

Anyhow, my point is that you have a lot to teach him yourself, and as long as you follow a curriculum you can be sure that he isn't deficient in any of his academic needs and don't have to worry about having to give him class time for nonsense courses like basketweaving or tolerance.

[ladysycamore]

You know, I have a whole new appreciation for the neighborhood that I lived in and grew up in, and that despite the fact that I was overweight, I didn't get bothered because of it. I'll tell you why I think that was the case.

The atomsphere that I grew up in, and many of my friends grew up in, was like this:

Parent: "Don't let me hear about you hitting or bullying anyone, or else I'll teach you what a REAL beatdown is like!!"

End of story in most cases. Sure, that might not "fly" in today's coddle-your-child society, but hell, it got the job done. Very little bullying. Basically, the law of the land was this: if you bullied someone, your ass was grass...period. Most of the time, it was merely a threat, but oh how it kept people in line, trust me! And if anyone *was* bullied, then the whole school would hear about it, and the bully was pretty much persona non grata.

Is it just me, or was there more bullying done in the 90s when everyone bowed at the temple of Dr. Spock and the whole "Time out" thing? I swear, I saw and heard of more children out of control during that time period. They talked back to authority, had no respect for parents, threatened others..no wonder these kids now are practically allowed to run the asylum, as it were. And then, they are not properly punished when they do stupid things like bullying other classmates. I also say that they lack proper "home training" too.

Time out may work for SOME kids, but some of these brats need more than that, IMO.

Sorry for the mini rant, but good luck with your situation Els. Sheesh, on top of everything else you have to deal with....*shakes head*.

[warch]

Excellent letter and work Els.
Asking for the IEP was a terrific idea. If there is hope or any muscle to change or find a path through this shitty school, it's that. It flexes the law. Its on the record. Good job.

Adults in the school taking this seriously can make a difference. I think calling out Columbine was a good move. Sending this to everyone was excellent. You should send a version to the local newspaper. Contact a reporter. This is serious shit. No authority, no matter how complacent and stupid wants to be the recipient of a "they told you so, here...it is documented", from a dead kid's parent. Student moderates that may side with baddies for their own self-preservation can be shown and supported by adults in a positive option, reducing the overall culture of evilness there. It can turn around.

Homeschooling- I glad you feel you could take it on if need be, and you have good resources- but you do loose the band, the social activities that are positives. And it sounds like there are other kids at this MS that would benefit from this evil being addressed.

C is lucky to have strong, attentive parents. Good job and all the best with this fight.

[xoxoxoBruce]

He is, however, a full head taller than most of the kids who screw with him, and he outweighs them by 50 pounds, so it is kind of too bad that this isn't 50 years ago, when you *could* settle things by kicking someone's ass and thereby earning, if not their respect, their avoidance.

Refusing to be a victim still works. It only takes once or twice and the others get the picture. You can wax eloquently, till the cows come home, about cause and effect of social decay, but the fact ramains that bullies only understand strength.

[hot_pastrami]

It's shitty that the school administrators turn such a blind eye to these sorts of things that a letter like this one is needed to bring any helpful attention to the matter.

When I was in middle school, I was A) one of the youngest in my grade level, B) height-impaired, C) a bit chunky, and D) intelligent. Consequently, I was picked on. I became unhappy, my grades suffered... yada yada yada. It sucked. Teachers were aware of the problems, but did nothing. Very Lord of the Flies-ish.

For the most part, I flat-out ignored the verbal attacks, and disengaged myself before they became physical confrontations. I just stuck with my friends, and kept my head down. But I could not completely avoid the nasty little shit-eaters, and things slowly escalated.

It all came down to two confrontations at school. One kid in particular antagonized me endlessly, and one day in gym class, when the teacher was away, he started shouting nastiness at me as the class sat on the bleachers, waiting for the class bell to ring. Everyone watched in amusement, and the kid got in my face so closely I could feel his hot breath. But I kept looking him dead in the eye wordlessly. He shouted "I'll bet you want to hit me, don't you? Go ahead... hit me!" I punched that fucker right in the nose with everything I had. His eyes got real big, and he fell down and got entangled in the bleachers, probably more out of surprise than force. The bell rang, and I skeedaddled along with the class.

The next day, as I was walking between classes, two kids jumped me outside and held my arms. Then the kid I'd punched the previous day appeared, obviously relishing this. To the kids holding my arms, I suggested that since they didn't even know me, helping to beat me up probably wasn't worth the shit they would catch for it. This tactic was suprprisingly effective, and the two kids made like trees. The original kid, obviously lacking the balls to face me alone again, ungloriously retreated, and never bothered me again. I was never really seriously bothered again after that.

