Surprise

[jimhelm]

I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing you here, Ib. I like you. I just want to say something.

It seems like all of this "Identification" you're doing is distracting you from just being who you are. Why worry so much about how other people see you? Who you are has little to do with what you call yourself, or what ideas are floating around in your head. You are not your thoughts or ideas. You are the being that observes them.

You won't be happy with you until you can own that, I think. just be you.

[Ibby]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing you here, Ib. I like you. I just want to say something.

It seems like all of this "Identification" you're doing is distracting you from just being who you are. Why worry so much about how other people see you? Who you are has little to do with what you call yourself, or what ideas are floating around in your head. You are not your thoughts or ideas. You are the being that observes them.

You won't be happy with you until you can own that, I think. just be you.

I feel like I'm not the one deciding what categories there are, here. But since ours is not a world with universally neutered pronoun usage, lack of gender roles and stereotypes, universal respect for every person as an individual without assuming things about them based on their genitalia - i am not comfortable, i struggle with consistent dysphoria and anxiety, as a cis male. I feel like staying closeted, or remaining within the limits of cisgendered life, puts such limits on expressing who i am, the way you say I should.

Basically, what you're saying is, "it seems like all this stuff about being 'gay' is distracting you from just, liking who you like. Why worry about how other people see you? who you like has very little to do with what you call yourself." Do you see what I mean? In a world without extreme normative pressures, coming out is unimportant - if there is NO connotation or implication or importance to your identity, there is no reason to make that identity public. But that is not the world I have to feel comfortable living in - in the world I have to live in, not only am I more comfortable defining myself as something other than male, I feel like all members of the trans* and broader queer community have an obligation to come out if their personal circumstances allow, for the betterment of the entire community through visibility and solidarity (though i do not grudge those who don't feel comfortable or safe coming out their closets).

[ZenGum]

It seems like perfectly normal young-adult-forming-personality type behaviour to me.

It just reminded me, though, when I was in first year at uni, I had a crush on a girl named Erika. Took me about six months to realise she was a lesbian.