About at my journey's end - Page 3

footfootfoot · 05-23-2011, 02:30 PM

Hey, thanks everyone for the outpouring of love and empathy.

I talked to my brain tightener today about it and have some strategies in place. Need some more time to cool off and clarify before I can talk about it.

The only Q I can get to right now is that this lasts for a few days, varies in severity and has been going on for as long as I've known her.

There are mitigating circumstances, and countless promises to deal with it and a belief that she is dealing with it, but I think it is not enough.

more later.

monster · 05-23-2011, 02:34 PM

good luck, yard.

HungLikeJesus · 05-23-2011, 02:37 PM

I recently heard about an elderly couple that were getting a divorce. He's 99 and she's 95.

Someone asked them why they want to get a divorce after being married so long.

They said, "We wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

footfootfoot · 05-23-2011, 03:57 PM

@ glatt: I once asked a lawyer why is divorce so expensive? Ha answered, Because it's worth it.

and then I laughed.

and HLJ, that is one of my favorite jokes

HungLikeJesus · 05-24-2011, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

...

and HLJ, that is one of my favorite jokes

Yeah, I suppose it's funny, but I posted it because I think it says something important about relationships.

footfootfoot · 05-24-2011, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HungLikeJesus

Yeah, I suppose it's funny, but I posted it because I think it says something important about relationships.

mmm true.

Gravdigr · 05-23-2011, 05:02 PM

Love is grand.

Divorce is ten grand.

Pete Zicato · 05-23-2011, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Love is grand.

Divorce is ten grand.

Snickered out loud.

Rrrraven · 05-23-2011, 11:15 PM

Sorry for you pain and frustration. I'm a fan of trying to make it work, even if you give it a go over and over again. We tried, we failed. I'm happy now, but it took a while to get back to happy. Sounds like you have a lot of friends here to lean on. Good luck to you.

classicman · 05-23-2011, 07:42 PM

I wish mine was only ten grand - It ended up being more than 5x that.

However my kids are older and I am far happier now.

YMMV

Gravdigr · 05-24-2011, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

I wish mine was only ten grand - It ended up being more than 5x that.

That's what you get for being less poor than me.

kerosene · 05-24-2011, 07:12 PM

Sorry to hear about it, footy. As you know, I have been through it, too. It wasn't pleasant and still isn't in a lot of ways. But if there is no other way to cope, then, you have to make the decision that is best for you and your family. The good news is, it does get better.

footfootfoot · 05-24-2011, 08:14 PM

I realize tonight and after talking with my doc that for real a 3rd person needs to be present when we talk since there is a big reality problem.

Things did not end up great for the kids tonight and the level of response was disproportionate to the (perceived) offenses.

Just super sucky.

DanaC · 05-24-2011, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I realize tonight and after talking with my doc that for real a 3rd person needs to be present when we talk since there is a big reality problem.
.

I can relate to that. There were times with J, I wished I could surreptitiously record the conversation to be able to play it back after and try and make some fucking sense of it. And to have some kind of anchor for when half of what was said or agreed got edited out or altered in his memory. Other times I just wished someone else was there to see and maybe tell hm things he'd refuse to see if I was saying them. Kept landing in bizarroland conversations out the blue.

Not exactly the same, but I suspect it felt similar.

Sounds like a shitty tme 3ft. Hope you find a way through or over that doesn't hurt too much.

BigV · 05-24-2011, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

I can relate to that. There were times with J, I wished I could surreptitiously record the conversation to be able to play it back after and try and make some fucking sense of it. And to have some kind of anchor for when half of what was said or agreed got edited out or altered in his memory. Other times I just wished someone else was there to see and maybe tell hm things he'd refuse to see if I was saying them. Kept landing in bizarroland conversations out the blue.

Not exactly the same, but I suspect it felt similar.

Sounds like a shitty tme 3ft. Hope you find a way through or over that doesn't hurt too much.

wow Dana. I remember that same feeling very clearly. Recording the conversation turned out to be both impossibly clunky and utterly simple. We'd start a conversation/argument and within a couple sentences, we were arguing about what the other said/meant. This became such a habit it was practically unavoidable. Needless to say, we worked out practically nothing.

The answer to "recording" the conversations was simple too. We communicate mostly via email now for just this very reason. Of course, we still argue. But the volume is lower, and the you said she said he said is down to almost zero. OF COURSE, deciding to communicate via email while bumping elbows over the sink at tooth brushing time is ridiculous.

But having that record made communication possible again.

Sadly, to get to that point (email), we first had to use "training wheels" (read: Attorney$). That is to be avoided if possible.

05-23-2011, 02:30 PM	#1
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Hey, thanks everyone for the outpouring of love and empathy. I talked to my brain tightener today about it and have some strategies in place. Need some more time to cool off and clarify before I can talk about it. The only Q I can get to right now is that this lasts for a few days, varies in severity and has been going on for as long as I've known her. There are mitigating circumstances, and countless promises to deal with it and a belief that she is dealing with it, but I think it is not enough. more later. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-23-2011, 02:34 PM	#2
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	good luck, yard. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-23-2011, 02:37 PM	#3
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	I recently heard about an elderly couple that were getting a divorce. He's 99 and she's 95. Someone asked them why they want to get a divorce after being married so long. They said, "We wanted to wait until the kids were dead." __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

05-23-2011, 03:57 PM	#4
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	@ glatt: I once asked a lawyer why is divorce so expensive? Ha answered, Because it's worth it. and then I laughed. and HLJ, that is one of my favorite jokes __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-23-2011, 05:02 PM	#7
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Love is grand. Divorce is ten grand. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

05-23-2011, 11:15 PM	#9
Rrrraven Coronation Incarnate Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 87	Sorry for you pain and frustration. I'm a fan of trying to make it work, even if you give it a go over and over again. We tried, we failed. I'm happy now, but it took a while to get back to happy. Sounds like you have a lot of friends here to lean on. Good luck to you.

05-23-2011, 07:42 PM	#10
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	I wish mine was only ten grand - It ended up being more than 5x that. However my kids are older and I am far happier now. YMMV __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-24-2011, 07:12 PM	#12
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	Sorry to hear about it, footy. As you know, I have been through it, too. It wasn't pleasant and still isn't in a lot of ways. But if there is no other way to cope, then, you have to make the decision that is best for you and your family. The good news is, it does get better.

05-24-2011, 08:14 PM	#13
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	I realize tonight and after talking with my doc that for real a 3rd person needs to be present when we talk since there is a big reality problem. Things did not end up great for the kids tonight and the level of response was disproportionate to the (perceived) offenses. Just super sucky. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

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