I think beest and merc.....

[Beest]

At the Burns night party we went to recently I was nominated to read 'Address to a Haggis' which includes ceremonially cutting the Haggis. I spent about 10 minutes working the knife on the steel to get some kind of edge on it, the hosts liked the sound and recorded it. So just a recording emanating from the basement should do.

Also having some Night Vision goggles handy, so there is nowhere to hide.