Question on wedding gift etiquette

Cloud · 08-26-2010, 12:38 PM

your opinions please:

I have a male cow orker who is getting married. I say that it's not proper to just bring wedding gifts to the office and give them to him. I think they must be sent or delivered to the bride, in care of her parents, whose address is the one on the invitations.

My friends think I'm crazy. Do you?

classicman · 08-26-2010, 12:50 PM

nope. I feel the same way, but thats apparently not the way the world is anymore.
<shrug>

Cloud · 08-26-2010, 12:55 PM

I told them they had no class. And they laffed at me! hummpf!*

*these are good friends, tho, so they get to laugh at me

Gravdigr · 08-26-2010, 03:11 PM

I don't endorse marriage, or any other contrivance that stares at a 75% chance of failure within five years...

If wasn't going to attend the ceremony...they'd just have to be happy with however they got the gift, if they got one.

And, we all think you're crazy...just not for this.

Cloud · 08-26-2010, 03:15 PM

no avoiding truth, is there?

Aliantha · 08-26-2010, 05:37 PM

Every wedding I've been to over here, people just take the gifts to the reception after the service. Usually then, after the cake cutting and speaches, the bride and bridesmaids open the gifts and display them for other guests to view.

Not too many people give gifts if they're not going to the wedding.

Clodfobble · 08-26-2010, 05:42 PM

Interesting. The custom here in the US is you definitely do not open the presents at the wedding reception. They are piled on a table or in a nearby room, and the bride and groom open them later at their leisure (and send thank-you cards, hopefully.) But I, too, have never heard of giving a wedding present to someone if you're not invited to the wedding (unless of course you're giving the present at a wedding shower that someone is throwing instead, in which case you've still been invited to an event of some sort.)

Aliantha · 08-26-2010, 05:51 PM

We didn't open any presents at our reception, but we had a wishing well also, so not many people brought gifts anyway. Some did though.

There was no particular purpose to not opening gifts aside from the fact that one bridesmaid had to be taken home shortly after the speaches because she was so trashed. Another had to leave because her partner was ill (not from drinking) and my other bridesmaid was too busy partying.

It was a good night.

Cloud · 08-26-2010, 06:02 PM

oh, it's REALLY poor etiquette to bring presents to the wedding. Although people do, of course.

I'll just do it the way I think is right, but I did want to hear what youall say about it.

Clodfobble · 08-26-2010, 06:27 PM

Oh I agree, you don't bring the present to the wedding itself; you leave it in the car and then take it into the reception.

classicman · 08-26-2010, 06:30 PM

Yup - gifts are typically taken to the reception if attending, if not then give it to someone trustworthy at the wedding.

ZenGum · 08-26-2010, 11:16 PM

We also sometimes do the bridal registry thing - couple go shopping at a major store, leave a list of what they want, family go in and pay for something, it gets marked off the list and the store delivers the lot to the couple's house. Brilliant way to avoid getting eight toasters and five kettles!

Crimson Ghost · 08-27-2010, 12:42 AM

My niece is getting married in two weeks.
Her registry lists the Nintendo Wii.

Juniper · 08-27-2010, 01:29 AM

Here's my experience.

If you are going to the wedding, you bring the gift with you to the reception. It is placed upon a table with other gifts, apparently so that everyone can admire how many gifts have been collected, and that's that.

The gifts are opened at some future point, perhaps when the happy couple returns from their honeymoon, and thank-you-notes are issued at that point.

If you are not going to the wedding, whether or not you should actually send a gift depends upon your relationship to the bride or groom. The way I see it is this: would you attend the wedding if circumstances were ideal? If distance, scheduling, expense, health concerns, social awkwardness etc. were not an issue, would you go? Are you close enough to that person to believe you weren't invited just to be polite or just as the source for another gift? If so, you should send a gift even if you can't be there, even if it's just a $10 teflon skillet. From their registry, of course. Don't even think of giving anything that isn't on the registry, unless it's cash or a gift card for a really practical shop, nothing obscure, because gift cards are just a major pain if they're not someplace you go anyway.

And Crimson, I think it's entirely appropriate for your niece to request a Nintendo Wii. The Wii fuckin' RULES. I LOVE our Wii. Every marriage needs a little healthy escape time. It's just as important as china and crystal. Wait--who uses china and crystal nowadays?

OUR registry didn't ask for any of that stuff. We were already living together and didn't need much. We asked for money and gift cards. We were really crass--I mean it, I look back and think damn, did we really do this? How rude! But the thing we wanted most of all was contributions to our honeymoon. We set it up with AAA so they could actually pay the travel agent, somehow--I think it involved buying traveler's checks--so we could go to Florida for a week. We couldn't afford it otherwise. I think we ended up collecting about $400 which really helped a lot.

Well, TMI, but yeah, you're right. Send 'em to the address on the invitation.

Rhianne · 08-27-2010, 05:02 AM

Just like the very worst examples of 'Political Correctness', etiquette should be avoided whenever possible!

