About at my journey's end

[footfootfoot]

I realize tonight and after talking with my doc that for real a 3rd person needs to be present when we talk since there is a big reality problem.

Things did not end up great for the kids tonight and the level of response was disproportionate to the (perceived) offenses.

Just super sucky.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I realize tonight and after talking with my doc that for real a 3rd person needs to be present when we talk since there is a big reality problem.
.

I can relate to that. There were times with J, I wished I could surreptitiously record the conversation to be able to play it back after and try and make some fucking sense of it. And to have some kind of anchor for when half of what was said or agreed got edited out or altered in his memory. Other times I just wished someone else was there to see and maybe tell hm things he'd refuse to see if I was saying them. Kept landing in bizarroland conversations out the blue.

Not exactly the same, but I suspect it felt similar.

Sounds like a shitty tme 3ft. Hope you find a way through or over that doesn't hurt too much.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by DanaC

I can relate to that. There were times with J, I wished I could surreptitiously record the conversation to be able to play it back after and try and make some fucking sense of it. And to have some kind of anchor for when half of what was said or agreed got edited out or altered in his memory. Other times I just wished someone else was there to see and maybe tell hm things he'd refuse to see if I was saying them. Kept landing in bizarroland conversations out the blue.

Not exactly the same, but I suspect it felt similar.

Sounds like a shitty tme 3ft. Hope you find a way through or over that doesn't hurt too much.

wow Dana. I remember that same feeling very clearly. Recording the conversation turned out to be both impossibly clunky and utterly simple. We'd start a conversation/argument and within a couple sentences, we were arguing about what the other said/meant. This became such a habit it was practically unavoidable. Needless to say, we worked out practically nothing.

The answer to "recording" the conversations was simple too. We communicate mostly via email now for just this very reason. Of course, we still argue. But the volume is lower, and the you said she said he said is down to almost zero. OF COURSE, deciding to communicate via email while bumping elbows over the sink at tooth brushing time is ridiculous.

But having that record made communication possible again.

Sadly, to get to that point (email), we first had to use "training wheels" (read: Attorney$). That is to be avoided if possible.

[Spexxvet]

Originally Posted by BigV

OF COURSE, deciding to communicate via email while bumping elbows over the sink at tooth brushing time is ridiculous.

There are times when I've done it, though. It accomplishes what you've said, plus there's a sense of importance when you see something in writing. My wife sometimes does not hear what I say, and this technique does make a difference. On the other hand, we're now in counselling.

[Pico and ME]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I realize tonight and after talking with my doc that for real a 3rd person needs to be present when we talk since there is a big reality problem.

Things did not end up great for the kids tonight and the level of response was disproportionate to the (perceived) offenses.

Just super sucky.

This sort of sounds like me while I was going menopausal. Just off the chart blow ups. The boys just weathered the storms. I'm so glad that's done.

[monster]

Originally Posted by Pico and ME

This sort of sounds like me while I was going menopausal. Just off the chart blow ups. The boys just weathered the storms. I'm so glad that's done.

That's such a good point, although f3 says it's happened forever. But if there's any chance homegirl is menopausal, that might explain why it's now that you can't take anymore and maybe give you hope for a better future.....

I heard/read/whatever that the three times when moms/daughters don't get on is daughter puberty and menopause of both.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I realize tonight and after talking with my doc that for real a 3rd person needs to be present when we talk since there is a big reality problem.

Things did not end up great for the kids tonight and the level of response was disproportionate to the (perceived) offenses.

Just super sucky.

they have a name for this, it's called counseling.

Have you been to counseling together before? It can also be called mediation, before or during divorce. I've been through all these, and I can report that they have widely varying degrees of efficacy. Very much depends on the skill of the people involved and even more so, the degree to which each party is willing to be changed. Coming from a bad situation, it's reasonable to expect a desire to change. Unfortunately, that change is most often desired to occur in the other person. *Sigh*.

I can remember when I felt Tink and I needed an interpreter or a referee. Those were bad days. I bring this up to show you my empathy creds, not to make this about me. Keep talking man.