I Just Can't Stand It

[glatt]

Well, I debated ignoring your post because I thought you might take my response as an attack, and I mean to support you, not attack you. But then ignoring your post would be just as bad. Probably worse. You are going to feel what you feel, and I don't want to deny you your feelings. I just think you're wrong. I certainly don't blame you for Bri's death, and I can't imagine anyone else thinking that either. I could be wrong. I've been oblivious to stuff in the Cellar before. But if anyone blames you for her death, they couldn't be more wrong.

There were plenty of signs, and I did nothing. But I thought she was going to work through it again like she always had in the past. I was wrong. I wish I had reacted differently, but even if I had done something drastic, what were we supposed to do, have someone guard her 24/7?

We gave her a community that supported her.

[infinite monkey]

And this is the talk I wanted to have, and was afraid to have.

I cry every day. Not only because of the loss of Tril, the loss of my friends Charlie, Bruce, my dad's best friend like an uncle to me...all recent...all the bad things that have been happening...but because of my life. I am working on getting better so hard. I am working at work so hard. I am afraid my depression will win. So it's all right in my face, you know? I know I can do this. I really do...but it's there, in the back of my mind, and it's freaking scary.

I'm sorry. Shouldn't hijack grav's thread. I just don't know how to sort it out to make it make sense to anyone, least of all me.

Thanks glatt.

[Griff]

Originally Posted by glatt

There were plenty of signs, and I did nothing.


We gave her a community that supported her.

Interesting and true dichotomy for me anyway. I didn't have much to give her when she asked me a direct question about my breakup with alcohol. I told her what I did, but she needed more and I didn't play out the string. I think we all knew we could only do so much, but I could have given more. Anything that was said that IM felt pointed at her points at me and probably many of us.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

And one more thing: how dumb is it to BUY gizzards for eatin'? I mean, it's a fucking digestive organ. It's got, like, sand or something in it.

They are full of collagen and a lot of very rich chicken flavor, you can cook them for hours, slowly in liquid, to make a broth or flavor base. They give that wonderful teeth stuck together thing that good chicken soups do. The gravel is washed out of them before you get them. I don't know anyone who actually eats them, per se, but apparently a lot of people do. They are a muscley organ. I imagine they'd be chewy as hell without a lot of cooking.

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

At Wally World about all you can buy are God Books, Amish Romance, and whatever wampire/werewolf/stoopid fantasy creature series is popular right now. There you go, the dumbing down, the rise of stupid. Sheep.

I have a friend who is a farmer, very funny and extremely 'earthy' sense of humor. Not in the pun sense or earthy. His farm is in a heavily Amish populated area. He was joking about wanting to produce a series of Amish Farmgirl Porn movies. He'd get on a tear describing the plot arcs and the Amish girls, except they wouldn't be the idealized typical porn girl, they'd be your typical Amish farm girl... I guess it gets lonely out on the organic vegetable farms... Still he had me in stitches with the preposterous incongruity of it.

Originally Posted by glatt

There were plenty of signs, and I did nothing. But I thought she was going to work through it again like she always had in the past. I was wrong. I wish I had reacted differently, but even if I had done something drastic, what were we supposed to do, have someone guard her 24/7?

We gave her a community that supported her.

Apart from trained professionals how many of us recognized those signs only in hindsight? A lot of us let it all hang out here and have days where we say "fuck it." Of course, NOW I read all sorts of things into her last few weeks of posting, and it makes sense, but had things turned out differently, the meaning of those posts would be different too.

We remain.