08-26-2010, 12:38 PM	#1
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	Question on wedding gift etiquette your opinions please: I have a male cow orker who is getting married. I say that it's not proper to just bring wedding gifts to the office and give them to him. I think they must be sent or delivered to the bride, in care of her parents, whose address is the one on the invitations. My friends think I'm crazy. Do you? __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

08-26-2010, 12:50 PM	#2
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	nope. I feel the same way, but thats apparently not the way the world is anymore. <shrug> __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

08-26-2010, 12:55 PM	#3
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	I told them they had no class. And they laffed at me! hummpf!* these are good friends, tho, so they get to laugh at me __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"*

08-26-2010, 03:11 PM	#4
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	I don't endorse marriage, or any other contrivance that stares at a 75% chance of failure within five years... If wasn't going to attend the ceremony...they'd just have to be happy with however they got the gift, if they got one. And, we all think you're crazy...just not for this. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

08-26-2010, 03:15 PM	#5
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	no avoiding truth, is there? __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

08-26-2010, 05:37 PM	#6
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Every wedding I've been to over here, people just take the gifts to the reception after the service. Usually then, after the cake cutting and speaches, the bride and bridesmaids open the gifts and display them for other guests to view. Not too many people give gifts if they're not going to the wedding. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-26-2010, 05:42 PM	#7
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Interesting. The custom here in the US is you definitely do not open the presents at the wedding reception. They are piled on a table or in a nearby room, and the bride and groom open them later at their leisure (and send thank-you cards, hopefully.) But I, too, have never heard of giving a wedding present to someone if you're not invited to the wedding (unless of course you're giving the present at a wedding shower that someone is throwing instead, in which case you've still been invited to an event of some sort.) __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-26-2010, 05:51 PM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	We didn't open any presents at our reception, but we had a wishing well also, so not many people brought gifts anyway. Some did though. There was no particular purpose to not opening gifts aside from the fact that one bridesmaid had to be taken home shortly after the speaches because she was so trashed. Another had to leave because her partner was ill (not from drinking) and my other bridesmaid was too busy partying. It was a good night. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-26-2010, 06:02 PM	#9
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	oh, it's REALLY poor etiquette to bring presents to the wedding. Although people do, of course. I'll just do it the way I think is right, but I did want to hear what youall say about it. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

08-26-2010, 06:27 PM	#10
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Oh I agree, you don't bring the present to the wedding itself; you leave it in the car and then take it into the reception. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-26-2010, 06:30 PM	#11
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Yup - gifts are typically taken to the reception if attending, if not then give it to someone trustworthy at the wedding. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

08-26-2010, 11:16 PM	#12
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	We also sometimes do the bridal registry thing - couple go shopping at a major store, leave a list of what they want, family go in and pay for something, it gets marked off the list and the store delivers the lot to the couple's house. Brilliant way to avoid getting eight toasters and five kettles! __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

08-27-2010, 12:42 AM	#13
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	My niece is getting married in two weeks. Her registry lists the Nintendo Wii. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

08-27-2010, 01:29 AM	#14
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	Here's my experience. If you are going to the wedding, you bring the gift with you to the reception. It is placed upon a table with other gifts, apparently so that everyone can admire how many gifts have been collected, and that's that. The gifts are opened at some future point, perhaps when the happy couple returns from their honeymoon, and thank-you-notes are issued at that point. If you are not going to the wedding, whether or not you should actually send a gift depends upon your relationship to the bride or groom. The way I see it is this: would you attend the wedding if circumstances were ideal? If distance, scheduling, expense, health concerns, social awkwardness etc. were not an issue, would you go? Are you close enough to that person to believe you weren't invited just to be polite or just as the source for another gift? If so, you should send a gift even if you can't be there, even if it's just a $10 teflon skillet. From their registry, of course. Don't even think of giving anything that isn't on the registry, unless it's cash or a gift card for a really practical shop, nothing obscure, because gift cards are just a major pain if they're not someplace you go anyway. And Crimson, I think it's entirely appropriate for your niece to request a Nintendo Wii. The Wii fuckin' RULES. I LOVE our Wii. Every marriage needs a little healthy escape time. It's just as important as china and crystal. Wait--who uses china and crystal nowadays? OUR registry didn't ask for any of that stuff. We were already living together and didn't need much. We asked for money and gift cards. We were really crass--I mean it, I look back and think damn, did we really do this? How rude! But the thing we wanted most of all was contributions to our honeymoon. We set it up with AAA so they could actually pay the travel agent, somehow--I think it involved buying traveler's checks--so we could go to Florida for a week. We couldn't afford it otherwise. I think we ended up collecting about $400 which really helped a lot. Well, TMI, but yeah, you're right. Send 'em to the address on the invitation.

08-27-2010, 05:02 AM	#15
Rhianne Nearly done. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Teetering on the edge. Posts: 1,134	Just like the very worst examples of 'Political Correctness', etiquette should be avoided whenever possible!

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)