Dave just left

Undertoad on 11/24/2003
My impression was that any look of toughness built in to the dude (as is built in to most large-structured folks), is reduced in person by his genuine and pleasant demeanor. My considered opinion is that dave is not an asshole. I would even put that in writing and sign it.

This was <b>after</b> the baby comment. Yet somehow it works its way into this argument? The day before this whole thing broke, you and I were talking about our online gaming future together! We have talked multiple times about Jenni and I moving to Oaks to rent your spare rooms. Your considered opinion, just two days before this started, was "that dave is not an asshole. I would even put that in writing and sign it." All the quoted text in the first part of this was enough to change your mind?

Either way, you're an extremely poor judge of character (by making friendly when I'm a true asshole, or calling me a true asshole when I'm trying to be a friend). So what makes you think your opinion on this is valid <b>now</b>? Suddenly you're a good judge of character?

<b>Tony</b>
I think Tony identifies with sycamore's unemployment because Tony, too, has been unable to find work. It's my contention that my comment about sycamore's unemployment was one of the motivating factors for Tony to join the discussion and admonish me publicly. (Notice how he calls me "David" in his post to the "Things you should do" thread, as a parent would address a child, even though he has never called me "David" before.) He identifies with sycamore because they have known each other longer, and because sycamore called him and brought him into this. I should have been smart and recruited Tony, but I didn't think this was going to be a big deal. And hey, why not attack the guy that's not around to defend himself? You sure do look like a champion now.

So here we are, and you are acting like a child with hurt feelings. You say to Jen that she is trying to "flip blame around" - and you're acting like you and sycamore are blameless! I have <b>apologized</b> to sycamore for hurting his feelings, and <b>he did not want to hear it</b>. What makes a man more than being able to say "I was wrong, and I am sorry"? To you, it's apparently calling names behind someone's back.

What it all boils down to, Tony, is that you are a 40 year old <b>boy</b>. You are, for whatever reason, mentally immature. You're smart, and so most of the time you can pass yourself off. But when you get really called on it, you resort to personal attacks instead of meaningful rebuttals.

As someone that really cares about you, I want to raise one last idea before I'm gone for good. You're not a very introspective person. You have a hard time really diagnosing issues with yourself. Your mental immaturity is one of them. I hate to say it, but this is where having a male role model in your life would have helped. You have suffered without it. And it's sad, because I do want you to succeed and find happiness. If you don't believe this is real or affecting your life, I don't think you'll need to look farther than your "soon-to-be ex" for evidence. And if you think that had nothing to do with you, you need to think again. People don't fuckin' suck. Some are good, some are bad. Most are in between. Saying they suck is just an excuse for your inability to have a meaningful relationship with most of them.

What this has shown me is that, like most of us, you're struggling to make it through life. You've got a long ways to go, Tony. I hope that you can start acting like an adult and find that happiness.

I can only hope that you'll take this to heart. A week ago, you probably would have. I know that some things have changed since then, but a lot of things haven't. When you're ready to start acting like an adult, maybe the number of friends you have will exceed three.