Another new euphemism

limey · 10-11-2013, 04:15 PM

I was musing aloud the other day that alcohol free beer should have another name. If'n you weren't expecting it to taste like beer some brands would actually taste OK. And the name has to be appealing, so that the designated driver enjoys placing their order for a drink. A friend, listening to me, piped up "You mean like A Big Dick?". Exactly.
Who doesn't want to stride into a bar and confidently say "mine's a Big Dick!"?
It works for all genders, all situations. Try ordering a Big Dick in this thread tonight and you'll see what I mean!

Sent by thought transference

jimhelm · 10-11-2013, 07:40 PM

So, you're going with Big Dick?

We don't even get to come up with names?

What if you want a double? I'd like a double big dick?

limegreenc · 10-11-2013, 08:24 PM

no...you want an African big dick

jimhelm · 10-11-2013, 08:33 PM

No I don't!

Near Beer is no good? Failed Ale maybe? Sassparilla? O'Doules? Malk?

Anyway, do you actually drink it? I don't know anyone else who does. If I am the DD, I would be drinking Coke or water or coffee or tea, I reckon. How is it? Are there different kinds of tastes, like real beer? Is there a bitter hippy kind, and a smooth lager kind?

Sundae · 10-12-2013, 05:22 AM

Brand naming. I likey.
I'd suggest Courage if'n if hadn't already been taken, because it takes courage to order a non-alcoholic drink of everyone else is drinking.

How about Punnish? That spelling?

Clodfobble · 10-12-2013, 06:16 AM

The fact that no one drinks non-alcoholic beer just confirms my belief that everyone secretly knows beer tastes like ass, and they only drink it for the buzz and the social acceptance. You get neither with the fake beers, so no one drinks them, even though the flavor can't be that hard to mock up.

fargon · 10-12-2013, 06:33 AM

I drink fake beer. And like it.

glatt · 10-12-2013, 07:29 AM

Beer sometimes tastes really good. Depends on my mood. One thing though, this fad of ordering pale ales makes no sense at all. I think people are just able to remember that pale ale is a kind of beer, so they order it. It can't be because they like the taste. Pale ales are horrible. Lagers are where it's at. Even a pilsner is better than a pale ale.

Really though, I'm happiest with a red wine.

lumberjim · 10-12-2013, 07:58 AM

glatt, you get used to that bitterness, and it becomes rather refreshing. I used to hate the citrus taste of an IPA, but now, I actually prefer them.

I used to like sweet beers, like Tripel Ales and Lagers.... but now... I really like the HOPS. You have to train your tongue. there are beers that bridge the gap....like....

If you have some extra $$, try Duvel. it's $13 for a 4 pack... but it is the champagne of beers. dry and slightly fruity... crisp.... thin and quenchy.... it's really really good.

BEER ADVOCATE'S OPINION

Quote:

Todd

Colorado

4.85/5 rDev +13.6%
look: 5 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 5

Presentation: 33cl custom shorty with a bulbed neck. Best before date: 03/2003. Serve chilled.

Appearance: Cloudy (from escaped yeast) and pale. A grande creamy, chunk head adorns the top and sticks with great stay. The colour and head are perfection incarnate.

Smell: Delicate spice, pepper and clean malt sweetness.

Taste: Smooth and extremely creamy on the palate. A lively carbonation creates a light mouthfeel and crispness. Upfront flavours are bitter and sweet, with a lean on the sweet; distinct fruity malt esters, bold spiciness and rind-like twang that mellows and balances. Finishes slightly grain/dry with some residual spice and dextrin notes.

Notes: Deceivingly seductive and powerful. It lurs you with mesmerizing eye candy, then as the absolute refresher, then whacks the shite out of you with an 8.5% abv club. It's not called the "Devil" for nothing.

One of the best beers on the face of the Earth. Bow down to this god of beers.

Serving type: bottle

12-06-2000 21:21:53 | More by Todd

Quote:

Jason

Massachusetts

4.68/5 rDev +9.6%
look: 5 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 5 | overall: 5

330 ml stubby brown bottle with a best before date of 09 2006. Quick tips on how to pour the beer as well as “Bottle Conditioned” on the label.

Appearance: A perfect amount of foamy head from a trained pour into the appropriate Duvel glass, the lace clings to the glass in patchy clumps. The clarity is great as the pouring went well and the yeast stayed in the glass. Very pale in colour, some would confuse this with a lager as far as the light golden hue.

Smell: Hints of apple skin (juicy fruit), clean alcohol and a slight yeast bite in the aroma.

Taste & Mouthfeel: Clean pale malt flavour throughout. Three big flashes of yeast, hop bitterness and alcohol hit the palate. Big cleansing crispness makes you want an other sip. A tad juicy in the middle, with a big warming alcohol landing middle to end. Mild medicinal phenols peak in the middle and nearly vanish as the alcohol takes over.

Notes: A top shelf brew, this one does it for me and then some. Pretty much sex in a bottle and the devil told me to drink it. Duvel is close to dry champagne but so much more. Between the bitterness and the sheer crispness, this beer is what I expect from the Belgian strong pale ale style.

Serving type: bottle

12-09-2003 03:59:57 | More by Jason

Lamplighter · 10-12-2013, 08:16 AM

If you ordered " Duvel " in a Montana bar, you'd likely get Moose Drool.

Gravdigr · 10-12-2013, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by limegreenc

no...you want an African big dick

No, no, no...You want to ask for A Big Black Dick.

Quote:

Barfly: I'd like A Big Black Dick, please.
Bartender: Yeah, well, who wouldn't?