The point? Sometimes fighting back does solve problems. But then again, sometimes it makes things worse. I was lucky.

Maybe a good approach would be to arrange a specific go-to person at the school for your son... a teacher or administrator who is aware of his situation, who can keep tabs on who is causing him trouble, and who can make special arrangements when needed. This person could call the parents of the worst troublemakers when problems occur. It would be an adult ally. If he goes to a random member of faculty after every incident, each person only gets a fraction of the big picture.

Just a thought. It's something I would have liked to have had back then. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
Refusing to be a victim still works. It only takes once or twice and the others get the picture. You can wax eloquently, till the cows come home, about cause and effect of social decay, but the fact ramains that bullies only understand strength.

Which is why I mentioned the ass-beatdowns.


"A hard head makes for a soft behind."

[Griff]

You've done the right thing putting everyone on notice. Now make sure you follow up and get a meeting with his teachers, guidance counselor, and principal. Get them all around a table and take the attitude of a Dad looking to solve a problem. Only get confrontational if its obvious they are not playing ball.

Is the school broken up into learning communities? If so, it should be no trouble to get all the teachers on board, since they'd see your son throughout the day. How big is the school? Can the punks really disappear into the crowd? Remember your child is not for people to run their little social experiments on. If the school is a dangerous place that isn't working you need to get him out of there. Consider that the school is the phoney social construct, home-schooling is the more natural situation. Schools are great places when they work, when they don't they're just prisons.

[wolf]

You might want to consider "alerting the media."

Should make an interesting series of articles, and may put the school district more in the mood of doing something about what is more likely a system-wide problem.

[Elspode]

We've saved the "alerting the media" part for the next step, dependant on the administrations' actions. Right now, they're falling all over themselves to get things straightened out. They have basically (and instantly) acquiesced to everything we've asked so far and are going to meet with us on Tuesday to get the kid back in school.

So far, nothing but cooperation, concern and promises to set things straight. I won't sic the media on them as long as this attitude continues to be predominant.

The only negatives so far are three responses from teachers which, while praising our boy on high, claim no knowledge whatsoever of his ongoing difficulties. I suppose I could chalk this up to him not wanting to whine, but since he has told me he has made reports to these teachers, I think I chalk it up more to a "I'd rather not get involved" attitude on their parts.

[Elspode]

Oh, and Griff...exactly what you suggested vis a vis the meeting thing is now scheduled, in writing.

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by Elspode
The only negatives so far are three responses from teachers which, while praising our boy on high, claim no knowledge whatsoever of his ongoing difficulties. I suppose I could chalk this up to him not wanting to whine, but since he has told me he has made reports to these teachers, I think I chalk it up more to a "I'd rather not get involved" attitude on their parts.

I know there isn't anything you can do about that, but IMO, their attitude is the problem. They don't want to get involved (or, take some part of the blame), and therefore, kids continue to get bullied and picked on while they just want to turn their heads.

Shameful...

[lumberjim]

have you considered putting c*** into martail arts training? It would probably help him with his confidence, weight, and agility.....the philosophy portions would also help him to avoid conflict, too.


just a thought.

[Elspode]

Actually, last night I took him to his first Civil Air Patrol meeting. He has expressed an interest in joining the military after school, and since we would rather he not have to stop bullets with his body, we are steering him toward an Air Force career. The CAP can give a pretty good leg up on such a career, including scholarships, or, if college isn't in his future, then mustering out of CAP and into the USAF at a higher rank than normal volunteers or conscripts (yeah, I fear there's a draft in his future...better to plan to avoid that, I think).

CAP has a ton of cool activities, as well as physical training and testing achievement goals, aerospace education, opportunities to take flights, S&R exercises. Hell, if I were less busy, *I'd* join as a senior member.

While he won't learn combat techniques, he will learn teamwork, leadership, poise, self-assertion, confidence and lots of other stuff that the future occupants of State and Federal prisons who are now taunting him won't learn.

[wolf]

Be aware that he'll also learn things like searching for downed planes, plane parts, and body parts in the woods. A friend of mine was in the CAP. There's occasionally some gooey stuff involved.

[Troubleshooter]

There's also the Navy. They do all of the air stuff in addition to naval stuff.

Always forward deployed but seldom a target.