Foods You are Embarrassed to Like

[Pie]

Cake Versus Pie: A Scientific Approach

from Hyperbole and a Half by Allie

I love cake. Cake is wonderful. But it is too easy to get caught up in the idea of cake. When you compare the data, it is clear that pie is a better choice.

1. Ability of enjoyment to be sustained over time

The first few mouthfuls of cake are almost magical, but as eating continues, enjoyment drops off precipitously. The enjoyment curve for pie appears to be much more stable over time.

2. Unequal frosting distribution is a problem

Pie exhibits much greater homogeneity than cake. In cake, the highest concentration of awesomeness is found in the frosting. The act of decorating a cake can polarize it and cause a dangerously uneven distribution of frosting, leading to discord and animosity during serving time.

3. Pie appears to contain a greater relative volume of enjoyable substances.

4. Pie is more scientifically versatile:

5. Pie is relevant in a greater variety of situations:

Cake is appropriate in a very limited number of situations, whereas almost any day is a great day to have pie.

6. Cake has much more severe, longer lasting consequences than pie:

UPDATE: It's too early to tell whether this hybridization is the best idea ever or just dangerous and foolish:

Most likely it will either solve all the problems in the world or end humanity in a hyperglycemic blaze of glory.