Sundae · 10-12-2013, 01:32 PM

The Firkin chain of pubs used to stock an amusingly named range of beer.
Firkin Dogbolter being one of one of the tamer ones.

Occasionally a punter would already have suveyed what we had on the pumps but would try to embarrass us by asking for one of the fruitier names that they knew perfectly well we wouldn't have - being a freehouse.

I can't remember any of the others, but I do remember my response to that one. "No, but I do have hia cock in a jar." Nonsensical but immediate and on the spot.
And made it clear to said customer that the majority of barmaids had heard the lot.

I think that's why Ben mostly employed student nurses.
Funny how the ones with big tits seemed to get the most shifts though.

Carruthers · 10-12-2013, 03:05 PM

I remember seeing a newspaper headline about the latest complaint from the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA): It simply said: 'The Gripes of Froth'.

Barmaid! A pint of Stench & Dredge's Old Peculier, if you please.

monster · 10-12-2013, 08:18 PM

0Beach bang. 'Cause it's fucking close to water.

I drink low alcohol beer. It's fine. Now the regular stuff tastes funny. It's just what you get used to. Why do I drink it? So I can drink more

I drink at home, though, so no DD required. But beest is on kid taxi duty

Tonight is a midnight pick-up for the freshman. I've still had little enough to drive, but by midnight (a) I'll be asleep and (b) I won't be driving any more. I'm too knackered anyway. I did the early morning shift and to the party.

BigV · 10-16-2013, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carruthers

I remember seeing a newspaper headline about the latest complaint from the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA): It simply said: 'The Gripes of Froth'.

Barmaid! A pint of Stench & Dredge's Old Peculier, if you please.

Hey! I've been there, the Old Pequliar. It's pretty nice, though I don't remember them having Stench & Dredge's on tap. I'll make a note for next time.

10-11-2013, 04:15 PM	#1
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Another new euphemism I was musing aloud the other day that alcohol free beer should have another name. If'n you weren't expecting it to taste like beer some brands would actually taste OK. And the name has to be appealing, so that the designated driver enjoys placing their order for a drink. A friend, listening to me, piped up "You mean like A Big Dick?". Exactly. Who doesn't want to stride into a bar and confidently say "mine's a Big Dick!"? It works for all genders, all situations. Try ordering a Big Dick in this thread tonight and you'll see what I mean! Sent by thought transference __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

10-11-2013, 07:40 PM	#2
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	So, you're going with Big Dick? We don't even get to come up with names? What if you want a double? I'd like a double big dick? __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

10-11-2013, 08:24 PM	#3
limegreenc shed door curio Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 406	no...you want an African big dick __________________ “We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

10-11-2013, 08:33 PM	#4
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	No I don't! Near Beer is no good? Failed Ale maybe? Sassparilla? O'Doules? Malk? Anyway, do you actually drink it? I don't know anyone else who does. If I am the DD, I would be drinking Coke or water or coffee or tea, I reckon. How is it? Are there different kinds of tastes, like real beer? Is there a bitter hippy kind, and a smooth lager kind? __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

10-12-2013, 05:22 AM	#5
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Brand naming. I likey. I'd suggest Courage if'n if hadn't already been taken, because it takes courage to order a non-alcoholic drink of everyone else is drinking. How about Punnish? That spelling? __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

10-12-2013, 06:16 AM	#6
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	The fact that no one drinks non-alcoholic beer just confirms my belief that everyone secretly knows beer tastes like ass, and they only drink it for the buzz and the social acceptance. You get neither with the fake beers, so no one drinks them, even though the flavor can't be that hard to mock up. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

10-12-2013, 06:33 AM	#7
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	I drink fake beer. And like it. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

10-12-2013, 07:29 AM	#8
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Beer sometimes tastes really good. Depends on my mood. One thing though, this fad of ordering pale ales makes no sense at all. I think people are just able to remember that pale ale is a kind of beer, so they order it. It can't be because they like the taste. Pale ales are horrible. Lagers are where it's at. Even a pilsner is better than a pale ale. Really though, I'm happiest with a red wine.

10-12-2013, 08:16 AM	#10
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402	If you ordered " Duvel " in a Montana bar, you'd likely get Moose Drool. Attached Images

10-12-2013, 01:32 PM	#12
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	The Firkin chain of pubs used to stock an amusingly named range of beer. Firkin Dogbolter being one of one of the tamer ones. Occasionally a punter would already have suveyed what we had on the pumps but would try to embarrass us by asking for one of the fruitier names that they knew perfectly well we wouldn't have - being a freehouse. I can't remember any of the others, but I do remember my response to that one. "No, but I do have hia cock in a jar." Nonsensical but immediate and on the spot. And made it clear to said customer that the majority of barmaids had heard the lot. I think that's why Ben mostly employed student nurses. Funny how the ones with big tits seemed to get the most shifts though. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac Last edited by Sundae; 10-12-2013 at 01:42 PM.

10-12-2013, 03:05 PM	#13
Carruthers Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire UK Posts: 4,059	I remember seeing a newspaper headline about the latest complaint from the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA): It simply said: 'The Gripes of Froth'. Barmaid! A pint of Stench & Dredge's Old Peculier, if you please.

10-12-2013, 08:18 PM	#14
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	0Beach bang. 'Cause it's fucking close to water. I drink low alcohol beer. It's fine. Now the regular stuff tastes funny. It's just what you get used to. Why do I drink it? So I can drink more I drink at home, though, so no DD required. But beest is on kid taxi duty Tonight is a midnight pick-up for the freshman. I've still had little enough to drive, but by midnight (a) I'll be asleep and (b) I won't be driving any more. I'm too knackered anyway. I did the early morning shift and to the party. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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