How does one become okay with being single?

[classicman]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

some chicks dig cocky, bro

FTFY

[mr.moons]

1) Do you see yourself as a confident? If in certain areas and not others, specify. Quickly, how do you think others would describe you.

I think I'm semi-confident. I'm confident when I'm alone, and sometimes when I'm with groups of people. I know I'm pretty smart, and there are a lot of things I'm able to do fairly well. I'm not so confident in most social situations though.

I think others would describe me as nice, laid back, a bit odd, pretty cheery, pretty enjoyable to be around, awkward when I'm first getting to know someone, fairly funny, passionately opinionated, etc.


2) Quickly describe your life. What do you do for a job, what do you do in your free time?

I live at home with my parents right now. I graduated from a two-year college program that I took because I had no idea what I was doing. The associate's degree I got is basically useless. Now I have a bunch of debt I have to pay off. I just got a part-time job at a grocery store, and I'm hoping to find more work so I can have enough income to live on my own and also chip away at my hunk of debt.
Mostly what I do in my spare time is chill in front of my computer, browsing the interwebs and instant messaging friends, and I also longboard quite a bit. Oh and I hang out with friends sometimes as well.


3) What are your ambitions? What are you doing to improve yourself?

I mostly want to be self-supporting, and happy of course. Not that I'm really unhappy right now. I just think I would be happier if I was on my own, working, and not spending much time with my parents. Oh, I want to be better with social situations as well. To improve myself I guess I'm working/looking for work, and going out to social functions with my friend(s) a little bit.


4) What would you like to do (in terms of hobbies, self-improvement, ambitions, etc)? Why are you not doing this?

Well, I would like to find a girlfriend...
I would like to move into my own apartment.
I'd like to go to a physiotherapist and get my wrist fixed up so I can longboard the way I used to be able to.
I'd like to see a therapist on a regular basis. I think it would be good for me. I believe I have a number of personal issues that I could use some help with (my shyness being one of those).
I'd like to build my own car at some point in my life.

Most of those things I'm not doing because I'm broke, and I guess laziness plays a part as well. I'd like to think that working at this job is helping me get closer to a lot of them though.
Also, I like to take my time at things.


5) How often do you meet women? In what setting? Do you feel like you connect with them, if not, why? What do you do to meet women?

I don't really meet women that often. The other weekend I went to a party and met a girl there, and connected with her a bit, but that was out of the ordinary for me, and I was high. Mostly I meet women at longboarding functions actually. If I can work up the courage to talk to a girl, and if she's pretty outgoing so it doesn't get too awkward, I feel like I connect pretty decently. If the girl is shy though, it's not so good because that's two shy people trying to find stuff to talk about and it's uncomfortable and just crappy.
I've also got accounts on okcupid and plentyoffish, but I've not met many people from there in person, which is for the best, I think.


6) Describe the the relationships of the people around you. Are they married, in serious relationships, single?

Most of my friends that actually live nearby are single. I have a ton of American friends who are Church of Christ Christians though, and it seems like they're all in serious relationships and/or engaged, or married.


7) You answered this but do you consider yourself happy? Do you think a relationship will make you happy?

I think I'm relatively happy. And yes, I feel like a relationship would make me happier. I don't see how a good relationship could NOT make a person happier. And sure, maybe if I got into a relationship it wouldn't be so good, but at least I would have a chance to work on my relationship skills (I haven't had much opportunity to do that in the past).


8) Why should a woman want to date you?

I'm not totally sure I get this question. The words "should" and "want" are not meant to be used together, if you ask me. I'm assuming this is a "What do you have to offer?" kind of question, so I will answer it as if it is.

I'm kind, thoughtful, kinda funny, I'm a good listener and I'm pretty good at helping people with their problems, I have a pretty relaxed attitude in general and I think people find that refreshing/calming, I have a decent head on my shoulders, and I dunno, if a girl likes me and has a lot in common with me, why shouldn't she date me?



And Clodfobble, I don't know if I feel I deserve a girlfriend. I suppose I don't really see any reason why I shouldn't be able to get into a relationship with someone, once a good match comes along?
And yeah, I guess there is a particular woman that I'm interested in, but it's ...complicated. I definitely wouldn't be willing to date just anyone. I know what I'm looking for, more or less.

[piercehawkeye45]

Here is few things I noticed. I apologize in advance for the choppy and most likely incomplete or overly repetitive thoughts.

And yes, I feel like a relationship would make me happier. I don't see how a good relationship could NOT make a person happier.

I want to start here since this is something fundamental that I disagree with. It's not that it can't be true, but that I feel it is a misguided approach. From watching my friends get into relationships I've noticed one big trend: happy single people tend to get into healthy relationships and unhappy single people tend to get into dysfunctional relationships. My theory for this is that happy people are secure with their single life and don't feel they need to get into a relationship, but get into one because they want too. Unhappy people on the other hand are usually insecure with their single life and look for other people to fill the gap. This usually leads to dependency and relationships built on raw emotion instead of some healthy common ground. Then these people go back to being unhappy because what they need is not another person, but some security with one's self.

Here is one of my favorite quotes when it comes to relationships:

If meeting, dating or relating with women, and the improvement of this area in life, is your NUMBER 1 priority you are already screwed

I understand this advice probably isn't what you want to hear but I feel (keep in mind I don't know you and I'm just applying other experiences to what i know from your few posts) you probably should focus on your own life, in a productive way, for a while. Maybe a relationship would be helpful, it would be good for you to get into one to practice social skills, but, as Monster pointed out, there are some pink elephants in the room that you need to work on first.

While everyone is different and everyone responds to different things, I am a firm believer that overall happiness comes from security with one's self. Think Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs as a reference. You need to find out who you want to be and what you want to do with your life.

I'm kind, thoughtful, kinda funny, I'm a good listener and I'm pretty good at helping people with their problems, I have a pretty relaxed attitude in general and I think people find that refreshing/calming, I have a decent head on my shoulders, and I dunno, if a girl likes me and has a lot in common with me, why shouldn't she date me?

I'm going to be harsh here so take this as constructive and not as a personal attack. I can actually relate with your situation so hopefully this has some perspective.

Ok, so you have a decent personality. It seems like you feel a girl should settle for you and not actually go after you. You are the type of guy that people can stand and get along with, but probably not the guy that people envy to be.

From what you said, your life seems pretty uneventful. You live with your parents, you have no idea what you want to do with your life, you aren't self-sufficient, you have very few if any hobbies, you aren't doing much to improve yourself, and you aren't that confident in social situations (which probably means you aren't a blast to be around). I realize I am just focusing on the negatives but this is at least a perspective you should keep in mind, but not dwell too much on since that would be counterproductive.


My advice, beside the entire job thing, is to start trying new things. Find a few things that interest you and start setting some small reasonable goals for yourself. Here is a quick list of suggestions:

*Learn how to cook a new meal (start small if you don't know how to cook) (there is nothing better than eating a good meal that you made yourself, plus girls love it as well)
*Join a race (start with a 5K then move up) (this will inspire you to work out, which builds confidence and makes you physically look better)
*Volunteer (besides helping others, you can meet new people)
*Learn an instrument (you don't have to be great but its relaxing to play your own music)
*etc


It can be very difficult to start, but if things go well it should snowball. The overall goal here is to start building confidence and sense of self-worth. Once that improves, your attractiveness to women should improve as well.