More bad karma. Or something.

[orthodoc]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

That's true, he is a resource which can be used cautiously... I stress cautiously... but only if you're emotionally cold enough to do that.
I don't think you are, I don't think it's your nature to be a user without feeling indebted.

You're right on target ... feeling indebted is part of what gets people hooked into abusive relationships in the first place. I'm not cold enough to be a user (need lessons from un-friend). My ex is being very respectful so far, so I have to keep those boundaries in place. But it's so hard; I've never been so devastated, so vulnerable. I'll have to reread my journals and stay mindful of what brought me to this place originally. Right now, his manner has changed tremendously. But I know, if I were the objective person, I'd be shaking my head.

A complicating factor is that the worst of the abuse was years ago; it settled into more of a neglect/low-grade emotional misery in recent years. I left because I could not get past the damage the abuse had done to me. He was devastated, although he let me go. I know he still cares about me; but the abuse is something I haven't gotten past.

I still have the deal with that damage. I can't just fall back into old patterns. Maintaining boundaries here will be a huge task. At least he isn't urging me to move back 'home', or suggesting I go back on his insurance, or wanting to re-marry me.