The right way to stop a bully

[Flint]

Dana, I don't want you to leave the thread. I appreciate what you are saying.

But I agree with monster. It may be one of the most trite-sounding clichés, but t here is no equivlent experience that can impart this knowledge. It's not a great conspiracy, but simply a logical condition.

There were times, as a child that I caused situations in which I got hurt/injured. Had my mum responded with I told you so, or serves you right, I'd have been devastated.

And this "devastation" would really, really cause you to PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION for once. This is called a "teachable moment" and as a parent you may only get ONE SHOT at having your child PAY ATTENTION to what you are saying. You don't squander it. Why is this necessary?

Unless you're a complete moron, some part of you will know that you did that to yourself and take the lesson anyway.

Because this is not true. As you have said in this very thread, the part of a child's brain that links actions to consequences is not fully physically developed until much later in life.

Maybe when the dust had settled it might have come up.

Nope, you'd be too late.

The child doesn't remember to attach ANY importance to what you are saying after you've soothed away the reality of the situation.

But the idea that I could come to physical harm and my parent respond with any kind of a lack of sympathy just does not compute for me.

Here is the reality of being a parent: if you care more about fuzzy wuzzy emotions than you do the child learning how to survive and act intelligently, then you are doing them a disservice. As a parent, you know that children do not have the experience to put "two and two together" in some situations, so it is YOUR JOB to make these connections for them.

NOT to be their "best friend" and NOT to make them "feel good" about everything. If you act stupidly, you SHOULD feel bad. As adults, we don't get a Santa Clause to "fix" things for us, so as a child, we shouldn't be taught that.