What is pissing you off this time?

orthodoc · 11-11-2013, 12:11 AM

I can't do this anymore. I can't tolerate a narcissistic abusive mother who loses no opportunity to play games and inflict pain on her adult children.

Who, when she's in hospital with a fracture, has the presence of mind to verbally pin one daughter to the wall in order to get information she wants, and then pretends to a second daughter (me) that she knows nothing and is just wondering about ... the exact situation. So that she can see whether I will lie or tell the truth.

I opted for the third choice, i.e. not to discuss the topic at all. But knowing that she bullied my younger sister into admitting things that were NONE of her business, and then called me up to see if she could catch me in a lie ... I am furious.

This is bumming my stone, scorching my groove, and pissing me off hugely tonight. I have to go to bed and get enough rest to be able to safely drive 5 hours south tomorrow, and at the moment I can't imagine getting to sleep.

After a lifetime of abuse I am triggered by almost any interaction with her. Honestly, by any and every interaction with her, because she's so oblivious in her narcissism that she never lets up. There's always a flick of the lash or a beating with a 2x4.

Right now, she's been on a search and destroy mission to know whether any of us were going to celebrate my father's 80th birthday with him. They've been divorced 20+ years, after 33 years of her abusing him and all of us kids (physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally). She has no right to know anything about him, but she's managed, through her lawyer, to find his address and send him malicious letters that salted certain wounds from the past. Now she's threatening to make legal trouble over his stay with us.

I cannot do this anymore. I always said I'd stay in touch no matter how obnoxious or toxic she was, and ensure that she wasn't in need - because she's my mother. I've stayed in touch directly, even when it was detrimental to me and my family. I've continued contact after she threatened legal action to assert her 'grandparental rights' to partial custody of my daughter (when we lived in Ontario. A family law attorney told me that she could indeed win partial custody there; and even if we moved back to the US, if she were determined, she could have a sheriff pick up our daughter and remove her back to Canada as the court dictated).

I think it's time I closed this chapter. I can't do this anymore.

Griff · 11-11-2013, 06:33 AM

Yay parents! We can only try not to repeat these performances for our children.

Gravdigr · 11-19-2013, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Griff

We can only try not to repeat these performances for our children.

...or let our parents perform an encore on our children.

This is THE reason the Gravdigr has no children.

orthodoc · 11-19-2013, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

...or let our parents perform an encore on our children.

This ... the reason I no longer live within easy visiting distance of my mother.

Lamplighter · 11-19-2013, 07:50 PM

Quote:

This ... the reason I no longer live within easy visiting distance of my mother.

My wife and I were fortunate that both sets of parents were good people
who welcomed the new DIL or SIL into the family.

But she and I have been in agreement for years that the best thing for our marriage
was living 1000+ miles away from them all the way thru til our kids were grown, and gone !

We highly recommend such an arrangement, regardless of in-law personalities.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-19-2013, 08:45 PM

I've found 300 miles is sufficient for the east coast, being the travel tends to be slower than the great wide open. 300 miles is close enough to get there if necessary, but way too far to drop in on a Sunday drive.

My best time is 3hrs 57 minutes.

11-11-2013, 12:11 AM	#1
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	End of the line I can't do this anymore. I can't tolerate a narcissistic abusive mother who loses no opportunity to play games and inflict pain on her adult children. Who, when she's in hospital with a fracture, has the presence of mind to verbally pin one daughter to the wall in order to get information she wants, and then pretends to a second daughter (me) that she knows nothing and is just wondering about ... the exact situation. So that she can see whether I will lie or tell the truth. I opted for the third choice, i.e. not to discuss the topic at all. But knowing that she bullied my younger sister into admitting things that were NONE of her business, and then called me up to see if she could catch me in a lie ... I am furious. This is bumming my stone, scorching my groove, and pissing me off hugely tonight. I have to go to bed and get enough rest to be able to safely drive 5 hours south tomorrow, and at the moment I can't imagine getting to sleep. After a lifetime of abuse I am triggered by almost any interaction with her. Honestly, by any and every interaction with her, because she's so oblivious in her narcissism that she never lets up. There's always a flick of the lash or a beating with a 2x4. Right now, she's been on a search and destroy mission to know whether any of us were going to celebrate my father's 80th birthday with him. They've been divorced 20+ years, after 33 years of her abusing him and all of us kids (physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally). She has no right to know anything about him, but she's managed, through her lawyer, to find his address and send him malicious letters that salted certain wounds from the past. Now she's threatening to make legal trouble over his stay with us. I cannot do this anymore. I always said I'd stay in touch no matter how obnoxious or toxic she was, and ensure that she wasn't in need - because she's my mother. I've stayed in touch directly, even when it was detrimental to me and my family. I've continued contact after she threatened legal action to assert her 'grandparental rights' to partial custody of my daughter (when we lived in Ontario. A family law attorney told me that she could indeed win partial custody there; and even if we moved back to the US, if she were determined, she could have a sheriff pick up our daughter and remove her back to Canada as the court dictated). I think it's time I closed this chapter. I can't do this anymore. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

11-11-2013, 06:33 AM	#2
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Yay parents! We can only try not to repeat these performances for our children. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

11-19-2013, 08:45 PM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I've found 300 miles is sufficient for the east coast, being the travel tends to be slower than the great wide open. 300 miles is close enough to get there if necessary, but way too far to drop in on a Sunday drive. My best time is 3hrs 57 minutes. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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