Sept. 11, 2012

[Trilby]

Usually I'm not big on this kind of thing but the weather this morning is REALLY reminding me of 9/11/2001. It's a beautiful blue out with a hint of crisp and the sun is shining so prettily.

I recall eleven years ago - I stopped on my way to work to get gas, I remember what color uniform I was wearing (seafoam green) and I went into my office. at nine o'clock the sec. came in to tell me one of the steel workers had told her we'd better turn on the TV. We did. We didn't see another patient all the rest of that day. we were glued to the tv. When the towers came down, I felt a sadness like a leaden cloak and a darkness I've never felt before or since.

I think of all the lives lost to this - the victims, the soldiers, the civilians caught in a cruel land with unsustainable laws and policies against women, I think of what I was doing and where I THOUGHT my life was heading. Sept. 11 changed my life. Shortly afterward, I quit the fabulous job I had, then I quit nursing altogether and went back to college to study what I had always wanted to study which is a useless sort of thing and I'm not really good at it anyway but I did it. (Don't ask me a grammar question. You're supposed to learn those in grade school and I was absent that day)

I'm surprised that on the TODAY show they are carrying on as usual with all the same shit/different day sort of mashup. I thought they'd be doing some sort of anniversary type thing.

I feel sad. The weather is perfect - just like that day. This is probably the first time a beautiful day has made me sad.